


Compressed Air

by GrayRainbow173



Series: Braving the Elements [5]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cliffhangers, Complete, F/F, Halloween, Holidays, Romance, Sequel, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayRainbow173/pseuds/GrayRainbow173
Summary: COMPLETE: While the Voyager crew gets ready to celebrate Halloween, Kathryn and Seven return to duty after their vacation. But Seven still has to deal with her own ghosts.Fifth part in my series 'Braving the Elements'. It probably won't make much sense if you haven't read 'Suppressive Fire' or 'Wakeful Water' first. You don't have to read 'Intermezzo Inferno' and 'Interim Steam' though, those are just for fun.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Series: Braving the Elements [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894309
Comments: 123
Kudos: 84





	1. Sigh

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back for the next stage in Kathryn's and Seven's adventure! Last warning for spoilers for my previous stories in this series and for the use of cliffhangers.  
> I know it is still a bit early but Happy Halloween everyone!

“Well, I guess we are now officially back home.” Kathryn said as she put away the last things from their duffel bag.

Seven said nothing as she could see her own disappointment mirrored in Kathryn’s eyes. They had had a glorious weekend away together on the Holodeck but now they were back in the Captain’s quarters. A place that used to feel like home to Seven, a beautiful place where she could be alone with Kathryn. But now it had lost some of it’s shine and Seven longed to get back to their cabin in the woods.

However, one couldn’t live in a fantasy and she could definitely not keep the Captain to herself in the Holodeck for the remainder of their voyage back to Earth. 

So instead, Seven walked over to Kathryn and took her hands in her own. Placing a kiss on them first, she then kissed her on the lips.

Kathryn leaned into the kiss, reminding herself that even though their vacation was over, Seven was still here and they were still together. There was no real reason to be disappointed. 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Kathryn asked her softly while smiling up at her girlfriend.

Seven bit her lower lip, considering the question. She wanted nothing more than to stay here and sleep next to Kathryn like they had done for the past few nights. However, she needed to regenerate. The weekend had been quite adventurous and she could feel the strain of it on her implants, nanoprobes and especially her skin.

“I really do want to stay here.” Seven assured her girlfriend. “But I think I need to regenerate after all the water fun we had.”

Kathryn smiled at her, lost in her memories for a second. “I understand.”

Still, Seven looked troubled. As if she wasn’t sure she had made the right decision. 

“Really it’s alright. You should go regenerate.” Kathryn pressed her. “We will both need some rest before we return to duty tomorrow morning.”

“I thought this whole vacation was about getting some rest.” Seven teased her.

“It was but I think I will need a different kind of rest before I can get back in the Captain’s chair. Rest without distraction.” Kathryn winked at her. “Besides it is Halloween tomorrow.”

Before going away for the weekend, the Captain had agreed to the proposal of some crewmembers to celebrate the old Earth custom of Halloween. To her, it seemed a little silly but a crew stuck in the Delta Quadrant needed all the distraction they could get. So for the first time ever, there would be a Halloween party in the Mess Hall of Voyager. Neelix had studied the holiday with care and had prepared a big program for the evening, including a costume parade for all the crewmembers who wanted to participate. 

Kathryn had quickly decided that she wouldn’t. Not only could wearing a costume hurt her authority as a Captain, she never really enjoyed Halloween herself. She was looking forward to watching the parade though. With Seven.

Seven had asked her a lot of questions about the holiday. She couldn’t help but think that it was a ridiculous human custom that had no place on a starship. However, Kathryn had explained to her how valuable these traditions could be for the morale of the crew. Seven had then withdrawn her objections to attending the party but, like Kathryn, refused to participate in the parade.

“At the party… would I still refer to you as the Captain or as Kathryn?” Seven suddenly asked. 

“Oh… I’ll leave that up to you.” Kathryn hadn’t really thought about how they should interact with each other off duty but in public. “Whatever feels more comfortable. We will be off duty after all.”

Seven nodded but there was still a frown on her face. Kathryn quickly reached out and stroked her fingers over Seven’s forehead, trying to smooth it out. “Don’t worry about it too much. We’ll just have some fun and we don’t have to stay too long.”

Seven took a deep breath and then put on a brave smile. It was useless to worry about such silly things but social gatherings still frightened her a little. She had to remind herself that this time it would be different, this time she would be there with Kathryn.

“You are right and we really should get some rest to prepare.” She said. “Shall we have breakfast together here before our shifts start?”

“That sounds great.” Kathryn returned her smile and then reached up to drawn Seven back in for a goodbye kiss. 

The kiss was long and deep. Seven was the one to break it, knowing that if she didn’t leave now she would never be able to. She moved her fingers through Kathryn’s hair one more time and then stepped back. “Sweet dreams, Kathryn.”

“Goodnight, Seven.” Kathryn sighed as she watched her girlfriend walk out of the door and then she was alone for the first time in days. 

She looked around at her belongings and furniture but somehow it all looked different. She quickly shook her head, took one more deep breath and then got ready for bed.

As she climbed in her own bed again she tried to ignore how cold the sheets felt against her skin. She shut her eyes and tried not to think about the empty feeling in her arms but just remember the good times she and Seven had shared together. 

It didn’t work. After tossing and turning for hours she finally got out of bed, grabbed an extra pillow and hugged it close as she laid back down. Then she finally fell into a restless sleep.

Two hours before Seven was going to come over for breakfast, Kathryn gave up on sleep. She would just have to make it through the day with the few hours of restless sleep she had gotten. Taking a long sonic shower, she tried to prepare herself for going back to duty. As she took her first cup of coffee of the day, she went through the reports of that weekend. 

Then her door chime sounded and she quickly stood up to answer it. Seven was early and Kathryn felt her exhaustion slide off of her as she greeted her girlfriend with a smile. She eagerly pulled her back in but before she could ask Seven how her regeneration had gone, Seven’s lips were back on her own. 

“How did you sleep?” Seven asked her, beating her to it.

“Terrible.” Kathryn admitted with a smile. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Seven said while ducking down for another kiss.

She had stared at her regeneration alcoves for a long time before she could even move in closer. She could not repress the deep revulsion and a desperate fear that coursed through her when she saw the Borg technology. The warmth and light of the cabin seemed ages ago somehow.

She had tried to restart her regeneration cycle multiple times because every time she had stepped out of her alcove again, feeling cold shivers go up and down her spine because of her nightmares. She had considered going back to the Captain’s quarters but she did not want to disturb Kathryn in the middle of the night. Nor did she want to worry her. 

“Did you complete a cycle?” Kathryn asked her anyway while she moved to her table which she had already set for breakfast.

“No.” Seven’s reply was very short and she did not offer any further explanation. Kathryn studied her for a bit but decided not to press her. She had not slept well herself so it wasn’t all that surprising that Seven had been unable to complete a regeneration cycle.

As they ate they discussed their coming day. Seven would go to Engineering to help Lieutenant Torres with some adaptations to their warp core. The Chief Engineer was still trying to apply the techniques they had picked up from the Darursai and could really use the extra hands and especially Seven’s sharp mind. Kathryn would return to the Bridge, something she was rather looking forward to after reading the reports. 

As they left the Captain’s quarters they were both feeling better and ready to take on the day. Kathryn gave Seven’s hand one more squeeze and then let her go, to walk to a different turbolift that would take her to Engineering. 

As she stood in the lift that would take her to the Bridge, Kathryn went over her uniform one more time. Straightening her combadge and counting her captain’s pips. Walking on the Bridge, she saw that most of the crew was already there.

“Good morning, Captain.” Tuvok was the first to greet her and then Chakotay quickly followed his example.

“How was your vacation?” He asked her with a twinkle in his eyes.

“It was perfect.” Kathryn smiled at him and then quickly sat down in her chair. It felt good to be back after all and Kathryn effortlessly eased back into her role as Captain while her First Officer filled her in on their status.

When Seven entered Engineering her eyes couldn’t find Lieutenant Torres so she walked over to a free console to get started on the work by herself. She briefly nodded at the crewmembers who were there but stopped as she saw the outfit of Ensign Ashmore. He wore a long black cape over a black version of the Starfleet uniform and appeared to have fangs protruding over his lips.

Seven stared at him and he quickly noticed. Turning around with a flourish of his cape, he smiled at her baring his fangs which up close turned out to be protheses which obstructed his speech. “Happy Halloween, Ssseven.”

“Happy Halloween, Ensign.” Seven blinked at his appearance for a few more moments but then moved on, not sure what to make of this holiday.

After several minutes the doors opened again and B’Elanna Torres stormed in, still running her fingers through her hair as if she had hurried getting ready.

“Good morning.” She said to no one in particular and then spotted Seven. She had almost reached her when she stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around to stare at Vampire Ashmore. 

Before he could greet her in a similar way as he had Seven, Torres cut him off. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Uh…” The Ensign hesitated, looking around for support from his fellow crewmembers but they had all quickly looked away after hearing Torres’ tone. “It’s Halloween?”

B’Elanna gave a short laugh and then slowly walked over until her face was only inches away from his. “Let me make something very clear to you. You will go back to your quarters, change into your uniform and take out those disgusting fangs or so help me I will personally make sure you get that stupid cape caught in the warp coil!”

Her voice had started out as a low growl but by the end it had reached quite an impressive volume. Seven watched the exchange with some amusement.

While Ashmore scrambled to get out of Engineering as quickly as he could, Lieutenant Torres turned around to address the others in the room. “While we are on duty I don’t want to see any of this Halloween nonsense! This is the Engineering Department not some comedy club.”

Seven barely dared to breath as the Chief Engineer huffed over to her and joined her at her console. Looking back at the crew Seven could see that Torres’ speech had made quite an impression as they all feverishly continued their work in silence.

“Quite impressive, Lieutenant.” Seven congratulated her, genuinely impressed with the way B’Elanna ran her department.

“Thanks Seven.” B’Elanna grumbled as she opened up her own work. “I just hate this stupid holiday.”

Seven hesitated. Her natural response would be to ask several follow-up questions, mostly because she wanted to know as much as possible about the Earth custom before she went to the party in the Mess Hall tonight. However, she did not want to get into a fight with Lieutenant Torres as she really wanted to work on this project with her.

B’Elanna looked up and noticed Seven had frozen in indecision. With a sigh she started to explain. “When I was a child, we used to celebrate Halloween every year. I loved it at first, the scary stories and all the candy. But then one year… a boy from my class told me I didn’t need to wear a costume because I already looked like a Klingon monster.”

Seven did not know what to say as a surge of pity went through her. However, B’Elanna wasn’t done. “So I decided not to go to the school’s Halloween party and instead I stayed home, to watch some scary movies with my dad. However… those kids, they showed up at our house, trick or treating. They were all dressed as Klingons.”

“I’m really sorry, B’Elanna.” Seven said after a few moments of silence in which she carefully figured out the right thing to say. “That is horrible.”

“Yes… well kids can be quite mean.” B’Elanna said as she walked over to the warp core to check her readings. “I never enjoyed Halloween after that and I won’t have any silly costumes in here. It’s bad enough that my husband is such a fan, I don’t want to hear about it while I work.”

“You won’t hear anything about it from me.” Seven quickly assured her and this earned her a smile from B’Elanna.

Ensign Ashmore came back in. Dressed in his uniform, he quietly shuffled towards a console in the corner as if he wanted to avoid the Chief Engineer at all cost. B’Elanna did not pay him any attention and Seven was relieved to see her immerse herself in her work, something she clearly enjoyed.

After a rather fiery discussion about how best to adjust the Darusai’s techniques to their own Federation technology, B’Elanna was fully relaxed again and suddenly asked Seven how her weekend away had gone.

“It was… very nice.” Seven stuttered. She had not expected the question and was unsure what she should tell the Lieutenant.

“Just nice or…” B’Elanna’s voice trailed off suggestively. 

Seven blushed and quickly looked back at their work which earned her a laugh from the Chief Engineer.

“It was perfect actually.” Seven confided in her and B’Elanna’s laugh quickly turned into a smile.

“Glad to hear it.” She said. “You both could use a break after Revaik. Besides, belief me when I say it’s a good idea to take time to get away together when you start a new relationship.” 

Seven was just about to ask her to elaborate when the ship wide communication channel turned on. All they could hear was a loud interference and everyone looked up from their work.

“What the hell is that?” B’Elanna shouted as she walked towards another console to check on the communication system. Before she could do anything though, the sound suddenly stopped and was replaced by a voice. A voice straight from Seven’s nightmares.

_“We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I added the cliffhangers tag again. ;)  
> As always let me know what you think! Even if you think I am being very mean. :P


	2. Choking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading this story and a special thanks for those leaving kudos and comments!

Seven froze completely as a cold surge of panic coursed through her body. She couldn’t move and she couldn’t breathe. For a fleeting second her mind told her that she had imagined the voice, that it wasn’t real but just a ghost from her nightmares. Then she looked at B’Elanna’s face and knew she hadn’t imagined it as she saw her own fear mirrored in her dark eyes.

Then the red alert was called. Red lights flashed through the Engineering Department and the first crewmembers started to move to their battle positions.

Their movements woke Seven up and then there was only one more thought on her mind. 

_Kathryn._

Without thinking and without asking Lieutenant Torres what she should do, Seven sprinted towards the doors and ran into the corridors. She vaguely heard B’Elanna call out her name but she ignored her. All she cared about was getting to the Bridge as fast as she could.

Howeever, her legs did not want to move as quickly as she wanted them too and the corridors were now crowded with others who were trying to get to their posts. Seven tried to avoid colliding with them while she envied their Starfleet training. It seemed to have at least some sort of calming effect on them. Meanwhile, her whole body was taken over by a blind panic the voice of the Collective had caused.

She had to get to Kathryn. She had to be there to… protect her. To help her fight.

Seven had almost made it to the turbolift when the red lights suddenly stopped blinking and the normal lights turned back on. Then the ship wide communication channel was activated again.

“Cancel Red Alert.” The Captain’s voice hit Seven like she was punched in the chest and she stopped dead in her tracks as if Kathryn had ordered her to stop running. “We are not under attack by the Borg. We have fallen victim to an immature and stupid Halloween prank by two officers who will be disciplined accordingly.”

Seven tried to breathe again as her mind tried to process what Kathryn was saying. They were not under attack? The Borg weren’t there? They were safe… 

“I repeat, we are not under attack. As you were.” Kathryn’s annoyed voice told them one more time and then it was gone. 

Seven leaned against one of the walls. She distantly registered the irritated voices of angry crewmembers, muttering about the prank, but then a panicked sound took over and she couldn’t hear anything else. A small part of her knew that the sound was coming from her but she couldn’t focus enough to end it.

Her arms and legs started to tremble and she slowly slid down the wall until she was sitting down. She felt like she was choking as she couldn’t find the strength to take deep breaths. The sound of her strangled and quick breaths filled her ears along with the rushing of her blood. She forcefully shut her eyes. 

After what seemed like hours, a hand closed around her arm and on instinct she struck out her hand to swat it away while trying to get away from whoever was touching her.

“Seven?” B’Elanna’s voice sounded very far away. “Seven, it’s alright, we are not in any danger.” 

Seven’s eyes flew open and landed on B’Elanna’s familiar face. Her vision was starting to blur though and she couldn’t focus as her heart was trying to jump out of her chest.

“Can’t… breathe.” She choked out and she could see B’Elanna look around at the crewmembers who were still in the corridor with them. Then she looked back at Seven and touched her own combadge.

“Torres to the Captain.” Her voice barely made it to Seven’s ears as she felt herself unable to sit up anymore. B’Elanna’s arms quickly prevented her from falling down.

“This isn’t a good time, B’Elanna. I am trying to decide what to do with your husband.” Kathryn’s reply was short and irritated and Seven almost didn't recognize her voice but that was probably due to the ringing in her ears.

“Tom is responsible for this?” B’Elanna growled back but then she looked back at Seven’s face. “Um… Captain, I am with Seven and she is having a severe panic attack. She says she can’t breathe.”

“Where are you?” Kathryn asked her urgently.

“Deck 11, just outside the turbolift.” B’Elanna told her. “Should I call the Doctor?”

“Yes… I mean, no. I am on my way.” The Captain answered her hurriedly.

“Okay, Seven. The Captain… Kathryn is on her way.” B’Elanna repeated, unsure whether or not Seven had heard.

Seven had heard. It was all she could think about besides the need to breathe. 

Kathryn was on her way. Everything was going to be alright. She just needed to find a way to breathe but she couldn’t. Her head was beginning to spin and she was sure she was going to faint soon. Desperate she clung at B’Elanna’s arms, probably squeezing a little too hard but it was all she could do to keep herself from falling as her vision started to turn dark.

Kathryn urged the turbolift to go faster as her worries about Seven heightened. Maybe she had been wrong to tell B’Elanna not to call the Doctor. But she knew that Seven wouldn’t want that. She could still transport her to Sick Bay if necessary. Now she just needed to get to her as fast as she could while her mind tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Everything had seemed fine this morning while Chakotay brought her up to speed about the events of the past few days. When he was done they noticed that Tom Paris and Harry Kim were very late for their shifts. Tuvok told them that he had seen the two men drinking together in the Mess Hall the night before and Kathryn expected that to be the reason for their tardiness. Maybe they thought they could take advantage of her relaxed state, coming back from her vacation with Seven.

Before she could come up with a strategy on how best to deal with her officers, the ship wide communication channel had malfunctioned. Tuvok had tried to figure out where the sound was coming from but then the long range scanners picked up a vessel coming their way. Only a few seconds later the voice of the Collective had ringed in their ears…

Kathryn had frozen in shock for only a heartbeat or two before she jumped out of her chair and called for a red alert. Her mind flitted to Seven in Engineering but then her training took over as she ordered everyone to battle stations and the Helm to take them away from the vessel that was approaching them as fast as they could. 

Before they could move, however, the doors of the turbolift opened. Revealing two Borg drones stepping onto the Bridge. Kathryn spun around and stared at them in shock. She saw her officers reach for their phasers but then… she recognized the drones.

“Trick or treat!” Tom and Harry called out and the phasers were immediately lowered.

A stunned silence followed and those who did not continue to stare at the two men, dressed in what now turned out to be poorly executed Borg costumes, returned their gaze to her, the Captain.

“What the devil do you two think you’re doing?!” She barked at them.

“Happy Halloween, Captain.” Tom Paris said with a grin. But then his smile faltered a little when he realized that their prank had not been well received.

Kathryn stared at him for a while and then turned to Tuvok. “The scanners?”

“It appears we have been fed false data, Captain. There is no vessel approaching us.” Tuvok told her in his usual calm voice.

“Yes… no that was us. You see we came up with…” Harry Kim started to explain but Kathryn cut him off.

“Cancel red alert!” She yelled at no one in particular and then issued the same message through the ship wide communication channel which was functioning normally again.

“Why on Earth do you think this is funny?” Chakotay asked the two officers who were now looking scared as the Captain had used the word ‘disciplined’ in her message.

Kathryn didn’t listen to their faltering apologies as she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to get her breathing and heartbeat to slow down again. She had to remain calm even though she was very angry. She needed to think, to figure out the best way to handle this situation.

Then B’Elanna’s voice had pulled her from her thoughts and when she told her that Seven was having a panic attack, everything changed. 

She pushed the two men in their costumes aside as she sprinted towards the turbolift.

“Oh God. I am really sorry Captain. Seven… we didn’t think…” Tom’s face, beneath all the make-up showed some real remorse but that wasn’t enough for Kathryn. Their prank had hurt her Seven and she could not deal with their apologies right now.

“Tuvok, throw these two in the Brig.” She said with as much calm as she could muster. “Chakotay, you have the Bridge.” 

After that the short ride in the turbolift seemed to stretch on forever. She was tapping her foot impatiently and before the doors fully opened, she was sprinting down the corridor. She could see a group of crewmembers gathered around someone on the floor and they quickly made way for her. 

Then she saw Seven and her heart throbbed. She was clinging to B’Elanna with both hands and she was clearly having trouble breathing. 

Kathryn fell to her knees in front of Seven and, with some difficulty, took her hands into her own. B’Elanna, now free of Seven’s grasp, stood up and told the others to give them some space and go back to their duties. She then hovered close-by, unsure what to do next.

Kathryn decided to ignore her although she was very grateful for her help. All of her attention was focused on her girlfriend who was clearly falling apart. 

“Seven.” She released one hand to stroke Seven’s face which was clammy with cold sweat. “Seven, it’s me. I am here.”

“Kathryn…” Seven choked out between gasps and her blue eyes locked onto her face. The expression in them was wild and filled with panic. “I… can’t… breathe.”

“I know, darling.” Kathryn tried to remember her training. As a commanding officer she had been taught what to do when a subordinate was having a panic attack. “Just focus on me, okay? Look at me, Seven.”

The blue eyes flew wildly across her face as if Seven did not know what part of Kathryn to focus on.

“Just look at my eyes. That’s right.” Kathryn encouraged her. “And now we are going to breathe together. Just follow me. In…”

She took a deep breath and could see that Seven was struggling to follow her lead. She could not hold her breathe as long as Kathryn did though and released it in panicked gasps. Then she closed her eyes in frustration.

“No, Seven. Look at me.” Kathryn held her face in both her hands now while Seven’s hands clutched at her forearms. “Keep your eyes open, okay? Now again… Breathe in.”

Seven did not close her eyes again and after a while she was able to follow Kathryn’s breathing. There were tears filling her eyes now though and after Kathryn was sure that she was breathing properly again, she enveloped her in a hug.

“I’m sorry.” Seven mumbled against her chest. “I’m… so… sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Kathryn soothed her, stroking her hands slowly up and down Seven’s back. 

Then she realized they were still sitting on the floor of one of the corridors of Deck 11. Holding Seven’s head close to her, she looked up and saw that Lieutenant Torres was still standing next to them. She was guarding them from any curious eyes but as she met the Captain’s gaze, Kathryn could see the pity in her eyes as they flitted back to Seven.

“Seven. I am going to transport us back to my quarters. Is that alright?” Kathryn asked her softly, not wanting to startle her again.

She was relieved to feel Seven nod against her. Before she addressed the Computer, she turned back to her Chief Engineer. “Thank you, B’Elanna.” 

“You’re welcome.” She replied softly. “If there is anything else I can do…”

Kathryn briefly smiled back at her and then transported Seven and herself back to the privacy of her quarters.

Being back in the Captain’s quarters enabled Seven to breathe more easily and the shame of her breakdown abated a little, knowing that it was just Kathryn who could see her now. Still she felt awful, silly and weak which caused the tears to finally slide down her cheeks.

Kathryn helped her stand up and then slowly moved her to the couch. Seven still clutched at Kathryn, afraid she might let her go. However, the Captain laid down on the couch and then pulled Seven in close.

She did not speak to her and Seven was grateful for the silence as she was unable to stop crying. Sobs wrecked her body and she tried to stop them which only made breathing harder again.

“Shhh, just let it all out now. It’s okay.” Kathryn’s voice spoke directly into her ear. Her hands were still stroking her back and Seven pushed her forehead closer against Kathryn’s shoulder, fully aware that her tears were staining the Captain’s uniform.

Her mind was trying to comprehend why she was crying. The main reason seemed to be relief. Knowing that they were safe after all. The stress and fear of thinking that they were under attack had made such an impact on her body, that it was now just trying to recover.

It had seemed so real, the voice had really been the voice of the Collective. She would recognize it anywhere. She did not know yet how the prank was executed but it had seemed very real. 

She had been sure that at any moment Borg drones would board Voyager. Attack them and make their way through the ship… Assimilating everyone they encountered… Assimilating Kathryn…

Suddenly, Seven felt her breakfast rise up again in her throat. She quickly disentangled herself from Kathryn’s embrace and stumbled towards the bathroom. She had the presence of mind to shut the bathroom door before her body started to convulse and throw up her breakfast. 

As if her body was trying to expel all of her fear, stress and shame with it, it kept jerking, trying to heave it all out. 

At last it stopped. Seven slid down on the cold bathroom floor and through her tears she tried to focus on her breathing. Only then did she notice Kathryn’s arms were holding her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and whether or not you're disappointed that it was just a prank. ;)


	3. Pure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little longer than normal. I hope you'll like it.

Reaching up, Kathryn could just get to the cabinet with the wash clothes without letting go of Seven completely. Running one swiftly under some hot water was another challenge but she succeeded. Then she gently wiped the sweat from Seven’s face. Hoping that she would open her eyes to show Kathryn how she was doing. But she didn’t.

When Seven had run to the bathroom, Kathryn had been left stunned on the couch for a few moments. Then she quickly got up and followed her girlfriend. At the closed door, she hesitated for a bit but then decided this was not a time for shame or being squeamish. 

In the end, all she could do was hold Seven’s trembling body in her arms as she tried to figure out what else to do. Her mind flitted back and forth to calling the Doctor and getting Seven away from the cold bathroom floor. 

Finally she settled on that last plan, trusting in Seven’s strength and her stubbornness. “Seven. Do you think you are ready to get up?”

Seven did not speak, nor did she open her eyes. She did nod, however, and Kathryn took that as a good sign. Taking hold of her arms she helped her up and then she quickly wrapped one arm around her waist. She led her back out the bathroom door but did not move back in the direction of the couch. Instead, she decided to take the much shorter trip to the bed. 

Seven was too tired or too upset to notice. She swayed on her feet a little when Kathryn let her go to throw back the blankets. Then Kathryn sat her down on the edge of the bed and knelt down to take off Seven's shoes.

Looking back up at her face, she could see Seven’s blue eyes were open now. But there was a very disturbing dazed look in them, as if she did not see Kathryn at all. 

Kathryn swallowed back some of her own fear and then gently urged Seven to lie down. She quickly took of her own boots and then almost sprinted around the bed to crawl in next to Seven.

Seven immediately turned towards her, her arms clung to her as she buried her face in her shoulder again. She was no longer crying but she was still shaking. Kathryn just stroked her back and hair, taking the pins out of it, one by one. 

After some long minutes, Seven’s body started to relax and Kathryn couldn’t stop her own sigh of relief. She gently leaned back to look at Seven’s face. The pain she saw there, even though Seven’s eyes were closed once more, almost broke her heart. 

“It’s okay, Seven. We are safe. No one is attacking us.” Kathryn soothed her, wanting nothing more than to make the pained expression disappear from her girlfriend’s face forever. 

“I was a part of it.” Seven mumbled against her shoulder. The words confused Kathryn but the tone frightened her even more. Seven’s voice was distant and weak. 

“What do you mean?” Kathryn asked her, stroking one hand over Seven’s cheek, urging her to open her eyes and look at her. 

Seven opened her eyes but she did not meet her gaze as she just stared ahead. She took another shuddering breath before she continued. “The voice… I was part of that voice. It was everywhere, filling all my thoughts and…”

Her voice broke and her eyes closed again as more tears leaked out. Kathryn did not know what to say. 

Seven’s time in the Collective had always been a sensitive topic. At first Seven had been fighting to go back to the Hive as she could not stand the silence in her own head. But then she had started to evolve as an individual which had caused her to face the trauma of her own assimilation and the terror of life as a Borg drone.

After she had lost her memories during the surgery that eliminated the failsafe in her cortical node, she had not regained the memory of the Collective. That was lost to her. She had told Kathryn that she did, however, remember her time as a Borg drone, her own memories of it. But she had been reluctant to speak of them and Kathryn knew she had not worked as hard to remember them as she had on her memories of her time on Voyager.

“I killed so many people.” Seven suddenly cried out and her voice was stronger now, filled with anguish. 

“Seven, no.” Kathryn blinked furiously to control her own tears. “You didn’t.”

“No, I did!” Seven said shakily. “I remember now. I remember each and every one of them.”

For a moment Kathryn thought of calling the Doctor in for help after all but she knew he couldn’t help with this. Not in the same way she could. 

“I remember their faces… their voices…” Seven went on while she stared ahead into nothing.

“Seven, look at me.” Kathryn told her and when she didn’t listen she grasped her chin to make her look up. She did not want to be forceful but it was very important that Seven understood what she was about to tell her.

“You did not kill the people you assimilated. You were not even responsible for their assimilation.” Kathryn’s eyes flitted back and forth between Seven’s blue ones. “The Collective assimilated them. You had no choice as you did not have a mind of your own back then. You… in a way _you_ did not even exist. You were a drone, a victim yourself. You are not responsible.”

There was a burning desperation in Seven’s eyes. As if she wanted nothing more than to believe what Kathryn was telling her. Slowly, Kathryn released her hold on Seven’s chin and was happy that she did not look away. She softly stroked Seven’s cheek again, wiping away the tears.

“It was not your fault, Seven. None of it was.” Kathryn whispered. 

“It still hurts.” Seven whispered back, tears choking up her voice. 

“I know, darling.” Kathryn said as she hugged her close again. “I know.”

They were silent after that and eventually Seven’s breathing evened out. Kathryn listened closely to it while she thought back on how all of this had started. Only 24 hours ago they had been gloriously happy on their vacation. Then that prank had ruined everything.

“The Doctor to the Captain.” Kathryn felt Seven jump in her arms as the Doctor’s voice cut through their peaceful silence.

Taking one arm away from Seven, Kathryn pushed her combadge to answer. “Yes, Doctor?”

“I heard about what happened and I was just wondering… if there is anything I can do for Seven?” His voice sounded hesitant, as if he knew that he was probably intruding. Still, Kathryn knew he only did because he cared about Seven. 

Kathryn looked down at Seven for a moment, briefly wondering if she should ask the Doctor to come over. Maybe he had some medication that could help Seven deal with her emotions. But then she felt Seven shake her head furiously against her shoulder.

“Thank you, Doctor, that is very kind of you but she is doing better now.” Kathryn told him. She really hoped it wasn’t a lie. She was still a bit unsure whether or not it was true. 

After ending the conversation she looked back down at Seven and was relieved to see her looking back. 

“Thank you.” Seven mumbled, clearly happy that she did not have to face the Doctor.

“Are you really feeling better?” Kathryn asked her, just to be sure. 

“Yes… I think so.” Seven said as she stretched out a little to ease the tension in her limps. “It all just came rushing back when I heard… the voice.”

Kathryn could no longer control her anger as it flared up again. She should never have conceded to celebrating Halloween, she should have known it was a bad idea. Suddenly she made up her mind. She ignored Seven’s surprised look as she pressed her combadge again. “Janeway to Chakotay.”

“Yes, Captain. How… how is Seven?” Chakotay sounded concerned.

“She is doing better now.” Kathryn answered him as she ran her fingers through Seven’s blond hair. “However, I think we should cancel the Halloween party.” 

Seven raised her head a little at that, looking down at Kathryn with surprise and a small frown. 

“I think that is probably a good idea.” Chakotay agreed with her. “No one is really feeling up to it anymore.”

“If anyone does have a problem with it, tell them to direct their complaints towards Paris and Kim in the Brig.” Kathryn ordered him.

“I’ll tell them… by the way… how long do you intend to keep Paris and Kim in the Brig?” Chakotay asked her hesitantly. 

Kathryn sighed, staring up at her ceiling. If it was up to her right now she would keep those two there indefinitely. But then she felt Seven’s hand touch her face. Surprised she looked back at her and saw her shake her head softly. 

“I can’t really decide on that right now.” Kathryn told her First Officer while looking into Seven’s eyes. “Let them stew in there for at least one night. We can make a decision tomorrow.”

“Very well.” Chakotay said and then ended the transmission.

“It was just a prank, Kathryn.” Seven said softly. She had recovered enough to stroke her fingers along the Captain’s pips. 

“It wasn’t funny.” Kathryn told her. “It hurt you.”

“You can’t let that influence your decision.” Seven quickly told her, her frown deepened. “They didn’t know what impact it would have on me. I didn’t even know…”

“Still…” Kathryn knew she shouldn’t let their relationship interfere with her Captain’s duties but she couldn’t let this go either. “They also commandeered the ship’s systems and fed the sensors false data. They impersonated an enemy of the Federation for crying out loud! On most starships that would be enough for a demotion at the very least.”

“We are not like most starships.” Seven countered, moving her fingers up to play with Kathryn’s hair. “Besides, I don’t think Tom could bear you demoting him again and Harry would surely die.”

Kathryn laughed a little at that, imagining their faces. She was happy to see Seven smile as well, even though it was still a bit weak. She quickly hugged her close again, burying her own face in Seven’s golden curls. “I won’t think about it till tomorrow.”

Seven focused on Kathryn’s warmth, on her breathe tickling her neck. She still felt a bit shaken up but she was calm enough now to sense these things again. As if she was back in her own skin and the demons were gone from her head. Well not gone… maybe back in their cages. 

After a long time just lying in each other’s arms, Seven cupped Kathryn’s neck and brought her lips to her own. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” Kathryn whispered back, her breath ghosted over Seven’s lips. 

“I love you.” Seven retorted. If she could not thank her girlfriend for calming her down she certainly would show her how much it meant to her.

Kathryn smiled before Seven recaptured her lips for one more deep kiss. Then she pulled back a little, looking into Kathryn’s gray eyes. She could still read concern in them and she wished she could take it away. She did not want her girlfriend to suffer in any way because of her own problems.

“Shouldn’t you go back to the Bridge?” Seven asked her softly, not wanting her to leave at all. 

Kathryn sighed but did not move. “I am sure they can handle one more day without me.”

Seven hesitated. It did not seem fair for her to claim the Captain like this. “I’ll be fine, you know.”

Kathryn studied her closely and then moved her hands back into her hair. Seven leaned into the touch. It still amazed her how soothing it was to feel Kathryn’s fingers on her skin and hair.

“I can always work from here if that eases your mind.” Kathryn told her. 

“It would.” Seven replied, happy with the compromise. Then she realized she had agreed to help out in Engineering for the whole day. “I promised B’Elanna I would help her today.”

“I am sure she understands.” Kathryn said. “She asked if there was anything else she could do to help you. Letting you off the hook for today is something.”

Seven bit her lower lip as she contemplated that. It felt both good and bad to have people like B’Elanna and the Doctor offer their help. In a way, she did not want them to worry about her or spend their precious time on helping her. But it also felt nice to know that they cared. 

One more look in Kathryn’s eyes and Seven knew that she was not going to leave the Captain’s quarters for the rest of the day. She reached up her hand to her own combadge and called B’Elanna to tell her herself.

“Seven!” B’Elanna greeted her happily. “Good to hear from you. How… how are you?”

“I am fine… B’Elanna. Thank you.” Seven said. She hesitated to use the Chief Engineer’s first name but after this morning it felt right. 

“Don’t worry, Seven. When Tom gets out of the Brig, I will kill him.” B’Elanna growled which earned her a laugh from Kathryn. 

“It was just a prank.” Seven repeated, this time to both women. “Besides, the Captain hasn’t decided yet what to do with them.”

“Well, whatever she decides, she has my full support.” B’Elanna said and Seven watched as Kathryn got up from the bed with a satisfied smile and walked to the living room. Probably to get another cup of coffee. 

“I wanted to let you know… I probably won’t get back to Engineering today.” Seven felt extremely awkward, as if she was admitting defeat or a weakness.

“Oh, no of course not. I did not expect you to.” B’Elanna answered. “I actually put our work on hold for now and am looking into the security of our systems so they can’t be hijacked again like that. We’ll continue when you feel up to it.”

“Thank you.” Seven said as Kathryn returned with her cup of coffee and a glass of water for Seven.

“Take care of yourself, Seven.” B’Elanna ended the transmission and Seven felt a lot better, relieved and more like herself. 

She accepted the glass from Kathryn and drank all the water in one go, feeling her stomach settle again as the pure water washed away her anxiety and the bitter taste in her mouth. She silently wished that she could wash away her past in the same way but then just settled back against Kathryn’s shoulder. Letting the smell of the coffee wash over her like a comforting blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think. Don't worry I will get to the core of this particular story soon.


	4. Lifting

After a while both Kathryn and Seven moved back into the living room of the Captain’s quarters. Only then did Seven notice how late it was and that Kathryn had missed lunch because of all the commotion she had caused.

She had just mentioned it when a chime told them that there was someone at the door. As Kathryn walked away to answer it, Seven quickly prepared herself for the possibility that the Doctor had come to check on her after all. But when the door opened she was happy to see Icheb standing there with a tray of food.

“Icheb! Come on in.” Kathryn greeted him happily. “We were just talking about getting something to eat.”

“Thank you, Captain.” Icheb said as he entered her quarters. He had been there a couple of times to share a dinner with Seven and Kathryn but he still seemed a little uncomfortable standing in the Captain’s quarters. 

He put the tray on the table and then moved his eyes to Seven. “How are you? I… heard about what happened.”

“I am sure everyone on the ship knows what happened by now.” Seven grumbled as she ran her fingers through her hair which was still down. “I’m fine.”

Icheb studied her for a moment and then looked back at the Captain as if to check whether Seven was telling the truth. Kathryn, however, was already examining the food he had brought and did not pay them any attention. 

“How are you? Did you… did the prank cause you any discomfort?” Seven stuttered. She did not know how to find the right words to ask Icheb if he was as affected by the voice of the Collective as she was. 

“I’m fine as well. I was in the Mess Hall when it happened.” Icheb told her and Seven was happy to notice that his voice sounded the same as usual. “I was helping Neelix set up for the party. Before he could figure out what we should do, the red alert was already canceled.”

“I am sorry about the party, Icheb.” Kathryn told him as she nibbled on a piece of toast. “I know you, and especially Neelix, were looking forward to it.”

“Don’t worry, Captain.” Icheb quickly assured her. “Everyone understands. However, Neelix did prepare a lot of food for tonight. So he wanted me to bring you this pumpkin soup.”

“That was very considerate of both of you.” Kathryn smiled at him.

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Icheb said as he turned back to Seven. “I am glad to see you are alright.”

“You too.” Seven answered softly and then watched him leave. She stood still for a moment, wondering at how grown up he already was but then she noticed Kathryn looking at her.

“So you want to try some pumpkin soup?” She asked Seven while removing the covers from two steaming bowls. 

As the smell from the soup hit her nose, Seven was both repulsed and intrigued by it. The thought of food was not very appealing to her right now but she also knew it would probably make her feel better after this morning. 

So she sat down across from Kathryn and gingerly started to eat. The process of eating was a lot more enjoyable to her when she could watch Kathryn eating as well. She clearly enjoyed the soup and that made it more pleasing to Seven too.

After they finished lunch, Kathryn called Chakotay again to let him know she would work on the reports they had discussed from her quarters. She would also prepare a senior staff meeting for tomorrow in which they could discuss the prank, the changes to their security systems that were clearly needed and the fate of the tricksters in the Brig.

Seven stayed as close to Kathryn as possible for the remainder of the day. For a while she tried to read reports from Astrometrics from the weekend and then she studied some of the star charts that they had made in the past few weeks. But soon her thoughts started to drift and instead she found herself studying her personal logs again.

She liked to go back to her logs as often as she could to help her whenever she felt insecure about her memory problems. Right now she felt very insecure and she wanted to read her very first logs from right after she was disconnected from the Collective.

She was so immerged in her reading that she didn’t notice Kathryn had stopped working and was looking at her intensely. Only when Kathryn reached over and touched her hand did she jolt back to the present. 

“Are you okay?” Kathryn asked her, looking deeply concerned. 

“Yes… sorry. I was just reading my personal logs from my first days on Voyager.” Seven replied as she squeezed her hand back to let her know she really was fine. 

“Trying to bring back some more memories?” Kathryn asked.

“In a way.” Seven tried to explain. “I have often avoided these first few logs because I did not recognize the words or the sentiment behind them. They are filled with so much anger and confusion.”

“Are you sure it is a good idea to read them now?” Kathryn still looked concerned. “After the day you've had?”

“Maybe not.” Seven agreed as she put her padd down. “However, I do understand them better now.”

Kathryn didn’t respond to that and Seven quickly changed the subject. She did not want Kathryn to think that she was going to wallow in self-pity or anger for the rest of the day. 

“How is your work going?” She asked the Captain.

“I’m mostly done for today.” Kathryn told her. “In a way it helps to work from here, less distractions.”

“Hmmm, that is because I have behaved myself today.” Seven teased her while she stood up and walked around the table to her girlfriend. 

The concerned look disappeared completely from Kathryn’s face as she recognized the playful tone in Seven’s voice. She smiled up at her and then opened her arms as Seven sat down in her lap. Leaving their work and their worries behind, they sank down in a kiss that was the start of another evening together.

Kathryn had been thrilled when Seven had decided to stay over for the night. She knew that Seven really needed to regenerate, especially because the night before had not been a success. But she also knew how stubborn Seven could be about the subject and she was selfishly happy to have her girlfriend in her quarters for the night.

Sleeping with Seven in her arms again had felt right and the stress and exhaustion of the day had swiftly melted away. How badly she had slept the night before, how well she had slept tonight. 

After she woke up, she stared at Seven for a while. Watching the peaceful expression on her face while she was still sleeping. She wanted to keep her like that forever. Safe and happy. But she knew she couldn’t protect Seven from all the pain life would throw at her. 

For now though she was very eager to keep her asleep for as long as possible. Which was why she started her own day as quietly as possible, taking her breakfast and her first coffee in the living room. Then she went over her plans for the day again, finalizing the agenda for the senior staff meeting as she delayed leaving her quarters.

She peeked into the bedroom from time to time to see if Seven had woken up yet but her girlfriend was still fast asleep. She briefly considered leaving her a note and go to the Bridge after all but that did not feel right. 

At last she knew she couldn’t put off leaving her quarters any longer. Besides, she was also getting a little worried at Seven sleeping for so long. Normally, she was the one who woke up first. 

Carefully she laid back down on the bed and stroked her fingers over Seven’s face and through her hair. “Seven? It’s time to wake up now.”

She watched as the peaceful expression on Seven’s face changed to one of annoyance and then her eyes blinked open. “Kathryn?”

“Good morning.” Kathryn said softly as she placed a kiss on Seven’s forehead. “I’m sorry to wake you but I should really start my shift now.”

“What time is it?” Seven mumbled as she raised herself up a little. 

“It’s half past nine.” Kathryn answered and watched the surprise on Seven’s face with some amusement. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did.” Seven said. “Clearly, a little too well.”

“You can stay here for as long as you want.” Kathryn told her, not wanting her to feel rushed. “I just want to visit the Brig before the senior staff meeting and didn’t want to leave without telling you.”

Seven looked her in the eyes at the change in her tone. Kathryn knew she shouldn’t still feel so angry about the prank but she couldn’t shake it. That was why she wanted to talk to Tom and Harry before she could even think about their punishment. Maybe listening to their apologies would help ease her anger.

“Don’t be too hard on them, Captain. Please?” Seven asked her both playfully and pleading. 

Kathryn quickly squeezed her hand in her own. “I’ll try.” She said while she stood up again and straightened her uniform. “What do you want to do today?”

Seven stood up too and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up. “I want to stop by the Astrometrics Lab this morning to check on a few things. Then I think I will return to Engineering this afternoon if B’Elanna is done with the staff meeting.”

“Remember to take it easy today.” Kathryn told her as she watched her from the doorway. “If you need anything, even if it is just to talk, you call me, okay?”

“I will.” Seven said as she walked back towards her for a quick kiss. “Now you should really go, Captain.”

Kathryn smiled back at her and then reluctantly left her quarters to face the Halloween tricksters.

Seven lingered in the Captain’s quarters for a while. Somehow it felt difficult to leave even though staying there without Kathryn still seemed a bit off, as if she shouldn’t be there alone. However, the prospect of going back out in the corridors and face the other members of the crew scared her.

News travelled fast on Voyager and by now everyone must know all the details about her breakdown during the prank. Normally Seven didn’t care what the other crewmembers thought of her but now she knew their gazes would be filled with pity. An emotion she still had trouble dealing with. 

Taking one final deep breath, she opened the door and made her way to the Astrometrics Lab as fast as she could. Thankfully, because the morning shift had started a long time ago, she did not meet many people and most of them only nodded at her before she flew past them. 

Entering the lab she was very relieved to see it was completely empty. The sounds of the consoles and even the smells of them, comforted her. This was her terrain, her place of work. She could be useful here, use her mind to help Voyager in its journey home.

She started up all the reports she needed and lost herself in the work for a while. Every star system Voyager encountered was new to them. No other Federation ship had ever mapped the Delta Quadrant so every bit of data they collected was new and could therefore be useful. This meant that she could make all the calculations and graphs she wanted. 

A thrilling prospect on most days but today she found it a little difficult to care about the information on her screens. After a few hours she had done the most exciting calculations and then her mind started to drift.

From time to time the words the voice of the Collective had uttered the day before came back to her and she kept rubbing her neck as if she could feel the press of assimilation tubules there.

In the end she became too frustrated to stand still so she started to pace from screen to screen. She briefly considered, leaving the lab and go somewhere else but she knew that wherever she went, people would probably want to talk to her about what had happened yesterday. An event like this prank would certainly continue to be a hot topic of conversation on Voyager for weeks. 

So she stayed in the lab and her eyes looked around to find a task to distract herself with. They landed on an ornate chest that was carelessly stowed away in one of the corners. 

Slowly she made her way towards it and then gently touched the lid, almost as if she was afraid she would receive an electric shock if she touched it. Opening the lid, her eyes found the ornate telescope inside. 

She hesitated, unsure whether or not this was the right thing to do now. She wanted to be distracted from the Borg. Not reminded of them.

But she couldn’t move away, as if the telescope had some sort of gravitational force pulling her in. She picked it up and moved her fingers over its surface, remembering the first time she had seen it.

The telescope had been a gift of Caesar Uzai of the Darursai. It had been a family heirloom, lastly owned by his youngest son, Isai, who loved gazing at the stars. But Isai had been taken by the Borg. Assimilated. Gone. 

Upon meeting Seven, Uzai had expressed the hope of seeing his son again. He told her that if his son was ever rescued from the Borg, he hoped Isai would be taken in by his people like the crew of Voyager had taken care of her. A false hope, she knew.

The changes of Uzai ever seeing his son again were extremely small. And then even if he did… Isai would not be the same. She was not the same as she had been before her assimilation or how she would have been if she had grown up human. 

Growing up Borg had changed her, turned her into a monster worthy of Halloween pranks. Her personality was different than it would have been. Her body was very different. Even now she could see the Borg mesh of her left hand glint in the light, the same way as the metal of the telescope did. Her implants were a daily reminder of what she was…

Suddenly she could no longer hold the telescope. As if it was burning her she placed it back into the chest, shut the lid with a little too much force and then took two steps back. She raised her hands to wipe them across her face, to help banish the disturbing thoughts from her mind, but she stopped as her eyes landed on her Borg hand again.

She could step away from the telescope all she wanted but she could not run from her own implants. They were there for good, the Doctor could not remove them. All his programming and the Federation databases had not given them any solution on how to get rid of them.

Through the tears that welled up in her eyes again, the ornate decorations of the chest, glinting back at her. A thought entered her mind as if it was a star or a gemstone shining light on her. The Federation databases did not contain information to help her… but perhaps the Darursai databases did.

Quickly she walked back to the main viewing screen and then feverishly closed down all the reports on star systems and instead pulled up her own medical file. Feeling a strange sense of purpose and hope lift her spirits, she opened up the Doctor’s version of the Darursai’s medical database and started searching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, please let me know what you think!


	5. Storm

Kathryn was grateful for the time it took her to get from her quarters to the Brig. With every step she tried to secure her role of the Captain and leave her feelings for Seven in the background. 

When she arrived at the doors of the Brig, she took one more deep breath, squared her shoulders and then marched in. Lieutenant Ayala was on duty and quickly stood to attention. Apparently he had been talking to the two prisoners but when he saw her enter the Brig, he swiftly returned to his station after greeting her. 

Kathryn nodded to him but then moved her gaze to the two men in the cell. Thankfully they had changed back into their uniforms, leaving the ridiculous costumes behind. She could not help but feel a little pleased at the miserable and, more importantly, frightened looks on their faces.

She walked up to the forcefield but did not say a word, wondering who of the two would crack first. Harry Kim looked like he was never going to talk again so of course it was Tom Paris who broke the awkward silence.

“Captain… how is Seven?” He asked her and Kathryn raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had not expected that to be his first question. 

Instead she had expected a storm of apologies and excuses but not this quiet question and the concern in Tom’s eyes. Apparently the news about Seven’s panic attack had made quite an impact on the two tricksters. 

“She is fine now.” Kathryn told them but she could not keep the sharpness out of her tone. She wanted to stay in her role as Captain but Seven’s name was apparently enough to bring her emotions right back to the surface. “She is returning to duty this morning.”

“Good… that’s good.” Tom mumbled and looked at Harry for support but the ensign was staring at his own feet. “We would really like to apologize to her.”

“You will. I’ll make sure that you do, believe me.” Kathryn replied. “But now I would like for you to explain to me why you thought this… prank, for lack of a better word, was a good idea.”

Tom then started to explain. He told her how he and Harry had been drinking in the Mess Hall the night before, reminiscing about Halloweens from their childhoods. They had come up with the idea of a prank and then had spent the rest of the night preparing for it. 

“I’m really sorry, Captain. We both are.” Tom said and Harry actually did look up this time to nod feverishly in agreement. “We did not think it through at all. We never realized what the impact of this prank would be.”

“I find that a severe lack in judgement, Mr. Paris. From both of you.” Kathryn said as she pierced both of them with her Janeway glare. “Putting that aside for a moment, you also hijacked our communication system and fed our long range sensors false data. Finally you impersonated an enemy of the Federation.”

Tom visible paled as she listed their crimes in those words and Harry hid his face in his hands. Kathryn briefly wondered if he was going to throw up.

“I do not need to tell you what kind of punishment you would have received if you had pulled this off at the Academy.” Kathryn continued. “I have every right to strip both of you of your ranks and to leave you here in the Brig for the remainder of our journey.”

In the silence that followed Tom opened up his mouth several times to speak but he seemed to be lost for words. 

She almost felt sorry for them… maybe she was being too hard on them. They were two of the most colorful officers she had ever served with. Both of them. They were resourceful young men and she was happy to have them with her in the Delta Quadrant. She knew they both looked up to her as their Captain…

But then she remembered holding a crying Seven in her arms and the panic the prank had caused all over the ship. She quickly reminded herself that no matter how much she liked Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim on a personal level, she had to be the Captain now.

“I have planned a senior staff meeting for today in which we will discuss your punishment.” Kathryn told them. “Until we have reached a decision you are to remain here and not speak to anyone else.”

At that last part she shot Lieutenant Ayala a look, who seemed to take the hint. He certainly looked like he had just received a scolding from the Captain as well. 

When she looked back she saw a very pleading look in Tom’s blue eyes and she felt herself waver for a moment. Then she wondered what his father would say if he knew what his son had done. This only increased her pity for young Mr. Paris though. 

Without saying another word and with only a brief nod at Ayala, she left the Brig again. Entering the corridor she checked to see that it was empty and then allowed herself to lean against the wall for a minute. Pinching her nose, she tried to calm the storm of emotions inside of her. It wasn’t easy being the Captain, it just never was…

Thankfully she did not need to do everything alone. Reminding herself of that, she started walking to the Briefing Room. 

As she entered, she saw that everyone else was already there. Of course it did feel like only half of them were present. Paris and Kim usually were the life of the party, even at meetings. 

“I just came back from the Brig to talk to our two tricksters.” Kathryn informed everyone as she took her seat. “But before we talk about what to do with them, I wanted to use this morning to talk about their little prank and its impact. Then this afternoon we can discuss how they hijacked our systems so easily. Only if there is time can we discuss the punishment.”

“Captain.” B’Elanna Torres broke in and Kathryn half expected her to ask her how her husband was doing. “If you don’t mind I would like to be excused for the sentencing part.”

“Of course, Lieutenant. I understand.” The Captain reassured her.

“Don’t get me wrong. You can do whatever you want with them. I couldn’t care less.” B’Elanna continued. “I would just like to be as uninvolved as possible.”

Kathryn smiled at her, knowing full well that she did in fact care. But she could see that she was not the only one with unresolved anger concerning this prank.

“Captain, I have to ask. How is Seven?” The Doctor turned the conversation around.

“She is fine. She is returning to duty this morning.” Kathryn repeated what she had told Tom and Harry. 

“It seemed like the prank was hardest on her.” Chakotay said. “Although I don’t think anyone else enjoyed it much.”

“I have to be honest with you and say that I find it very hard to be objective in this.” Kathryn confided in them. “I don’t want my emotions to take over but I can’t forget what this prank did to Seven.”

“I don’t think we should forget it.” Tuvok spoke up. “Her reaction was a direct result of the prank and should therefore be considered when we discuss their punishment.”

Kathryn was glad when she saw the others nod in agreement. Feeling a lot better already, she then started to ask them about the reports that had come in concerning the prank. It took the rest of the morning to discuss the panicked mistakes that had been made when the red alert was called. In a way the prank had served as a security drill and even though they had not called for it, it was a good idea nonetheless to go over the mistakes to prevent them from happening again in the future when they were really under attack.

When they were done, Neelix called for a lunch break and hurried off to get them all some food. The Doctor left too. He of course didn’t need lunch and he was eager to return to Sick Bay, especially as Voyager’s Nurse was currently held in the Brig. The Doctor also felt he did not need to be present for the technical discussion of the afternoon. 

Kathryn left the table as well and walked to a quiet corner of the room to call Seven. “Kathryn to Seven.”

It took a few seconds for Seven to reply and Kathryn’s mind immediately assumed the worse. “Seven here.”

Closing her eyes in relief Kathryn quickly took another deep breathe. “How are you?”

“I’m fine… how are you?” Seven asked her and Kathryn immediately recognized the distracted tone of her voice. She had clearly interrupted Seven’s research which also explained the slight delay.

“I’m fine too. Although I do think this meeting will take the rest of the day. So you probably won’t have to return to Engineering this afternoon. We are just about to have some lunch. Do you want to join us?” Kathryn asked her but she already knew what Seven’s answer would be.

“If you don’t mind I would rather stay in the Lab.” Seven told her. “I am not very hungry right now.”

Before Kathryn could worry about that, she told herself that Seven had had a very late breakfast. “Okay, shall we meet for dinner later? Neelix says he still needs help to get rid of all of the party food.”

“Sure. Shall I meet you in the Mess Hall?” Seven asked her.

“I will see you there at seven o’clock.” Kathryn told her.

As she watched Neelix bring in a cart full of food, Seven broke off the communication without saying another word. This was not that unusual but Kathryn could not help but wonder. 

Maybe she should have suggested to have dinner at her quarters again. On the other hand, it was a good sign that Seven had suggested the Mess Hall herself. Shaking her head she quickly tried to banish all of her worries to the back of her mind as she joined her staff for lunch.

Seven tried to get her focus back on the files she had opened in the Darursai database but the short talk with Kathryn had pulled her out too much and now she had lost the logic of it again. 

Even though the Doctor had restructured most of the information, it was still very hard to read. Sighing she started back at the beginning of the file. She had just made it halfway through when her combadge beeped again. 

“The Doctor to Seven of Nine.” Seven closed her eyes as his voice echoed around the room.

“Yes?” She answered him annoyed. 

“Well good day to you too!” He said, clearly catching her tone. “I just wanted to see how you are doing but it sounds like you are almost back to your old self.”

“I am.” Seven said but then realized he was just looking out for her. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“You are welcome. Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?” He asked.

“No.” Seven said as she already moved her screens back to the beginning of the table she was studying. 

“Alright…” The Doctor hesitated. “Just know that you can call on me if you need something.”

“Wait!” Seven quickly said before he could end his call. “I could actually use your help with something.”

“Excellent.” The Doctor sounded happy. “What can I do for you?”

Seven was silent for a moment. How could she best explain to him what she was doing? “Could you perhaps stop by the Astrometrics Lab so I can show you?”

“I’m on my way.” The Doctor said. 

Seven quickly pulled up her own medical file again. The obvious advantage of the lab was the large viewscreen. Of course it was not supposed to be used for this exactly… but for now it worked very well. 

She briefly felt guilty for spending her time on this. She was supposed to be on duty again today, not studying her own medical history. But this was too important. Besides she would make up for it later. 

Turning around at the sound of the doors opening, she saw that the Doctor had brought over some of his instruments. She frowned at them a little, not sure what the Doctor thought she had meant when she asked for his help.

“Hello, Seven.” The Doctor greeted her happily but his eyes were closely studying her face.

“Doctor. Before you ask, I really am fine.” Seven told him.

“That is good to hear, Seven. What do you need my help with?” His voice trailed off a little as his eyes had moved to the screens and he recognized the information she was studying.

“I was wondering…” Seven hesitated. “I know you have said that you can not extract any more of my implants.”

The Doctor’s face fell as he understood that they were once again back at this discussion. Before he could say anything though, Seven continued. “But we now have access to the Darursai’s databases and their science is very advanced. I thought… I thought maybe there is something in there that can help me.”

She gestured at the screens, hoping to draw his attention to the information she had laid out for him. But the Doctor was still studying her. 

“Seven. I know it is difficult for you to accept the thought of having to live with your implants for the rest of your life.” He started out and Seven quickly looked away as she recognized the pity in his eyes and voice. “But I really think that the best way to help yourself is to work on that acceptance.”

“You don’t understand.” Seven said stubbornly. “There could be something there. There is so much advanced information in here.”

“I know.” The Doctor quickly agreed. “But the Darursai have never studied the Borg or their implants. Nor do they have any information on the human body. I think it is very unlikely that we could find anything in here that would lead to another extraction.”

“But we might.” Seven countered, locking her eyes on his again. “All I ask of you, is to keep an open mind and to help me look for it.”

“Very well. I will.” The Doctor sighed. “Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday?”

“No…” Seven frowned and looked back at her screens. “I just… I realized that we have not considered the full potential of these databases yet.”

The Doctor did not say anything but Seven was sure that she had not convinced him. Not of the fact that the Halloween prank had nothing to do with her new research nor of her belief that there could be something hidden in these databases that would help her. She could not fully explain it herself but she was absolutely sure that there was.

“I am going to return to Sick Bay now, considering that my nurse is still being held prisoner in the Brig.” The Doctor said. “I promise you I will look at the databases again. You can join me if you want? We could work on this together.”

It was Seven’s turn to study him as she looked at his face for any hidden meanings behind his words. Inviting her to come with him to Sick Bay almost felt like a trap, as if he wanted to examine her there to make sure she really was okay. Besides, she did not feel like leaving the peaceful quiet of her lab just yet.

“Thank you but I guess I should get back to my work now.” Seven told him.

“Good. Try to get your mind of it and I will let you know if I find something.” The Doctor said as he picked up his instruments again and turned to leave.

“Thank you, Doctor.” Seven told him and then watched as the doors closed behind him.

She knew he would keep his promise but still… it wouldn’t hurt to keep looking herself as well. He probably had other work to do too and she had already started… Her own work could wait just for a little while longer. 

Going back to the beginning of her file, she started searching again. Every time she opened a new file, there was a small spark of hope that it would hold the information that she needed. Then the next one would surely contain some sort of clue... 

After a while she heard the doors open again behind her. She turned around, fully expecting to see the Doctor standing there with a triumphant smile on his face. Instead she found Kathryn staring at her with a worried expression on hers.

With a jolt, Seven realized what time it was and how long she had spent on this. Before she could say anything or apologize, she saw Kathryn’s eyes move to the files open on the viewing screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't really count as a cliffhanger, right? ;)  
> If you have the time let me know what you think!


	6. Waft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

The senior staff meeting had gone extremely slow. They hadn’t even begun to discuss what to do with the two officers in the Brig because Tuvok felt that they should take the opportunity to evaluate everything in detail, the way they would have done if it really had been a scheduled drill. B’Elanna was eager to modify the systems to prevent a hijacking in the future so the rest of the afternoon was used to discuss the needed adjustments. 

Kathryn had caught herself drifting off more than once. She had started thinking about what Seven was doing at that time, how Tom and Harry were doing in the Brig and she even thought about the Borg and where they might be. 

All of it had given her a slight headache and she was very happy when she could finally call the meeting to an end at a quarter to seven. They would reconvene in the morning. 

She quickly said goodnight to the others and then almost sprinted to the Mess Hall. When she entered her eyes swept the room, searching for Seven but she wasn’t there yet. Instead of finding a table, Kathryn waited for her near Neelix’s counter grateful to be standing again after the long meeting.

At 7 pm exactly, Seven was still not there. Which was very unusual as she was normally punctual to the extreme. She had sounded very distracted when Kathryn had called her around noon… maybe she was just busy trying to catch up with her work. 

When another 15 minutes had passed and Neelix had asked her if he could bring her some food, Kathryn left the Mess Hall. Somehow her instincts told her not to call Seven but to go straight to her. She quickly checked Seven’s location in the Computer and then made her way to the Astrometrics Lab.

On the way there, her mind came up with all kinds of horrible scenarios of what might have happened to her girlfriend. In the end she almost ran through the doors of the lab and a great wave of relief washed over her as she saw Seven in her usual pose, standing in front of the screens, working. Then her eyes flitted up to the information on the screens…

“Kathryn!” Seven greeted her and Kathryn could see a slight blush creep up in her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, I… forgot the time.”

Seven turned around again and feverishly started closing down the screens. Starting with the one with her own medical file.

“What have you been up to?” Kathryn asked her, cautiously walking towards her. When she stood next to her, her eyes quickly scanned Seven’s face. Looking for any sign that Seven was in distress, sick or that something else was wrong. 

“Just a little research. I’m sorry I got distracted.” Seven said closing down the last screen. 

“Is something wrong?” Kathryn asked her but Seven still wouldn’t look at her. “Why were you looking at you medical file?”

The blush on her cheeks deepened and Seven’s blue eyes flitted up to Kathryn’s face but then quickly moved away again. “Nothing is wrong, I was just checking something.”

Kathryn reached out her hand and placed it on Seven’s arm, gentle but firm, to get her to look at her properly this time. When she did, Kathryn started searching her eyes. There was no panic in them, nothing like the day before.

“I’m fine, Kathryn. Really.” Seven said and there was even a small chuckle in her voice. “Don’t worry.”

She then leaned down and kissed her. A small part of her mind told Kathryn that Seven must know that this was the perfect way to distract her but when Seven’s fingers tangled themselves in her hair she lost that train of thought.

When Seven pulled back, there was even a very mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

“What? Kiss me?” Kathryn sounded confused. Her headache was gone now but she was feeling a little dizzy. 

“Yes, but here specifically. I had never kissed you in the Astrometrics Lab before.” Seven smiled at her. 

“If you had told me that that was something you wanted to do…” Kathryn’s voice trailed off suggestively. Not entirely sure what she wanted to say herself and now she was the one who was blushing. 

Seven laughed at her tone and confused look. Another clear sign that she was really doing well. The sound surprised Kathryn but it was also enough to banish any worries from her mind. Seven was fine, she looked… happy even. She had just forgotten the time.

“Now, let’s get something to eat.” Seven said as she took her arm. “I’m starving.”

_Why didn’t I tell her?_ Seven asked herself as they walked towards the Mess Hall and Kathryn told her about the senior staff meeting. 

She didn’t understand why she had acted like that in the lab. When she had seen Kathryn standing there in the doorway, all she had wanted to do was close down all the files as quickly as possible. As if she was hiding something. 

There was no logical reason not to tell Kathryn. Except maybe that she had been spending time she was supposed to be on duty on personal research. But that was something she maybe didn’t want to tell the Captain. She still should have told her _girlfriend_ what she was trying to find.

As they entered the Mess Hall, the smell of food wafted over them and Seven could feel her stomach growling. Maybe it had been a mistake to skip lunch. 

“Good to see you again, Seven.” Neelix smiled at her and then quickly gave them both a huge platter of food.

As they sat down, she watched Kathryn for a while as she dug into the food, clearly hungry herself. 

Seven couldn’t start eating just yet, she still needed to make peace with the fact that she had not told Kathryn about her research. She decided she would tell her eventually. When there was something to tell. It would be a nice surprise for Kathryn, like a gift. Finally putting her feelings of guilt aside, she started eating herself.

“How were Tom and Harry this morning?” Seven asked Kathryn when they had both slowed down a little. 

Kathryn put down her fork and looked at her with a strange expression on her face, as if she was considering how best to answer her question. “Remorseful.”

Seven’s eyebrows raised at the use of that strong word. “That is… good I guess. You didn’t scare them too much did you?”

“No more than needed.” Kathryn told her with a wink, while taking another bite. “They asked how you were doing.”

“I’m fine.” Seven sighed. She wondered how long it would take for people to accept that answer. “I wish everyone would just forget what happened yesterday.”

“We won’t.” Kathryn said while pointing at her with her fork. “The others agree with me that we should take your reaction and everyone else’s into account when we come up with their punishment.”

“You won’t really demote them, will you?” Seven pleaded. The thought of the two young men being demoted over this prank, made her feel a little nauseous. Especially if her reaction was the main reason for it. 

“I can’t promise that.” Kathryn answered but she seemed to pick up on Seven’s change of mood. “They _did_ break quite a few Starfleet regulations.”

“I just don’t want my panic attack to be the reason for their demotion.” Seven said as she stared down at her plate. 

Then she felt Kathryn’s hand on her own, the warmth of it immediately soothing her. “It won’t be. It is just one of many factors that we will have to take into account tomorrow.”

Seven looked up again and was silent for a moment, thinking. “Can I plead for leniency in their stead? Will you take that into account as well.” 

“I will.” Kathryn told her in a soft voice as she squeezed her hand. “I still think you are being too kind and that you should have more reason than anyone to be angry with them… But I will.”

Feeling a little relieved, Seven then finished the food on her plate while Neelix came over to talk to the Captain about his new idea of recycling the Halloween decorations for a Thanksgiving party. 

“To be honest, Neelix. I think we should reconsider the idea of celebrating Earth holidays for a while.” Kathryn told him after he had made a rather convincing case on how to reconfigure the vampires into turkeys. 

“But what could go wrong with Thanksgiving?” Neelix asked her.

“Believe me, people have been asking that question for generations. When people come together to celebrate a holiday, there is always something that can go wrong.” Kathryn told him. “But I will think about it.”

Seven watched as Neelix walked away and knew he would not let it go. “I quite like the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving.”

“Since when are you in favor of parties?” Kathryn asked her while leaning back in her chair with a surprised look on her face. 

“Don’t worry, I am not.” Seven chuckled. “But giving thanks… that at least seems to be a good reason to celebrate.” 

Kathryn leaned back over the table and took both of her hands in her own this time. For a moment, Seven almost forgot that they were in a public space where she should still address Kathryn as the Captain and where they normally avoided any physical contact. She knew other crew members would look at them but the fact that Kathryn had forgotten this too was very exciting and all she could do was return her gaze and drown in the gray of her eyes.

When they left the Mess Hall, Seven was faced with another decision. Regeneration. She knew it wasn’t really a choice. She knew she could not afford another night of sleeping with Kathryn, no matter how much she wanted to. It had been almost a week since she last completed a cycle and what a week it had been. 

So they said goodnight in the corridor. Kathryn offered to walk her to the Cargo Bay but Seven told her for the last time that she was fine.

Entering the Cargo Bay, she felt the same feelings of cold dread from before wash over her and the alcoves looked as uninviting as ever. She quickly told herself that it was still a little early after all… she did not need to start her cycle right away.

After changing into a fresh biosuit, she went to the console to remind herself where she and B’Elanna had left off in Engineering the day before. Kathryn had told her that Lieutenant Torres would not join them for the second part of the senior staff meeting tomorrow as she did not want to be a part of the sentencing process. This meant that they could probably continue their work on adapting the engines to the Darursai schematics and Seven wanted to be sure that she was prepared.

Seeing the now somewhat familiar Darursai tables, Seven couldn’t help but switch back to her personal research after a while. She quickly told herself that the sooner she found something useful the sooner this strange sense of guilt for not telling Kathryn would be gone.

Ignoring the flashing green light of her alcoves she returned to the files she had been studying before Kathryn had walked in on her. 

A few hours later she had not made much progress and the information started to almost dance before her eyes. She had to face the fact that she was too tired to continue. With a sigh of frustration she closed the files again and then stepped onto the platform and into her alcove while trying to keep her mind clear of any disturbing thoughts.

“Regeneration cycle incomplete.” The Computer’s voice reminded her as she stepped out of her alcove again after only one hour. Her mind did not want to be shut down. If it wasn’t filled with the voice of the Collective haunting her, it tried to continue the research while her body was trying to regenerate. 

She was stuck. She couldn’t regenerate because she wanted to continue the research and she couldn’t continue the research because she needed to regenerate. Frustrated she paced back and forth for a while. 

Then she suddenly realized what she could do. Out of habit she checked the Computer for the time but then realized that she didn’t need to. The Doctor would be awake no matter what time it was. 

“Seven.” The Doctor greeted her when she entered Sick Bay. “Are you alright? Are you having trouble regenerating?”

“Yes… I mean no, that’s not why I am here.” Seven quickly corrected herself. “I wanted to ask if you had time to look at the information I told you about.”

The Doctor sighed but did open the files and she could see that he had in fact studied them just as she had. “I have, Seven. But I have to tell you that I stand by my previous position.”

He turned around to face her again and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think there is anything in here that can help us extract any more of your implants. The information is just not compatible with the specific needs of your body. To extract more implants, we would have to find another way to support your vital functions. The Darursai… they don’t hold the answer to that.”

“But how can you be sure?” Seven felt the first prickles of disappointment start in her body and she desperately clung to the feelings of hope she had felt the rest of the day.

“I am not sure yet but I have studied their research on organ transplantation. I think that is the closest process compared to the extraction of your implants. There was nothing there that we can use.” The Doctor explained. “Now of course we could keep looking through the rest of the database but I have to tell you that it is very unlikely that we will find the information you are looking for in the other segments.” 

Seven had to look away from his caring eyes and stared at the screens for a while. Her mind knew he was right but her heart wasn’t ready to let go. Somehow this had seemed to be the answer to all of her problems. If she could just find a way to get rid of her implants… she would no longer be Borg in any way.

After giving her some time, the Doctor broke the uncomfortable silence. “Maybe we should talk some more about the underlying feelings that you have about your implants. If we could just work on the acceptance then I am sure that…”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Seven interrupted him. “Thank you for trying but I can see now that it was foolish to think that this could work. I’ll leave you to your other work.”

She tried to turn around to leave but the Doctor stopped her. “Seven I really think we should talk about this. Or maybe you can talk to the Captain if that would make you feel more comfortable. I am not a counselor after all.”

“I will.” She said quickly and then wrest herself away from him before he could see the tears welling up in her eyes.

She hated feeling like this and she scolded herself as she walked through the corridors back to the Cargo Bay. How could she have allowed herself to get so emotional these past few days? Was this all a result of the surgery she had had? Had the vacation with Kathryn made her more vulnerable, maybe even weak? 

A strange sense of relief went through her as the doors of the Cargo Bay closed behind her again. At least she would be alone now to process this. She walked over to the platform to sit down on the edge. Putting her face in her hands she allowed the emotions of disappointment and desperation to wash over her. 

This was stupid. She was stronger than this. She had to be stronger than this. More importantly, Kathryn could not find out about this. In the morning she would go back to the Doctor and tell him that she was fine. That she didn’t need to talk to anyone. 

Filled with anger at herself, she stood up to go back to her console. She was rapidly closing down all of her files again, this time for good, when her eyes landed on a small piece of information. It was so fitting to her situation that for a moment she thought that the Doctor must have put it there for her to find. 

_“If the cause of the illness cannot be treated, often the patient has no other choice but to accept the consequences. The best way forward is to help them accept the new reality. However, sometimes the treatment of the symptoms, without taking away the cause, can ease the pain and suffering to such a degree that it is worthy of the effort.”_

The treatment of the symptoms… if her implants could not be removed, maybe she could still free herself from the consequences. She looked around at the alcoves and then down at her biosuit. The Doctor was probably right about her inability to accept her situation but she simply wasn’t ready to give up. Not just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you have the time, please let me know what you think of this story or the overall series.


	7. Ventilation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I received a request to continue my short story 'One Borg', I am now writing two stories at the same time with very different versions of Seven especially. But I think it works and I am happy that I could still post a chapter of this story today. Hope you'll like it!

Kathryn knew she should pay closer attention to what the others were saying but her mind was still stuck in the Mess Hall. 

She had had breakfast with Seven again but this time in public. Seven had looked tired and very distracted. She had been quiet and had been playing with her food instead of eating it. No matter how Kathryn asked her, she always came back to telling her that she was fine. 

Perhaps she was? Maybe it was her, Kathryn, who was overreacting. This week had been a rollercoaster of emotions for Seven. She might just be overwhelmed and extra tired because her regeneration did not go well. 

At this very moment Seven was back in Engineering, working with Lieutenant Torres. At least she wasn’t alone. Kathryn knew B’Elanna was a good fit for Seven in many ways. They were both workaholics but B’Elanna was also very honest and down to earth. If something was going on with Seven or if she had another panic attack, Kathryn knew she would be in good hands with the Chief Engineer. 

Telling herself that there was nothing she could do now, that it was useless to keep wondering whether something was wrong with her girlfriend, Kathryn shook herself and actively focused all of her attention on the meeting. 

“Personally, I think keeping people locked up in the Brig is never a good solution.” The Doctor said. “Unless they are a danger to others or themselves but that is not the case here.”

“Perhaps not.” Tuvok conceded. “Although their disturbing attempts at humor could be described as dangerous.”

“That is something we could address to them though.” Chakotay weighed in. “I’m with the Doctor on this one. Keeping two officers locked up in the Brig doesn’t help the ship either. I am sure we could find them a punishment that is both effective and useful.”

Every time someone spoke up, their eyes drifted over to the Captain. In the end it would be her decision after all. They could advise her but she was the one to pass all sentences. 

“I think we can all agree that keeping them in the Brig is not really an option.” Kathryn agreed with them. “I should also tell you that Seven actually pleaded for leniency on their behave.”

And then her mind was back on Seven… before she could drift off any further she studied the other’s reactions to Seven’s plea.

“That is very kind of her.” Neelix said. “I actually expected her to be more angry about all of this. Besides she wasn’t exactly raised to be lenient on anyone no matter the circumstances.”

“I was surprised as well but she seems to be more angry with herself because of her own reaction than with Paris and Kim.” Kathryn told him and saying it out loud, she suddenly realized it was true. Perhaps Seven was so distracted because of her anger at herself. Maybe that was why she was keeping her distance…

“Did she put forward any form of punishment that we could consider?” Tuvok’s question brought Kathryn back from her thoughts.

“She did not and to be honest I am having a hard time coming up with any ideas myself.” Kathryn told them.

“Well I certainly have some chores in Sick Bay that need to be done. But Mr. Paris always thought they should be taken care of by the Engineering department.” The Doctor offered. “Like cleaning the filters in the biobeds and the general cleaning of the larger equipment.”

“The lower positions of Engineering have always been slightly understaffed and those who do work full shifts there, could really use a break.” Chakotay said and there was already a certain gleam in his eyes.

Kathryn considered this. Wouldn’t it be a little childish to have two of her Bridge officers clean out ventilation shafts and filters all over the ship? Was that a serious enough punishment for what they had done? Then again... “I guess this punishment does fit their prank in a way.”

“I also have some chores they could do in the Mess Hall.” Neelix quickly jumped in.

Kathryn stayed silent for a while, thinking. The others didn't speak up either but just waited on her decision.

“Chakotay could you ask all the departments for grunt work that needs to be done and form a list? Then talk to Lieutenant Torres to see who in Engineering deserves a break and add their work to the list as well.” Kathryn ordered her First Officer who quickly nodded. “Tuvok, I would like you to oversee the progress of their work in between jobs. The heads of the different departments should monitor the two of them while they are actually working.”

She paused for a minute, contemplating the severity of the punishment but then she remembered Seven’s pleading blue eyes. 

“I won’t demote them.” Kathryn said. “It was just a prank after all not mutiny or any other form of betrayal. We are a starship of Starfleet but our circumstances are different here in the Delta Quadrant.”

She looked up to see how the others felt about this. No one spoke but they all nodded at her, even Tuvok after a while. She turned to him next. “Before they start their first job, I would like for you to give them another talk about regulations and security. Treat them like Cadets if you have to.”

“Yes, Captain.” Tuvok said and Kathryn could almost see her friend draft up a lesson plan in his head. 

“Good.” Kathryn said as she stood up. “Then I guess we can leave this whole Halloween business behind us.”

“That reminds me, Captain.” Neelix said while the others were getting up to leave the Briefing Room. “Have you given my idea of a Thanksgiving party any more thought.”

“Not yet, Neelix.” Kathryn placed her hand on his shoulder. “But I will.”

Then she quickly walked past him, joining Tuvok to bring the news to the Brig herself.

Seven was happy to be back in Engineering. She wanted to continue her research but for now it was nice to leave her failed attempt at using the Darursai technology to extract her implants behind her and just focus on what their knowledge could mean for their engines. 

She was still a bit distracted but so was B’Elanna. The Chief Engineer wouldn’t admit it but Seven knew she must be anxious to hear what kind of sentence awaited her husband. 

When the Lieutenant looked up from their work with a sigh again, Seven thought it would be a good idea to address the issue after all.

“I asked the Captain to be lenient in deciding the punishment for Tom and Harry.” She said and B’Elanna looked at her in surprise. 

“That is very kind of you, Seven.” B’Elanna finally said.

“You sound surprised.” Seven noted and she quickly looked back down at their screens not wanting the Lieutenant to see what that surprise meant to her.

“No… I mean yes.” B’Elanna quickly said, noticing the chance in Seven’s posture. “It is just... You have the most reason to be angry about the prank and I always thought… well that you were in favor of hard discipline.”

This caused Seven to look back up. Was that really how she came across? Did people really think she wanted Tom and Harry to spend the rest of their journey in the Brig? 

She did not know what to say and after searching B’Elanna’s eyes for a moment she turned away, pretending to get an instrument from another station.

“I’m sorry if I offended you.” B’Elanna did not let go so easily. “I did not mean to.”

Seven did not turn back around. She was trying to find the right words to dismiss B’Elanna’s worries but then she felt her hand on her shoulder. The touch did make her turn around again.

“I’m sorry, Seven. It was very nice of you to ask the Captain to take it easy on Tom and Harry. Even though they do deserve to be punished for what they put us all through.” B’Elanna said, looking Seven straight in the eyes. “Sometimes… sometimes I forget how far you have come. How much you have grown. I guess I was surprised because... maybe you have come a lot further than I ever have when it comes to forgiveness and letting things go.”

Seven frowned but could see a glint in B’Elanna’s dark eyes. Apparently the last part of her apology was meant as a joke but Seven could not help but wonder if there wasn't some truth to it as well. 

She quickly nodded at the Chief Engineer who was still studying her reaction closely. After giving her a small smile they returned back to work but Seven was even more distracted now. Had she grown? Was the pity she felt towards Tom and Harry a direct result of her reclaiming her humanity? 

She had been so preoccupied lately with the remaining Borg technology in her body and trying to become less Borg, that she might have overlooked the fact of how human she had already become. 

Listening back to her personal logs had been a strange experience because after hearing the voice of the Collective again, she remembered. She knew what she had been like as a Drone even though her mind still shied away from those memories as much as possible. She also knew what she had been like in those early days on Voyager. B’Elanna was right… in those days, she would have found it more than justified for Tom and Harry to remain in the Brig. 

Feeling a strange sense of pride rise up inside her, she quickly told herself that it wasn’t just her achievement. The Doctor had helped her a lot and others like B’Elanna and Chakotay had steered her in the right direction. Not always in a gentle way but all in their own unique way. 

And of course there was Kathryn… without her she never would have made it this far. 

Her hands continued to make the calculations necessary for the adjustment they were working on but her mind was now completely occupied by the memories of Kathryn teaching her about humanity in the studio of Da Vinci, Kathryn explaining moral dilemmas to her at nighttime in the Captain’s quarters. And then more recent memories of Kathryn teaching her about the joys of being human together…

“The Captain to Seven.” Kathryn’s voice echoed in her ears and for a moment Seven thought she had imagined it. That the voice had resurfaced from her memories but then she noticed that Kathryn had used her title to hail her. This wasn’t a personal hail. 

“Yes, Captain.” She quickly answered while she saw B’Elanna look up in surprise and perhaps a little eager to hear the Captain’s news. 

“Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim are being released from the Brig.” The Captain informed her and Seven saw B’Elanna’s eyebrows rise up. 

“That is good news.” Seven said, waiting for the explanation as to why Kathryn wanted to tell her and not B’Elanna first.

“Before they start their punishment, they would like to apologize to you. Are you ready to talk to them?” The Captain asked her and Seven could hear concern in her voice again.

“Of course. I am currently in Engineering or do you want me to come to you?” Seven asked her and B’Elanna’s gaze intensified after hearing that her husband might be coming their way. 

“We will come to you.” The Captain told her and then ended the transmission. 

Seven looked at Lieutenant Torres, not quite sure what to say. “Well… they are free.”

“Yes… Can’t wait to hear what their punishment will be though.” B’Elanna said as she turned back to their screens, feigning disinterest. 

Only a few moments later the doors to Main Engineering opened and Kathryn walked in, followed by Tom Paris and Harry Kim. Tuvok walked behind them as if to make sure they did not make a run for it. 

Seven swallowed as she felt her mouth run dry. Everyone working in Engineering had looked up and were now following the group with their eyes as they made their way to her. 

She suddenly felt incredibly nervous, she shot Torres another look, expecting her to want to reunite with her husband first but the Chief Engineer had not turned around. Tom Paris looked eagerly at his wife but his shoulders dropped a few inches as he read her body language.

Kathryn shot Seven a reassuring look and gave her a smile before standing next to her to face Tom and Harry. Seven returned the smile and relaxed a little, feeling better with Kathryn standing so close. 

Then she looked more closely at the two men in front of them and she could see the turmoil in their eyes, causing her pity to flare up again.

“Seven…” Harry started out, sounding unsure of where to begin. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Ensign.” Seven simply answered as she had done so many times in the past few days. “How are you?”

From the corner of her eye she could see Kathryn raise her hand to her eyes for a moment. Apparently this was not how the apology was supposed to go. 

“We are fine.” Harry quickly answered her question. “We just want to say how very, very sorry we are.”

“Yes, Seven. We really feel terrible.” Tom chimed in. “It was such a stupid prank and we… we never fully realized what we were doing. But we do now!” He quickly looked back at Tuvok who stood a few steps behind them, observing their exchange.

“Anyway, Seven. We would really like to make it up to you and we hope… we hope that you can forgive us.” Harry’s voice turned soft and Seven was a bit confused at all the emotions she could read in his eyes.

“Of course.” She quickly told them both. “It was just a prank.”

“A very stupid and immature prank.” B’Elanna’s loud voice made Seven jump a bit. She watched as B’Elanna turned around and then pinned her husband with a rather fierce look. 

“B’Elanna…” Tom started but then he did not know what else to say. He quickly looked to the Captain for support. 

Seven did as well and saw that Kathryn was trying very hard to keep her face straight. Her gray eyes avoided Tom though and were instead locked onto Seven. “Seven do you feel like this apology was adequate?”

“It was.” Seven said and then she turned back to the two men. “Thank you.”

“We really will make it up to you somehow, Seven.” Harry said again.

“That’s okay, Ensign. I am fine.” Seven repeated. 

Were all apologies this uncomfortable? Or was it just because of the rising tension between Tom and B’Elanna. Seven looked back at Kathryn, pleading her with her eyes to help out.

“Good.” Kathryn said with a smile, breaking some of the tension. “Will you join me for lunch?”

“Yes, thank you.” Seven smiled back at her and then turned to ask the Chief Engineer for leave but quickly decided against it. 

It looked like B’Elanna was waiting for them to leave before she would explode. Tom looked positively terrified. 

“Tuvok, I leave these two in your capable hands.” Kathryn ordered her Security Officer. “But maybe you should give Mr. and Mrs. Paris some time to reunite first.”

She then took Seven’s hand, which surprised Seven a little as they were still standing in the middle of the Engineering Department. Kathryn did not seem to mind though as she pulled Seven along to the doors. Before they could step through them, however, a storm of words in both English and Klingon rose up behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am beginning to develop a soft spot for Tom and B'Elanna. Maybe I will write a story about them one day. 
> 
> Let me know what you think by leaving kudos or, if you have the time, a comment. Any feedback is welcome.


	8. Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sorry this chapter took a bit longer than usual. I did go through all the other chapters again to take out as many mistakes as I could find and to keep the flow of the story in balance. 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter! The story takes a bit of a leap as a few days have passed since the last chapter.

Seven was relieved to notice that in the past few days almost everything had gone back to normal. People were still talking about the prank but at least they were no longer constantly asking her if she was doing alright. 

Tom and Harry could be found all over the ship, working on the chores from their list. Some crewmembers found this particularly enjoyable. Neelix and Icheb had taken it upon themselves to make jokes about the tricksters whenever they could and B’Elanna made sure that they were working hard whenever they were assigned to Engineering by Tuvok who followed them around like a guard. 

Another thing that had changed was Seven’s routine. If she wasn’t working in Engineering or Astrometrics, she was working on her own research in the Cargo Bay. She had found a very promising part of the Darusai database which contained information about treating skin abnormalities. Apparently a very common ailment on Revaik. 

If she could apply their techniques to her own skin, especially the skin surrounding her implants, she would not have to wear the biosuits anymore. She could look more like the others on the ship. The suits were after all a very clear sign that she was different. That she had been Borg. That her body was still Borg. 

When she had found the information, she had almost shared it with the Doctor but then decided against it. He would probably tell her again that she had to work on her acceptance instead of chasing after some wild dream of changing her own body. So she continued her research alone and mostly at night. 

She knew Kathryn had noticed that something was going on. Seven could see the concern growing in her eyes every day. Instead of pushing her to tell her what was going on, it only caused her to be more secretive. If Kathryn was already worried about her without really knowing what was going on, then surely sharing the secret with her before she had any good leads would only make things worse.

She took care to share as many meals as possible with her girlfriend, setting alarms to make sure she would not forget the time. She also spend some of her nights in Kathryn’s quarters. Sometimes she actually did sleep but most nights she was just lying awake, thinking.

On other nights she told Kathryn she had to regenerate and she really did try. But all of her stress and the distraction of her research was blocking her regeneration. She told herself it was only temporary. Once she had found a solution for her skin problem… Once she was one step closer to becoming more human, then she would rest and tell Kathryn. 

Kathryn was disappointed when Seven told her that she needed to regenerate once again. Somehow it seemed that Seven was spending more and more nights in the Cargo Bay but Kathryn seriously doubted whether she was actually regenerating. 

Seven looked exhausted and it was only getting worse. She still performed her duties as always and they ate together every day. Seven asked her questions about her day and told her about her work with B’Elanna and Icheb. But Kathryn could feel that something was different, maybe even wrong. 

Seven kept telling her that she was doing fine and Kathryn often started doubting herself. Maybe there was nothing wrong at all. Maybe she was just being overly protective after the prank. That would surely fade over time. 

But now they were back in her quarters and Seven had just told her that she going back to the Cargo Bay for the third night in a row. This caused Kathryn’s doubts to rise back up to the surface. And if she was being honest, she felt a little hurt too. 

“Are you sure you are doing alright?” Kathryn asked her again and almost immediately regretted it. 

Seven closed her eyes and heaved a big sigh. She must be getting tired of her asking the same question over and over again. “I’m fine, Kathryn.”

“It is just… you look very tired and you… I don’t know, it just feels like you are pulling away from me.” Kathryn’s voice ended in a whisper and she hated how emotional she was getting.

“I am not, I promise you.” Seven walked away from the door and back to her. She reached out her hands and Kathryn gratefully took them. “Everything is fine.”

Kathryn hesitated. Maybe she shouldn’t push for more but this was the perfect time to get to the bottom of this. Whatever this was. “What are you not telling me?”

Seven’s ocular implant quirked up but then she looked away from Kathryn’s eyes and stared at their entwined fingers. “Why are you asking me that?”

Answering a question with another question… Kathryn knew what that meant. “Because I am worried about you.”

“You don’t need to be worried about me.” Seven told her and then reached up a hand to stroke her cheek. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“It’s involuntary.” Kathryn said as she leaned into Seven’s touch. “Can you promise me that there is nothing wrong? Do you have doubts… about us?”

Seven’s hands both dropped to her side and Kathryn could briefly see a flicker of hurt flash across her face but then it was replaced with sadness. “Kathryn… no! Of course not.”

Kathryn felt tears well up in her own eyes and she closed them quickly in frustration. She felt Seven envelop her in a hug and leaned her forehead against Seven’s shoulder. “Then what is it? Are you having trouble regenerating?”

She felt Seven’s body tense up a little and then she pulled back from the hug. For a moment Kathryn thought she was just going to leave, tired of all her question but then she heaved another big sigh and took her hands back in her own. 

“I haven’t been able to complete a cycle since before our vacation.” Seven mumbled while not meeting her eyes. 

Kathryn felt sad for her but also a little relieved to finally know what was wrong and that it had nothing to do with their relationship. “Is it the prank? The memories that came back to you?”

“I don’t know.” Seven answered her, biting her lower lip. 

“Maybe the Doctor could help. Maybe he could give you something to help you regenerate?” Kathryn suggested but she saw Seven flinch at the mentioning of the Doctor. 

“It doesn’t really work that way. There are no drugs that can help me regenerate.” Seven was still staring down.

Kathryn reached out to lift up Seven’s chin so they could look in each other’s eyes again. The emotions she saw storming around in Seven’s blue ones and the dark circles beneath them made her heart ache with pity. A pity she shouldn’t show Seven because she knew how much she hated that. So she quickly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend again, trying to convey comfort to her by stroking her back. 

Seven was almost overwhelmed by what she was feeling. Guilt was the foremost emotion. This had been the perfect opportunity to tell Kathryn about her research. She did not want to worry her even more and she really wanted to have some solid results first before she shared it with her… but Kathryn had started to doubt her commitment to her. That was far worse than the worry she had imagined. 

Still, when Kathryn had asked her about her regeneration and she had admitted that she had trouble completing a cycle, which wasn’t a lie, the worry had seemed to disappear. At least she was not asking her any more question so maybe it was alright for now to not share everything just yet. She would figure this out on her own first and then she would tell her. 

Besides, the regeneration was really starting to become a problem. She could feel her body aching while Kathryn softy stroked her hands up and down her back. Every time her fingers made contact with the implant across her spine, Seven could feel small sparks of pain shoot through her. 

“Would it help if I stayed with you?” Kathryn asked her. 

Seven pulled back again to look at her face. “What do you mean?”

“Well I could stay with you in the Cargo Bay, while you regenerate.” Kathryn explained. “Would that help in any way?”

Seven was silent for a moment, thinking it over. She was aware of Kathryn’s presence whenever she watched her regenerate. It was soothing but she couldn’t ask her to spend the whole night in the Cargo Bay. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Why not?” Kathryn said with a determined look on her face. “I could set up a cot and sleep just as well in there as I would here.”

“I doubt you would sleep just as well in the cold, dark Cargo Bay as you would here.” Seven teased her. “Besides, I don’t want you to do that.”

She hoped Kathryn would understand. It was not that she did not want her girlfriend at her side. She wanted nothing more than that. But not like this. She liked sleeping together because that was what humans in a relationship were supposed to do. Kathryn should not sleep on a cot in a cold Cargo Bay next to a Borg alcove just because her girlfriend needed to regenerate. 

Kathryn did not seem insulted by her rejection but Seven could see that she was still thinking hard on a solution. “Maybe there are other techniques that we could use. You say that medication is not an option but what about other things that normally would help people sleep?”

“Like what?” Seven asked. “Drink a warm glass of milk?” 

“I was thinking more along the lines of sounds.” Kathryn continued. “Like white-noise. You told me that you retain some sort of awareness when you regenerate… maybe listening to soothing sounds could help.”

“Can you give me an example?” Seven asked her, intrigued.

“Some people just like a steady hum, like static. Other like the sound of birds or rain or waves or...” Kathryn started to list all kinds of sounds but Seven stopped her. 

“Rain.” She said with a smile on her face. “Like in the cabin.”

Kathryn smiled too, remembering their vacation and the changes she had made to the weather of the Holodeck program. “Exactly. Why don’t we give that a try?”

It could work… Seven really felt hopeful that it might work. If she could fool her senses into thinking she was actually asleep, in bed with Kathryn in the cabin they had shared… then perhaps she could feel peaceful enough to complete a cycle. 

Kathryn was practically beaming at her and started to pull her to the door, eager to try it out but Seven stopped her again. “What about the other senses? Are there tricks to fool them too?”

“I guess so.” Kathryn answered. “I have never used them myself but there are people who put out oils with their favorite fragrances to help them calm down and sleep better. Like lavender or vanilla.” 

Seven considered this for a moment and then let go of Kathryn’s hand to walk over to the replicator. “Coffee, black.”

She picked up the cup and turned back around to find Kathryn stare at her. “You know how much I love coffee, Seven, but most people believe it does not actually help you sleep.”

Seven laughed at that but then walked back, holding the cup close to her nose. “I am not going to drink it, just smell it.”

Kathryn smiled at her and Seven was now close enough to see the sparkle in her gray eyes. “I could argue that that was a waste of good coffee if it wasn’t so endearing.”

Moving the cup out of the way, Seven leaned down to kiss Kathryn. She could feel her body start to relax already. Not just because of the way Kathryn was kissing her back but telling her about her regeneration problems had been strangely comforting.

“Of course I could just stay here tonight after all.” Seven mumbled against Kathryn’s lips, unwilling to retreat back any further.

When she felt Kathryn lean in again to resume the kiss, she was sure that she would not leave the Captain’s quarters any time soon but then the kiss ended. Looking down she could see that the determined look was back on her girlfriend’s face. 

“You really need to regenerate and you already made your coffee.” Kathryn teased her. 

Seven sighed but then straightened up. “Okay, I’ll go.”

“I’ll walk with you and then we can find the perfect sound to help you regenerate.” Kathryn moved to the door, holding out her hand. Seven gratefully accepted it and then they walked into the corridor together.

As they entered the Cargo Bay, Kathryn was focused on Seven’s reactions. Her blue eyes briefly darted to the central console but then focused completely on the platform with the alcoves. 

Kathryn let go of her hand and watched as Seven stepped onto the platform and then set the cup of coffee down next to her usual alcove. 

“Do you happen to have a favorite track of rain sounds in your personal database?” Seven asked her with a genuinely curious look in her eyes.

“I don’t actually.” Kathryn admitted. “But I am sure the Computer can find us one.”

She moved closer to Seven and then addressed the Computer. “Play a continuous track of rain sounds.”

“Please, specify.” The Computer answered and Kathryn wondered how specific they had to get.

She looked at Seven but she only raised her shoulders as if to tell her that she did not know enough about the sound of rain to help the Computer make a choice.

“Rain in autumn, perhaps falling on a roof.” Kathryn told the Computer, hoping that that was clear enough.

She was happy to hear the small beep which meant that her request had been specific enough and then the sound of rain and wind filled the Cargo Bay.

It was a very surreal experience. Standing between crates of equipment, watching the green light of the alcoves flash across the room, glinting off all the metal but then the sound made it seem like they were somehow standing in their cabin in the forest again. 

On instinct she looked up as if to see if the roof wasn’t leaking. Smiling at herself she looked back at Seven and saw that her girlfriend had closed her eyes and was taking some slow deep breaths. Kathryn remained completely still, not wanting to disturb her.

Then Seven opened her eyes again. “This is really nice.”

Walking towards her, Kathryn quickly stepped on the platform as well. “I am glad you like it and I really hope it helps.”

Seven looked back at the alcove and a shadow crossed her face for a second. Then her signature stubborn look returned before she walked over to her alcove.

Kathryn moved to lean against its side. Careful not to knock over the cup of coffee on the floor, she watched Seven program her regeneration cycle. 

When she was done she still looked a little lost so Kathryn moved in even closer. Reaching up she pressed another kiss against her lips. “Sweet dreams, darling.”

“You too.” Seven smiled at her. “And thank you… for everything.”

“You are welcome.” Kathryn smiled back. “Remember you can tell me anything. You don’t have to go through any of this alone.”

Seven did not say anything but again her eyes darkened before she leaned back down for a final kiss. 

As Kathryn took a step back, she watched Seven do the same and the hum of the alcove told her that the regeneration cycle had started. 

She stayed there for a while. Watching Seven, smelling the coffee and listening to the rain. Then, feeling happy that she had helped her girlfriend, she softly walked back over to the doors to go back to her own quarters. She paused in the doorway, looking back one more time. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you also sleep with a white-noise machine! :) 
> 
> Let me know what you think if you have the time. Any feedback is welcome.


	9. Fragrant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still reading this series. I want to wish you all a very Happy Halloween tomorrow!

The rain sounds and the smell of coffee had worked like a charm and for the first time in over a week, Seven had been able to complete a full regeneration cycle. In the morning she had immediately gone to the Captain’s quarters to celebrate with Kathryn and to thank her again for her help. 

After that, almost everything went back to normal. Kathryn’s worries seemed to have disappeared. Seven still felt a bit guilty about not telling her about her other plans but she was getting excited to surprise Kathryn with the results. If she succeeded… If she didn’t, then at least Kathryn wouldn’t be disappointed. 

Because she was now well rested again, Seven could focus more. She took care to limit the time she spent on her experiment though, only allowing herself a few hours each night before regenerating. The other nights she spend with Kathryn and even though she itched to continue her work, she did manage to put it aside and just enjoy spending time with her girlfriend.

This patience was mostly due to the fact that she was finally making progress in creating a lotion that would replace her biosuits. 

The suits’ main function was to regenerate her skin, especially the rather sensitive skin around the implants that were meshed together with her flesh. The suits prevented the skin from getting irritated and dried out. A rather ingenious effect created by the Doctor and so far he had not been able to replicate it in any other way. Now with the help of the Darursai database, Seven had.

The Darursai had quite a few skin problems of their own. Especially the people living in the desert areas of Revaik. They used several different combinations of ingredients to hydrate their skin against the excessive heat and Seven was optimistic that she had found the right ingredients to match her own condition. 

After several days she had finalized her list of components for her lotion. Because most of the ingredients that were used by the Darursai, were native to Revaik, she had to improvise a little. However, some of them were now growing in Voyager’s Airponics garden. The others she had to engineer herself.

The finished list had made her hesitate again. She did not want to tell Kathryn yet but she wondered if she should ask the Doctor for help. Then again he had asked her to work on her acceptance and she in turn had told him that she would talk to Kathryn about it. Which she hadn’t done… So to prevent herself from getting another lecture she decided to continue on her own.

One night, after saying goodnight to Kathryn in her quarters she went back to the Mess Hall. Supposedly to continue her work. But she was really waiting for everyone to leave so she could raid the kitchen and use the replicator for the ingredients she needed.

Unfortunately Ensign Kim had been assigned to the Mess Hall that day and was still finishing up the chores Neelix had put on the list for the tricksters. 

After a few hours of actually trying to work, Neelix and Harry were still there and Seven was getting impatient. 

“Can I help you, Ensign?” Seven asked him as she walked over to the place where he was crouching to fix one of the burners.

“That is very kind of you Seven but I am supposed to finish this by myself.” Kim said to her with a sad expression on his face.

“Where is Mr. Paris?” Seven asked him, hoping that at least Tom would come over and help him. 

“He was assigned to Engineering.” Harry answered her. “Tuvok thought it best for us not to work on the same chores together anymore. He was afraid we were having too much fun.”

“That does not seem very efficient.” Seven frowned. 

“Feel free to tell him that the next time you see him.” Harry mumbled. 

Neelix walked over, having just finished cleaning his knives. “Don’t worry about them, Seven. They are just doing their job. What are you still doing here so late?”

“I um…” Seven tried to come up with a good excuse. “I wanted to finish some work here. The Cargo Bay isn’t a very cozy workplace.”

“Well I am happy to hear you like the Mess Hall so much.” Neelix smiled at her. “I have tried very hard to make it not just a place for people to eat but where they can feel at home as well. Of course, you are free to stay here as long as you want. Although I wouldn’t mind going to bed myself.”

He stifled a yawn and Seven glanced down to see Harry watching him carefully. “I wouldn’t mind that either, Neelix. Can’t I finish this in the morning?”

“Well… It isn’t really up to me to decide. I don’t want to interfere with Tuvok’s schedule.” Neelix said, clearly torn between his desire to go to bed and his respect for the Lieutenant Commander. 

“You are the head of this department so you are in charge of me while I work here.” Kim reminded him.

Neelix looked at Seven and she wondered if he was asking her for her opinion. She really didn’t want to get involved in the punishment of the two tricksters but she also wanted Neelix and Harry to leave the Mess Hall as soon as possible. So she just arched her ocular implant, indicated that she understood what the ensign was getting at.

“Very well.” Neelix said as he untied his apron. “Let’s continue this in the morning.”

Harry scrambled to his feet with a relieved smile on his face. He and Neelix both wished Seven a good night and then she finally had the Mess Hall to herself. 

To be safe, she waited a couple of minutes in case Neelix forgot something and came back. But when all remained quiet, she made her way over to the replicator. 

First she replicated a container which could hold the ingredients until she was ready to use them and then she requested some of the equipment she would need. Listening carefully for any approaching footsteps she quickly used her rations to replicate the items from her list that she had devised herself or were stored in the databases. 

Some of them were quite fragrant and she wanted to stop and smell them but there was no time. She had to hurry before someone would come in for a midnight snack. 

Placing the container on a table, she sneaked into the kitchen to get the final ingredients from the cupboards. She wanted to take enough so she could experiment in making the lotion but she did not want to take too much in case Neelix would notice his supplies missing. 

She took care to firmly close the lid of her container and then she turned off the lights before leaving the Mess Hall. The corridors were deserted and when the doors of the Cargo Bay closed behind her she heaved a sigh of relief. It felt strange sneaking around Voyager like this. She reminded herself that technically she wasn’t doing anything wrong but it still did not feel completely right either.

She stowed away the container in her personal bathroom and only then did she realize she had forgotten to replicate her cup of coffee. The rain sounds would just have to do tonight. After setting an alarm to make sure she would wake up in time for breakfast, she stepped into her alcove, trying to push the thoughts of her lotion to the back of her mind for now. 

Kathryn couldn’t help but stare at Seven over her breakfast. She looked so radiant this morning. As if the sun had walked in her quarters to eat breakfast with her. When Seven caught her staring at her, she smiled with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Seven asked her as she took another bite. 

“Nothing, really.” Kathryn replied. “I am just so happy that you are able to regenerate again, you look… better.”

“How did I look before?” Seven asked her playfully.

“Tired.” Kathryn answered her seriously. “Very tired and perhaps… a little sad.”

“Well I am fine now, thanks to you.” Seven said while pointing at Kathryn with her spoon. 

“So you are still enjoying the rain sounds?” Kathryn had almost asked the Computer to play the sound in her bedroom as well but then she realized she would miss Seven too much. Instead she had stuck to her regular routine and just slept in silence.

“I am.” Seven smiled at her.

“And the coffee?” Kathryn picked up her own cup, it was already her second cup of the day and she knew she should really get to the Bridge before she had her third.

“I actually forgot to replicate the coffee yesterday.” Seven said, suddenly looking down at her empty plate. 

“As long as you are still able to regenerate.” Kathryn wondered why Seven would not meet her eyes. Did she think she was insulted because she had forgotten to add the fragrance of coffee to her night’s routine?

“What are you going to do today?” Kathryn asked her to change the subject and she was relieved to see Seven look back up again.

“I am going back to Engineering again.” She said. “I really hope we can finish the adjustments to the warp core soon but Lieutenant Torres has been a little distracted lately.”

“Hmmm, I worry that she is taking this whole punishment of Paris and Kim harder than the two tricksters themselves.” Kathryn said as she put talking to her Chief Engineer on her to-do-list in her mind. 

“Harry told me that Tom was assigned to Engineering while he works in the Mess Hall with Neelix.” Seven said. “Wouldn’t it be better if they switched?”

“I’ll ask Tuvok about it but knowing B’Elanna she probably asked to supervise Tom.” Kathryn sighed as she put her empty cup down. 

It felt nice to talk through the ship business with Seven before she started her day but she really shouldn’t put it off any longer. The Captain couldn’t be late to the Bridge. She allowed herself to bask in the light of Seven’s goodbye kiss for a little longer than usual, enjoying the happiness her girlfriend radiated these days and then ordered herself to go.

As Seven approached Engineering she could already hear Lieutenant Torres’s voice through the doors. She couldn’t make out the words but the Chief Engineer was clearly unhappy with someone. 

Quickly she stepped through the doors, just in case she was the subject of B’Elanna’s anger but then she saw that it was poor Tom who was once again getting a full scolding from his wife.

“How could you mess this up?” She yelled at him while waving a piece of equipment in his face. 

“Come on, B’Elanna. You know this isn’t my strong suit.” Tom pleaded with her while casting an embarrassed look at the crewmembers listening in. 

“You will address me as Lieutenant while we are working.” B’Elanna’s tone dropped in volume but Seven knew from experience that that wasn’t necessarily a good sign. “Even though your strong suit is to make everyone uncomfortable with your juvenile attempts at humor, you should still be able to perform these easy tasks I set you.”

Seven did not know what to do. Should she just go to the station they usually worked at or should she wait for the fight between Mr. and Mrs. Paris to end? She had just decided to start their work when B’Elanna spotted her. 

“Ah, Seven. I am sorry, I didn’t see you come in.” She said while whiping a hand across her face.

“That’s alright, Lieutenant.” Seven made sure to use her title. “Shall I get started?”

“To be honest… I don’t think I will be able to continue working on our project today.” B’Elanna sighed. “Apparently some people can’t function without supervision.”

This last remark was thrown back into the direction of her husband but Seven was happy to see he stood his ground. He must be getting used to B’Elanna venting her anger at him. 

“Would you mind postponing our work for a few days until I am done looking after him.” B’Elanna asked her.

“Of course not.” Seven quickly agreed. “Do you need my assistance?”

“Thanks but I think I can manage.” B’Elanna said as she shoved the piece of equipment back into Tom’s arms. He almost dropped it in surprise but managed to save himself in the last second. 

“Alright…” Seven hesitated for a moment, meeting Tom’s pleading eyes. “I will just go then.”

It felt like she was abandoning Tom somehow but she really didn’t see any other option. She also had to admit she was quite happy to be excused from her work in Engineering for now. 

Instead of going to the Astrometrics Lab she almost ran back to the Cargo Bay. Her work in Astrometrics could wait, besides someone else was probably using the lab today anyway. 

The Cargo Bay, as always, was completely deserted and without giving her duties another thought, she took out the container with her equipment and the ingredients. 

Making the lotion wouldn’t take long after all. She had studied the process extensively and most of the ingredients were already ready to use. The sooner she finished with this, the sooner she would be able to focus on other things again.

Taking care to follow her recipe precisely she went to work. The first two batches turned out a little disappointing. The consistency of the lotion was just not right as it would need to be absorbed by her skin as quickly as possible. She played around with the ratios a little until she was finally satisfied. 

By then it was almost time for lunch and she quickly considered her options. She could try it out now and go to the Mess Hall to meet up with Kathryn. Or she could wait and try it later while she was alone. Even though she was eager to start using it, she opted for the last choice which seemed safer. If something went wrong with the lotion it would be best if no one was around to see it. 

Packing away all of the equipment, she took care to place the lotion in a cupboard in her bathroom. Before leaving for the Mess Hall, she made sure that all signs of her pharmacy adventure were erased. 

Walking through the corridors, she watched other crewmembers make their way to the Mess Hall and for the first time she paid extra attention to their clothing. Most were dressed in their uniforms but others were wearing casual clothing. Feeling hopeful she would soon be able to dress like them, she stepped into the Mess Hall with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, let me know what you think of this story. Any feedback is welcome. :)
> 
> POSSIBLE MINOR SPOILER FOR PICARD:  
> The first thing I noticed when Seven appeared back on my screen in Picard was that she was no longer wearing her biosuits. Now her clothing might still have some sort of regenerating effect but it looked like she did not need that anymore. That could of course be a natural thing, Seven's skin might have adapted over time. But I like to think she came up with a solution. :) That is how this idea took shape in my head.


	10. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy November everyone! I hope you all had a nice Halloween and that your pranks did not get you thrown into the Brig. ;)

“You are in a very good mood.” Kathryn noted while watching Seven eat the dinner she had made for the both of them. 

“I am.” Seven smiled back at her.

“Is there a particular reason why?” Kathryn asked her.

“I don’t know… I like eating dinner with you. Alone.” Seven said with a twinkle in her eyes. “Plus, we both have the day off tomorrow and I am looking forward to spending more time with you.” 

Kathryn studied her for a moment. She was happy of course that Seven was happy and she hoped that her help with her regeneration had something to do with it. But she still felt like she was missing something. Maybe Seven had gone to the Doctor after all, for help with her feelings about the prank... 

She quickly ended that thought. Just because Seven was happy did not mean that she was on drugs or something like that. _When did I become such a control freak?_ Kathryn thought to herself as she frowned at her own plate. Why couldn’t she just accept her girlfriend’s moods without looking for some reason behind them?

“Is something wrong?” Seven’s voice brought Kathryn back to the present and as she looked up, she saw that the happy expression was gone from Seven’s face. Great, she had spoiled the mood.

“No, sorry. I was just thinking.” Kathryn smiled at Seven, hoping to convey that everything was fine. 

“About what?” Seven pressed her. 

“It’s silly. Don’t worry about it.” Kathryn quickly told her and then got up to put their plates back in the replicator. 

“Okay.” Seven said hesitantly as she watched her move across the room. “Is it still alright for me to stay here tonight?”

That certainly helped get Kathryn’s mood back to happy. She quickly walked back to Seven and pulled her up from her chair. “Of course! More than okay.”

Seven smiled down at her and Kathryn was momentarily blinded by the sparkles in her blue eyes. Before she could come back to herself, Seven’s lips were on her own and she sank into the kiss. Perhaps Seven did have some special plans for tonight after all? Then all thought left her as Seven easily picked her up and walked them to the bedroom. 

Seven listened to Kathryn’s heartbeat calming down with a smile on her face. They had spend the entire evening in bed together and she knew Kathryn would soon fall asleep. Seven wanted to follow her example but this was the moment she had been waiting for. 

She gently pulled back the covers and got out of the bed. Kathryn’s sleepy eyes flew open as she sensed her leave. “Where are you going?”

“I just need a human minute.” Seven whispered and leaned back over the bed to place a kiss on Kathryn’s nose. 

Thankfully Kathryn seemed to accept her answer and Seven watched as she closed her eyes again. Then she quietly made her way to the bathroom and quickly pulled out the tube of lotion she had hidden in one of the cupboards before cooking dinner. 

Over the past few days Seven had started using the lotion, with success. At first she had tried small amounts on the skin surrounding the implant on her upper right arm. Then she had carefully increased the dosage until she had felt the first results. 

Before, whenever she had pulled on her biosuit, the overall feeling was like putting on a second skin. A firm layer that immediately soothed her skin and eased any discomfort she had had without the suit.

But after she had started using the lotion, the contact between the suit and her treated skin had felt different. It was no longer a relief to feel the fabric there. It felt… redundant.

She had considered this a positive effect and she had quickly started using the lotion on other parts of her body. Then one night she had put the lotion all over her body before regenerating. She had replicated a biosuit without sleeves to be able to compare the effect of the lotion on her skin with and without the possible help of the suit. 

It had been the first time that she had used the lotion in such large quantities and she had been a little nervous. Which had made regenerating more difficult but thanks to the rain sounds and the smell of the coffee she had remembered to replicate, she did manage.

When her cycle had ended, she had run back to her bathroom and quickly took her suit off to look at her skin. There had been no visible difference between the treated skin of her arms and the rest of her body. It all looked normal, healthier even and she could not help but smile at herself in the mirror. 

The rest of the day, she had felt different. The material of the biosuit had almost felt alien to her and she kept noticing the casual clothing of the other members of the crew while trying to imagine what clothes she would like to wear. But fantasy still wasn't her strong suit.

Then she had to consider what the next step would be. She really wanted to share her success with Kathryn first so when the Captain had told her about her day off, she had felt like that was the perfect opportunity to do so. She had quickly asked Commander Chakotay to be relieved from duty that same day and he had granted her request with a knowing smile. 

Now, Seven was back in a bathroom, staring at her own reflection as she took care to apply the lotion to her whole body again. It felt nice, almost the same as putting on a fresh suit but a lot more liberating. This was the first time she would use the lotion while sleeping and without her suit. She felt almost normal... human.

She quickly put the tube back in the cupboard and then exited the bathroom. She stared at Kathryn for a moment. Her girlfriend was curled up underneath the white blankets and Seven’s heart skipped a beat watching her hair fanned out over the cushion. 

Her body almost moved on it’s own accord, walking back to her side of the bed and snuggling in close to her girlfriend. Butterflies of excitement for tomorrow were flying around her stomach and she wondered if she would be able to sleep tonight. 

Kathryn did not seem to have any problems falling asleep though and Seven knew from the sound of her breathing that she was almost there. 

“Hmmm, you smell nice.” Kathryn mumbled against the skin of her shoulder and Seven grinned. Perhaps the lotion had more than one positive effect. 

Hugging Kathryn close, feeling incredibly at peace, Seven closed her eyes and allowed that peace to take over completely.

Kathryn woke up with a start but she did not immediately understand why. She opened her eyes but could not see much as the lights were still dimmed. This meant that it wasn’t time to wake up yet as the lights were programmed to slowly increase in intensity in the morning, even on her days off.

She listened to the sounds surrounding her for a moment but could not find any reason as to why she had woken up. Her mind was slowly trying to drag her back to sleep when she heard it… A whimper and it came from the sleeping woman next to her. 

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Kathryn lifted her head to look at Seven but she could not make out the expression on her face in the dark. Judging by the sounds of her breathing she was still asleep so perhaps she was having a nightmare? 

She reached out her hand and found Seven’s right hand. It felt warm, maybe warmer than usual. She gave it a small squeeze, hoping that her sleeping girlfriend would notice her presence and be at peace again. 

Stroking her hand up and down she slowly made her way over Seven’s soft skin, tracing circles here and there and then creeping upwards. Even though she was trying to comfort Seven, Kathryn couldn’t deny that the feeling of Seven’s skin on her own did help her feel more at peace as well. Easing her back to sleep.

Then she reached the area of the implant on Seven’s bicep and her hands encountered… something wet.

It took a while before her brain fully registered this. Then she pulled back her hand to feel the liquid between her own fingers but she still did not understand what was going on. Was she still dreaming?

“Lights.” She mumbled and the lights slowly turned on, on the lowest intensity level. Still she had to blink for a bit before she could focus and then she looked at her fingers. 

With a jolt she sat upright and then looked at Seven and gasped. There was blood everywhere. 

“Seven!” She panted as her hands flew back to Seven’s shoulders and shook her gently but firmly.

Seven did not open her eyes. Her face was flushed and there was blood trickling down from her ocular implant. 

“Seven! Wake up!” Kathryn said louder this time, shaking her harder in her own panic.

A small whimper was all the answer she received and suddenly she realized that she might be hurting Seven. She quickly pulled back the blankets all the way and saw to her horror that all of Seven’s implants seemed to be bleeding. 

Through her panicked breathing, something finally clicked. “Computer…”

Then she stopped, jumped out of bed and pulled two of her robes from the hooks near her bathroom door. She pulled one of them on and then placed the other one over her girlfriend with trembling hands. “Computer, medical emergency… two to transport to Sick Bay.”

“Captain?” The Doctor’s voice sounded more surprised than concerned but then he looked down at Seven and noticed the blood on her face. “What happened?”

“I… I don’t know.” Kathryn choked out, unable to speak clearly. “Her implants…”

He looked back up at her and she could see that he was deeply disturbed by her reaction. Then he gently pulled back the robe that was covering Seven and saw the blood. After a split second of shock, his programming kicked in and he picked Seven up. 

As he walked to the nearest biobed, the robe that had covered Seven fluttered to the ground. Kathryn ignored it as she stumbled after the Doctor. Her hands clutched at the edge of the biobed so she would remain standing, her knuckles turning white.

“I don’t know what happened.” She tried to explain. “I woke up… and then there was blood everywhere.”

“Maybe you should sit down.” The Doctor briefly glanced up at her and then nodded at a nearby chair. He was already scanning Seven’s body while he adjusted the settings of the biobed. 

Kathryn hesitated for a moment but she knew he was right. She carefully took the few steps to the chair and collapsed in it. She was shaking all over now and when she reached up her hands to wipe them over her face, she noticed the blood that was still on her fingers. Seven’s blood…

She choked back a sob and tried to concentrate on her breathing as she watched the Doctor work on Seven with incredible speed and efficiency. 

She did not know what he was doing and she did not ask because she did not want to disturb him. Instead she just started wringing her own hands together. Trusting the Doctor but at the same time barely able to control her panic.

Eventually the Doctor’s movements slowed down and he started to wipe the blood away from Seven’s skin. The bleeding must have stopped. 

Finally he covered her body with a blanket, adjusted some more settings and then walked over to Kathryn. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, not trusting her voice to speak. 

“She is alright now.” The Doctor said in a very calm voice while he pulled up a stool so he could talk to her face to face. “I don’t know exactly what happened yet but the closest comparison would be a severe allergic reaction.”

“Allergic reaction?” The surprise forced Kathryn to speak again. The idea of Seven being allergic to anything seemed absurd. She had been able to withstand high levels of radiation, how could she possibly be allergic to anything?

“Her immune system is different from a normal human’s of course so the comparison might be a bit crude.” The Doctor conceded. “But it seems like something entered her bloodstream that caused her nanoprobes to go… well berserk. From what I can tell… it looked like they were trying to reject her skin.”

Kathryn had to take some deep breaths, afraid that she might throw up otherwise. The Doctor did not seem to notice as he looked down at his tricorder again. “Can you think of anything that might have caused this to happen?”

“No… I really can’t.” Kathryn racked her brain, trying to figure it out. “We have been together since our shifts ended. Seven cooked dinner for us… maybe there was something in the food?”

“Perhaps.” The Doctor said, thinking along with her. “Although, no offense, I can hardly believe that anything in the food would cause such a reaction in her and nothing in you. Did you eat everything she did?”

“Yes, I think so…” Kathryn tried to think back on the previous evening but everything was clouded over with panic now.

“Besides the food… did Seven ingest anything else?” The Doctor asked her but she quickly shook her head. “Were you together the whole time?”

“We were.” Kathryn told him again. With a slight blush she tried to remember the rest of the activities of the evening but they hadn’t done anything… unusual in bed either.

“If not food or drink, what about soap or shampoo?” The Doctor continued. “Do you know if Seven used anything different?”

Kathryn shook her head. Seven only used what was in her own bathroom. Then she remembered. Her bathroom… Seven had gone in there just before they had fallen asleep. Kathryn had been very sleepy by then but she had noticed, mostly because it was so out of character. 

“She did go into the bathroom before we went to sleep and when she came out… she… smelled nice.” Her blush deepened this time. 

The Doctor only raised his eyebrows for a moment but remained professional. “Maybe that is it. Could you go back to your bathroom to see if you can find anything unusual there?”

She quickly nodded at him and slowly stood up. Then she looked back at Seven, hesitating. 

“Don’t worry, she is fast asleep for now. She really is fine, her nanoprobes have calmed down.” The Doctor told her softly. “We could of course wait for her to wake up and ask her herself what happened.”

“No, I will have a look. I want to change into something a little more… appropriate anyway.” Kathryn told him, trying to bring some authority back into her voice.

“Very well.” The Doctor nodded at her. “It will be good to know what substance we are dealing with as soon as possible. Just in case there are any more side effects. I will dress her again while you are gone, her skin could use the help of her biosuit after all of this.”

This time Kathryn nodded at him and then she turned to walk to the door. She stopped and looked down at herself. She could not walk through the corridors of Voyager dressed in only a dressing gown. Besides… she still had Seven’s blood on her hands. 

Using her Captain’s authorization she quickly transported herself back to her quarters. Without stopping to think, she walked to the bathroom and only when she saw her reflection in the mirror, did she allow the tears to come. 

They were tears of relief and of shock, she knew that. Seven was fine and safe back in Sick Bay. Her own body was just recovering from the shock of the situation. 

She quickly turned on the tap and started washing her hands. She scrubbed them rather hard and used a lot more soap than was really necessary. Then she splashed some water on her face and took some deep breaths. 

After giving herself a stern look in the mirror, she turned around and started her investigation. What had Seven been doing in here? 

On instinct she opened the cupboard next to the mirror and scanned the shelves. There, in between her own products, she saw a tube she did not recognize. Gingerly she picked it up and turned it around in her hands. There was no label or anything else on it that indicated what it was. 

She opened the cap, careful not to let whatever was in there touch her own skin. It looked completely normal though. Then she brought the tube up to her nose and sniffed. She recognized the smell immediately even though she could not put a name to it. This was what Seven had smelled like when she had climbed back in bed with her.

Feeling the first signs of irritation at Seven’s secrecy rise up inside of her, she closed the cap again and went in search for some clothes. She was ready to get back to Sick Bay. To get some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking forward to finish writing this particular chapter for a long time. Please, if you have the time, let me know what you think!


	11. Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and a special thank you, once again, to those of you leaving kudos and comments. Feedback is always welcome. :)

Seven blinked a couple of times, trying to remember what had happened and why she seemed to be in Sick Bay. Before she could try and sit up, the Doctor appeared in her vision. 

“Good morning, Seven.” He said with a strange smile on his face.

“What happened? Why am I here?” Seven asked him.

Before he could answer her, she sat up and her eyes immediately landed on Kathryn who stood at the foot of her bed, arms crossed in front of her chest. The expression on her girlfriend’s face stopped Seven in her movements and she looked back at the Doctor for answers.

He looked at the Captain for a moment too, perhaps expecting her to explain what had happened but then turned back to Seven. “You had an allergic reaction, for lack of a better term.”

“Allergic reaction?” Seven frowned at him. That almost sounded like a joke. She wasn’t allergic to anything. But then she understood. She looked back at Kathryn and saw her raise one of her eyebrows. “O…”

“Yes… I am glad you understand.” The Doctor said as he showed her the tube of lotion in his hands. 

“But… how? Everything was going well.” Seven couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice and the Doctor’s face softened.

“How long have you been using this?” Kathryn asked her before the Doctor could say anything comforting. 

“I… I have been using it for a few days.” Seven stuttered, feeling as if the Captain had ordered her to tell her. “Almost a week actually.”

Kathryn huffed and turned away. Seven stared at her back for a few seconds and then looked back at the Doctor. He looked really uncomfortable but he still had questions to ask himself. “How did you create this lotion?”

Then Seven told them everything. About how she had found the quote in the Darursai database about treating symptoms instead of the cause of diseases. How she had found the extensive section on skin problems and had carefully paired the ingredients together before starting to use the lotion in small dosages at first and then in larger quantities while regenerating.

“I did all the calculations and I had used it before tonight. It worked.” She told him, trying to convince him and Kathryn that it had in fact been a good idea. “I don’t understand what went wrong.”

“It actually made your biosuits redundant?” The Doctor asked her while pulling up data on a padd. “That is fascinating.”

Kathryn turned back around at this and he almost backed away from her intense gaze. 

“Don’t encourage her.” The Captain snapped at him.

“Kathryn…” Seven started, wanting nothing more than to direct her girlfriend’s anger at herself and away from the Doctor.

“I will get to you in a minute.” Kathryn barked back and Seven shifted on the biobed a little, not looking forward to it. 

“Captain, I am not trying to encourage Seven in experimenting with her health.” The Doctor assured her while raising both his hands in surrender. Then he turned back to his patient. “You should have come to me with this. Why didn’t you?”

“I… I didn’t think you would understand.” She said and then noticed a flicker of hurt cross his face. “I mean you told me to stop looking into ways to remove my implants and I… I couldn’t let it go. I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you.”

“You haven’t offended me, Seven.” The Doctor said but she still noticed the hurt undertone in his voice. “And I never said you should stop looking for ways to remove your implants. Neither will I. All I said was that the Darursai’s database did not offer us any information to work with. At least… I thought it didn’t. I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that. _I_ am sorry. Sorry that this caused you to strike out on your own, start your own experiments and endanger your health.”

Seven felt really uncomfortable, his apologies did not seem justified. She thought she preferred him to be angry but then she looked back at her angry girlfriend and quickly accepted the Doctor’s apologies. 

“I will study the lotion more carefully. I already made a start while you were sleeping.” The Doctor told her. “Perhaps we can discuss its effects and then continue together.”

“Thank you.” She mumbled at him, a little surprised at his generosity. 

The Doctor nodded at her, then he looked back at the still fuming Captain and quietly retreated to his office with the lotion in hand. 

Seven sat frozen on the bed, unable to meet Kathryn’s gaze but the silence was really getting to her. “I am so sorry…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kathryn cut off her apology. 

“I wanted… I wanted it to be a surprise.” Seven said while she moved to the edge of the bed. 

“Well you succeeded in that!” Kathryn said. 

Seven quickly hopped off from the bed but then had to steady herself a little as a wave of dizziness washed over her. “I really am sorry… I don’t know what happened.” 

“I’ll tell you what happened.” Kathryn snapped. “I found you in our bed, bleeding all over. The Doctor said your nanoprobes were trying to reject your skin! Your skin, Seven!”

That image made Seven cringe and suddenly she realized what she had put Kathryn through. 

“I’m sorry.” She repeated herself. “I really thought… or hoped that it would work.”

“Okay so tell me what you thought was going to happen.” Kathryn pinched her nose, clearly trying to calm herself down.

“I thought that the lotion would work, that I wouldn’t have to wear my biosuits anymore. That I could wear normal clothes like everyone else.” Seven explained. 

“I never knew you cared about appearances that much.” Kathryn said in a bitter tone, not meeting Seven’s pleading eyes. 

“It is not about appearances… I mean it is but I wasn’t being vain.” Seven tried to make her see her point of view. “I was trying to become more human. For us.”

“Us?! You think I give a damn about what you wear?” Kathryn’s anger flared up again.

“You know what I mean…” Seven mumbled.

“No, I don’t.” Kathryn said while moving in closer and Seven almost took a step back but then she saw the tears in Kathryn’s gray eyes. “You risked your life for this… do you understand that? Do you have any idea what I felt when I found you like that? Do you have any idea…”

Kathryn’s voice broke and Seven quickly crossed the remaining distance between them and wrapped her arms around her. “I am so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

The silence that followed was only broken by Kathryn’s sobs and every one of them broke Seven’s heart a little. Then Kathryn abruptly pulled back from the hug.

“I can’t…” She angrily wiped her hands over her own face. “I can’t because you don’t understand. You would do it again if you could.”

Seven opened her mouth to protest but then closed it again. She knew Kathryn was right, she did not regret her experiment with the lotion. 

“I really am sorry for not telling you. I am sorry for putting you through all of that.” Seven stretched out her hands again but Kathryn stepped back, out of her reach.

She gave her a small sad smile which only made Seven’s heart hurt even more. “That isn’t enough.”

Then she turned around and walked out of Sick Bay. 

Kathryn tried to get her breathing back under control as she practically ran towards the turbolift. She quickly wiped at her face again, trying to remove all signs of tears as she avoided the concerned gazes of the crewmembers she encountered. 

Thankfully the turbolift was empty and she took some deep breaths in through her nose and out of her mouth. The short walk to her quarters should not be a problem, she told herself, but then the lift doors opened and Chakotay stood right in front of her.

“Kathryn!” He said surprised and then frowned. “What happened?”

“I… It’s Seven.” She answered feebly and then looked up into his dark eyes. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.” He said as he followed her to her door. 

“Do you want some tea?” She asked him as she walked straight to her replicator. 

“Thank you. Or do I need something a little stronger?” He joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

She smiled back at him and then proceeded to her couch. She took a sip of her own coffee before she started to explain. “Seven has been experimenting with her own health over the past week.”

“What do you mean? Experimenting how?” He asked her clearly confused.

She tried to explain the situation even though she was still a little confused about what Seven had been doing herself. So she did the best she could. When she told him about how she had found Seven bleeding in her bed, she choked up.

“That is terrible. Where is she now? Is she still in Sick Bay?” Chakotay asked, clearly concerned.

“She is. She is fine though, the Doctor fixed her.” Kathryn said as she took some deep gulps of burning coffee. 

“But you are angry with her?” Her friend asked her and Kathryn realized how obvious it must be.

“Of course I am angry!” She said, surprised that she had to explain. “How could I not be?”

He was silent for a moment, carefully choosing his words. “I understand but… Seven was just trying to… improve her situation.”

“Why does it need improving?” Kathryn asked him the question she really wanted to ask Seven. “Why does she need to go to such lengths just because she does not like her suits?”

“You know it is more than that.” Chakotay said. “I can only imagine that the suits represent something larger to her. They are a constant reminder that she is different. That she used to be Borg.”

“I know that.” Kathryn sighed, placing her empty cup on the table. “I just didn’t realize it was such a big issue for her, still. I hoped… I hoped that our relationship would make things easier. Instead she said she has done this for us. She does not have to change for me, not one bit!”

“We often want to change who we are when we fall in love. I always work out more whenever I am in a new relationship.” Chakotay told her with a smile. “Our flaws become more obvious to us, even though the other person might fully accept them.”

“But I do accept them. Beside I don’t think her implants are flaws…” Kathryn’s voice trailed off. No matter how much she loved Seven and even her implants, she knew that Seven would never be able to love them or even fully accept them.

“But Seven clearly does consider them flaws.” Chakotay echoed her thoughts. “I also don’t think those suits are very comfortable. I can’t blame her for wanting to dress differently from time to time.”

Kathryn sighed while she started wringing her hands together. Why did her friend always make such excellent points? Sometimes she wondered if Chakotay was a manifestation of her conscience. 

She looked up at him and smiled, feeling a little better. But then the smile disappeared just as quickly as it had come. “She still did not tell me about any of this.”

He did not say anything back but only reached out his hand to squeeze hers in a reassuring way. 

Kathryn was thankful for his support. Her emotions had calmed down a little but the sting of betrayal was still there. 

“Thank you.” She said and then squared her shoulders a little. “I won’t keep you any longer.” 

“Don’t mention it and I could stay if you wanted me to.” He offered even though she knew he must have been on his way to the Bridge when she ran into him. 

“No, that is alright. I’ll be fine.” She said and smiled again. 

Chakotay stood up and walked back to the door, then he turned around again. “Don’t hold on to your anger too long, Kathryn. Give Seven another chance to explain.”

She nodded at him, not sure what to say. After he left, her quarters seemed even darker than usual. She felt exhausted because of all the emotions of the past few hours and the broken night. She thought about going back to bed but then realized that she couldn’t.

With a groan she got up from the couch and walked over to her bedroom. Pausing in the doorway she looked at the ruined sheets and blankets. The dark red of the blood stood out against the whiteness of her linen and her stomach churned a little looking at it. 

Then her anger took over again and she practically ripped the sheets from her bed. Breathing heavily she wrung them together into a ball before marching back to her replicator. Through her tears she watched the sheets with Seven’s blood on it dematerialize and she wondered if their relationship awaited the same fate.

Seven stared at the Sick Bay doors for some long minutes before she realized that the Doctor was back at her side. He must have heard everything Kathryn had said to her… or shouted at her. 

“What do I do now? Should I go after her?” Seven asked him, feeling completely lost.

“I don’t know, Seven.” The Doctor answered. “Maybe you should give her some time to think and cool off.”

She nodded at him and then walked back to the biobed to sit down. Perhaps it was the blood loss but she felt completely drained.

“I thought… I thought this was going to be the day that I.. that I could finally…” She tried to explain to him but the words wouldn’t come. 

“I know.” He said and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “The good news is, I do think that if you and I put our heads together, we might be able to fix the recipe of your lotion.”

“Really?” She asked him as she felt at least some of the weight being lifted from her shoulders.

“Really.” He smiled at her and then showed her some of his work on a padd. “Like I said, I studied the lotion while you were sleeping and I think we could make some adjustments to it. You said you had used it before. Did you only use it in combination with your regeneration?”

“Well, no. I used small dosages on my arms and legs while I was awake. But I only applied it to my whole body while I was regenerating and then last night.” Seven explained.

“I see. I think the small dosages were generally accepted by your nanoprobes. Then when you applied it to your whole body, the regeneration prevented them from attacking. They probably thought the components hydrating your skin were part of the process.” He theorized while looking back at the data on his padd. “But while you were sleeping, the probes did not have the support of your alcove. They must have gotten confused on what was going on and to be on the safe side, they attacked.”

Relief washed over Seven. It was always a comfort to know why things hadn’t worked out the way she expected them to. Even though the results were still a disappointment, now she at least knew why. “And you think we can counter that effect?” 

“I do.” The Doctor assured her with another smile. “I just have a few more questions.”

Seven gladly answered all of them, happy that he was still willing to work with her even though she had sort of betrayed him by going rogue. 

After a while though the gnawing sensation of guilt towards Kathryn became almost unbearable and the thrill of working on the lotion with the Doctor started to wane a bit. 

He noticed her distraction and quickly put the pad aside. “I will continue working on this and I will let you know when I need your help. In the meantime, can you promise me you won’t do any more experimentation on your own?”

“I promise Doctor. I am really sorry and… thank you.” Seven said, standing up again.

“Good. Then you can go if you want.” He told her, giving her permission to leave while also offering her a place to stay.

“Thank you.” Seven said with a smile. Under any circumstances, she would rather leave Sick Bay than stay longer than she had to so this time was no exception. 

Besides… she couldn’t bear the distance between her and Kathryn anymore. She quickly walked through the doors and the mostly empty corridors to the turbolift.

Standing in the lift, she briefly wondered if she should prepare some words or maybe even replicate a gift for her angry girlfriend. But she did not know what words to say or what gift to get. She would probably just run the risk of making things worse. She just had to face Kathryn now and hope for the best.

Taking a deep breath she pressed the button next to Kathryn’s door and waited for a call to come in. But nothing came. She counted the seconds in her head and then pressed the button again. Still nothing. 

She quickly checked Kathryn’s location in the Computer and then pressed her combadge. “Seven to Kathryn.” 

Nothing. The silence pressed into her ears but she could also hear her own heart beating frantically, as if it was trying to reach Kathryn somehow. 

She waited a little longer but then turned around. Kathryn clearly did not want to talk to her. A cold fear took hold of her as she walked back to the turbolift, not sure where to go now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me... I am sad now too. :(  
> Let me know what you think of their fight.


	12. Atmosphere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who gave me feedback on the last chapter. These two chapters were very difficult to write because I wanted to get it just right. Your comments really helped me. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

“Seven.” 

Seven had stopped in her tracks when she heard the door open behind her and now Kathryn’s voice, even though it was only a whisper, made her twirl around. 

Kathryn was standing in her doorway. When Seven locked eyes with her, she quickly looked away to her own feet and then just moved into her quarters. Leaving the door open. 

Without hesitating, Seven quickly followed her in and then stopped in the middle of the living room, not sure what to do as she just stared at her girlfriend.

Kathryn looked terrible. Her clothes were rumpled, her hair was messy but more importantly, her face was blotchy and her eyes were red. Seven knew she had been crying. That realization made her choke on the words she had wanted to say and when none came out, Kathryn’s shoulders dropped and she looked away again. 

Unable to stand the silence and the distance any longer, Seven took three big steps and then wrapped her arms around Kathryn. She hugged her tight but her girlfriend did not hug her back.

Leaning back, Seven saw tears running down Kathryn’s cheeks and her own fear flared up as she noticed the empty look in Kathryn’s gray eyes. Letting her arms drop, Seven reached out to grasp both of her girlfriends hands in her own.

“Kathryn, please. I am so sorry.” She whispered because she did not trust her own voice enough to speak up. 

When Kathryn just ducked her head to look down, Seven refused to release her hold on Kathryn’s hands to raise her chin. Instead she dropped herself to her knees so she could still look into Kathryn’s eyes. “Please, say something.”

“I… I don’t know…” Kathryn sniffled eventually. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Seven.”

Seven frowned and then abruptly stood up again. Holding onto Kathryn’s hands, she pulled her girlfriend towards the couch and sat down. 

For a moment she wondered if this was the first time she was the one taking charge in the Captain’s quarters but then she reminded herself to focus. She needed all of her concentration to make this right. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want you to _say_ , I want to know… I need to know what you are _thinking_.” Seven tried to explain her own frustration and fear. Kathryn’s silence and passiveness frightened her. 

“I am thinking…” Kathryn said and then heaved a big sigh. “I am wondering why you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about all of this.”

“I told you… I wanted to surprise you.” Seven repeated her words from earlier that morning. 

“But that is not the whole truth. Is it?” Kathryn countered.

Seven was slightly relieved to hear some strength seep back into her voice. But she hesitated before answering her claim. “No… I guess not.”

“Do you want to tell me the whole truth now or should we just… stop?” Kathryn asked her while wringing her hands together, staring down at them. 

“It is difficult…” Seven began but immediately felt Kathryn freeze up beside her. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t want to stop. What I meant was, that it is difficult to explain my motivations because I don’t always understand them myself. But I guess… I knew you would not be okay with me… experimenting because I sometimes feel like, you don’t understand what it means to me to have these… obstacles.”

“What obstacles, Seven?” Kathryn looked up at her and the empty look in her eyes was replaced by fire. “Did we not just have a perfect weekend together? Do I not tell you over and over again how beautiful I think you are? How much I love you?”

Seven had to swallow a couple of times before she could speak again. “We did and… you do. But…”

She stopped and this time she was the one to look away. How could she explain something she did not always understand herself? Kathryn’s anger certainly didn’t make it easier.

The silence stretched on and her mind screamed at her to speak up, to explain but she couldn’t. Tears were welling up in her eyes, clouding her vision. 

Then she suddenly felt Kathryn’s warm hand on her own. In surprise she looked back up. Kathryn’s eyes were moist too but at least she did not look angry anymore.

“I’m sorry.” Kathryn whispered. “I’m sorry I am so angry… I know it is not fair.”

“You have every right to be angry.” Seven quickly assured her. 

“You just really scared me.” Kathryn continued. “I don’t want you to get hurt, by anyone. But if you are the one who is hurting you… it is so confusing and difficult.”

“I know.” Seven said while stroking her fingers over the palm of Kathryn’s hand. “I know I am hurting you too when I do that. But you have to know that I did not set out to hurt myself. You know that right?”

Kathryn didn’t immediately respond. Instead she reached out and moved her fingers up and down Seven’s ocular implant. “Didn’t you? You want to hurt the Borg parts in you.”

“You were always the one who told me that I was no longer Borg.” Seven said, feeling herself get frustrated again. “How can you not understand that I want to get rid of my implants? Of all of it?”

“I understand, Seven. Really I do… or at least I am trying to.” Kathryn answered. “But the Doctor has said, over and over again, that these remaining implants… that he won’t be able to remove them.”

Seven jumped up from the couch, she knew she should stay calm but the sitting did not help. “I know that. But even the Doctor does not know everything. Whenever we encounter new civilizations with new ideas or new technologies… I have to hope that things can change.”

“But what if they never do? What if we never find the technology needed to remove them? What then?” Kathryn asked her, looking at her with pleading eyes.

“Then… my implants stay as they are.” Seven said not entirely sure herself. “But even so, that does not mean that I can’t change other things. Like with this lotion, I wasn’t trying to remove my implants, just to improve my skin so I wouldn’t need these suits!”

“What’s so wrong with your suits?” Kathryn asked her, her own voice rising up in volume too.

“Don’t do that.” Seven frowned down at her. “Don’t pretend that everything is fine with my suits, implants, regeneration…”

“Why do you think that I am pretending?” Kathryn demanded as she stood up from the couch as well.

“Because it is not fine!” Seven almost screamed. “It is not fine that I can’t spend every night with you in a bed like a normal human girlfriend would. It is not fine that I can’t dress like everyone else on this ship. That I have to put on this suit after we take a bath or go for a swim because my skin needs to regenerate. It is not fine, Kathryn! It is not fair!”

She choked completely on the last word and she quickly hid her face in her hands. Unable to look at Kathryn’s hurt face. “Even this… our fight, me hurting you… none of it would have happened if I wasn’t… if I was just… human.”

Before she could completely fall apart, she felt Kathryn’s arms wound themselves around her. Seven quickly dropped her hands to return the hug, clinging to Kathryn while trying to control her sobs. 

“I know it isn’t fair. I know it is hard.” Kathryn whispered while leaning back a little to brush away the tears from Seven’s cheeks. “I don’t want to diminish what you are going through… I guess I was just hoping that you… could be happy despite of everything that is left. Truly happy.”

“I am happy whenever I am with you.” Seven quickly stuttered out. “But… I don’t know…”

“That doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.” Kathryn finished her thought. “It doesn’t have to be… I am sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for wanting me to be happy.” Seven tried to smile. “I want you to be happy too and sometimes… I just don’t think I am good enough for you.”

“Don’t think that. Please, don’t.” Kathryn placed both of her hands on the sides of Seven’s face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Seven whispered back and then leaned in as Kathryn reached up to kiss her. It was a bit messy because they were both still trying to control their tears but Seven still felt huge waves of relief wash over her at the familiar feeling of Kathryn’s lips on her own. 

“Can you promise me that from now on, you won’t keep things like this from me?” Kathryn then asked her. “We are in this together and I… can’t say it will always be easy for me to understand but if you don’t tell me, if you don’t explain to me what you are doing… I can’t understand.”

Seven blushed a little, feeling the guilt from the past few days reach new levels. “I will, I promise. I am sorry. I guess I still have a lot to learn about human relationships. It can’t be easy for you, having to explain everything over and over.”

“I won’t pretend that I know everything either but we have to talk to each other, okay?” Kathryn stepped back a little, creating some air between them where before there had been such a tense atmosphere. 

Seven just nodded at her, feeling completely drained now. Less than twelve hours ago she had been rushed to Sick Bay, she had lost quite a bit of blood and then this fight had taken it’s toll on both of them. She could see that Kathryn was tired too. 

“I know we had plans for today but… could we maybe just take a nap?” Seven asked Kathryn with a shy smile. 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Kathryn chuckled. 

Seven took her hand and walked to the bedroom but then stopped in the doorway as she saw that the pillows were thrown on the floor and the bed was unmade. 

“I… didn’t have time to change the sheets yet.” Kathryn quickly explained.

“Please, let me do it.” Seven said as she felt herself blush again, knowing full well why the bed was such a mess. 

“Let’s do it _together_.” Kathryn countered and Seven noticed how she put some extra stress on that last word. 

Even though their fight seemed to be over, this topic of her sharing more with Kathryn clearly wasn’t. But for now, they just needed rest. 

After they quickly put the bed in order again, which went a lot faster working together, Kathryn took off most of her clothes and got in the bed. 

Seven watched for a moment, biting her tongue because she wanted to point out that _she_ could not take off her suit. She didn’t say anything though. She just took of her boots and then laid down next to Kathryn with a sigh. 

Thinking back, she remembered what plans she had had for today, how she was going to show Kathryn the lotion and the results. She still felt disappointed because it hadn’t worked but at least she felt relieved that Kathryn knew now. 

Snuggling in closer to her girlfriend it did not take long for her to fall asleep.

Kathryn watched as Seven’s face and body slowly relaxed. Gently, so as not to wake her, Kathryn ran her fingers through Seven’s hair and across her neck and back. 

It felt strange that not that long ago she had woken up in this very bed, finding Seven bleeding all over her sheets… That image still caused cold shivers to run over her back and subconsciously she pressed herself closer to Seven, needing to feel her heartbeat.

She was very exhausted herself but the stress and emotions of the past few hours kept her awake. The fight with Seven played itself back over and over in her mind. 

_I should have told her that I love her no matter what. I should have told her that I support her. I should have reminded her of the positive effects of her Borg implants, about how the nanoprobes saved my life._ Kathryn kept running lines like this through her mind, wishing she would have handled the whole situation better.

She was feeling a little embarrassed at her own anger, now that it was all over. But she still felt strongly that Seven should have told her about her research even though Seven’s doubts were probably justified. Kathryn hadn’t been shy about voicing her concerns over Seven’s drive to change her own body. 

Seven had seemed sincere though when she had promised that in the future she would talk to her about it. Even so Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder if she really would and if she herself wasn’t being a control freak for asking Seven to do so. Shouldn’t she respect her girlfriend’s privacy?

But then she remembered how Seven had told her that she sometimes wondered if she was good enough for her and that had changed everything.

Looking down at Seven’s peaceful face, Kathryn leaned in to press a soft kiss on her forehead. Seven wasn’t perfect, Kathryn knew that, even though she was madly in love with her. However, Kathryn really believed that they were a perfect match, together. She would just have to work harder to make Seven see that too, to make sure that she did not feel inferior in any way. 

At least now the air between them had cleared. Kathryn heaved another big sigh of relief and exhaustion. Then she simply closed her eyes and let her mind follow Seven to sleep. 

“The Doctor to Seven.”

Seven reluctantly opened her eyes. She had been dreaming… Kathryn had been there but the other details were slipping away from her as the Doctor’s voice woke her up. 

Slowly, Seven reached over to the bedside table where she had put her combadge. Meanwhile Kathryn was waking up too, stretching and rubbing her eyes.

“Doctor?” Seven finally answered.

“I am sorry, I hope I am not interrupting.” The Doctor sounded a little hesitant. 

“No… we were just taking a nap.” Seven mumbled while sitting up. 

“O, good.” The Doctor sounded relieved, probably because she had said ‘we’. “I just wanted to let you know that I have reviewed your data on the lotion and… I think I might have found a fix for your problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And exhale... ;)  
> If you have the time, let me know what you think.


	13. Soaring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

“That was fast.” Seven said, surprised at the Doctor’s news that he might have found a fix for her lotion already.

“Your research was very thorough and in the end it was just a small fix.” The Doctor explained. “I will explain it to you when you have time to come by Sick Bay.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Seven said as she put the combadge back on the table before turning to look at Kathryn, anxious to see how she would react to this news about her experiment.

Kathryn sat up and looked hesitant as well, clearly they were both a little unsure of how to proceed after their fight. “You should go to Sick Bay to find out what the Doctor has discovered.”

“It can wait.” Seven said as she took Kathryn’s hand in her own. “It's not important.”

Surprised, she heard Kathryn chuckle. “It _is_ important to you and I can imagine you want to know how he found a fix so soon.”

“I must have missed something important in my research.” Seven mumbled, a little troubled at the speed with which the Doctor had fixed her mistake. If she had just gone to him when she had finished the list of ingredients…

“Well, it is no use to dwell on mistakes from the past.” Kathryn said as she moved to the edge of the bed to get up.

She started putting on her clothes and Seven put on her boots but then waited for Kathryn to finish, still unsure whether going to Sick Bay was a good move. 

Kathryn looked up when she had put on her own shoes. “Shall we?”

“You’re coming with me?” Seven asked and instantly regretted her own tone as she saw a flicker of hurt cross Kathryn’s face.

“Unless you don’t want me to.” She said, looking down and tugged at her clothes again.

“No! Of course I want you to.” Seven said as she walked over to Kathryn and reached up to stroke her cheek, causing her to look up. “I just… I thought you might still be mad about the lotion.”

“No… and again I am sorry I got so angry before.” Kathryn said while leaning into her touch. “I want to support you. If I want you to share with me whatever it is you’re doing, I need to be there to support you as well.”

“Thank you.” Seven smiled. “I don’t want you to worry though. I am sure the Doctor has devised a safe way to test the lotion this time.”

“I am sure he has.” Kathryn said. “So shall we?”

Seven nodded, dropping her hand and then leading the way to Sick Bay. She felt strangely nervous. Somehow this felt very different from trying out the lotion by herself. Now if something were to go wrong, Kathryn might get disappointed too or become worried again. There was more at stake now. Still, it also felt nice to share the experience, to no longer keep it a secret. 

Entering Sick Bay, Seven’s eyes immediately landed on Tom Paris who was lying underneath one of the biobeds, seemingly taking it apart. “Lieutenant.”

“Hello, Seven.” He smiled up at her and then scrambled to his feet as his eyes landed on Kathryn. “Captain.”

“Lieutenant.” Kathryn greeted him and Seven was happy to hear some softness in her tone. 

The two tricksters had worked hard over the last few weeks and most of the crew seemed to have forgiven them. Except maybe Lieutenant Torres… 

“Good afternoon, Captain, Seven.” The Doctor said as he gave the Lieutenant a pointed look. Tom sighed but then dropped back down on the floor to resume his chores. 

“Thank you for coming by so soon.” The Doctor continued as he walked to the console in the center of the room. “I am sorry I disturbed your nap though.”

“That’s quite alright, Doctor.” Kathryn said but then she took a step back, as if she did not want to intrude on Seven’s time with the Doctor. 

“Did you really find a fix already?” Seven eagerly asked him, still a little flabbergasted at his speed. 

“I did. At least I am almost certain that I did.” The Doctor answered her while he pulled up some of his research. “To be honest, Seven, it wasn’t even that hard to see what you missed.”

Seven frowned. She was a perfectionist and generally not known for her mistakes. She glanced at Kathryn who was trying to hide a smile. 

“Sorry I did not mean to offend you.” The Doctor quickly assured her. “But it was a bit surprising to me. You are usually so focused.”

“Just tell me, Doctor.” Seven demanded as her patience was growing thin. 

“Well, you did cooperate the Darursai techniques for skin treatment very well and you calculated all of the variables concerning your implants and your nanoprobes. That is why you never had any strong reactions while you were regenerating.” He showed her the graphs on his screen. “However, you failed to calculate the response of you human immune system. Your nanoprobes work in close cooperation with your white blood cells after all. So when you are sleeping, a very human process, they take a back seat and let your human physiology take over. Then when your white blood cells acted out because of the Darursai components entering your blood stream, the nanoprobes came to their aid and well…”

His voice trailed off. They all knew what had happened next. Seven couldn’t quite believe what he was trying to tell her. She walked closer to his screens and started reviewing the data for herself but there it was… she had underestimated her human immune system. “I just never thought my human immune system played such a big role in my overall physiology.”

“It didn’t used to but now it does. I guess you are forgetting how human you have already become.” The Doctor said while shooting a meaningful look at the Captain. Seven looked up at Kathryn as well and noticed how her girlfriend’s eyebrows were raised and her overall posture was telling her ‘I told you so’.

“I have recently been told that it is no use to dwell on mistakes from the past…” Seven said, annoyed at their smug faces and shooting Kathryn a deviant look. “Now that we know all of this… can you fix the lotion?”

“I already have.” He said proudly as he handed her a new tube. “Turns out you really were just having an allergic reaction so I added some tailored antihistamines. It should be safe to use now.”

Seven had expected to feel happy but instead she felt a little embarrassed that she had overlooked something so simple. She looked from the tube of lotion back to the screens. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“You are welcome, Seven.” He said and his tone was no longer smug. “Just remember you are human too. Far more human than you might realize.”

She looked back at him and she could see pride in his eyes. Another sign of her growing humanity. Before, she never would have been able to even identify the emotion of pride. She smiled at him, feeling her emotions start to soar again with hope.

“So I can start using this now?” She asked him, looking back down at the tube as if it held the solution to all of her problems.

“You can.” He smiled at her. “I would like for you to try it in Sick Bay the first time though. Just to be safe.”

Seven looked at Kathryn. She had been quiet throughout her talk with the Doctor but she was smiling now and then she gave Seven a small nod. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Before we test it though, I think it would be best if you regenerated first. To give your body a chance to heal fully before we start another round of experimentation.” The Doctor quickly said, curbing Seven’s enthusiasm a little but she knew he was right. 

“I will regenerate tonight.” She promised both him and Kathryn. “Can I test the lotion tomorrow night while I sleep here?”

“Of course.” The Doctor said with another smile. “That’s the day before Thanksgiving… so that way when it works, you will wake up with another thing to be thankful for.”

Thanksgiving… Kathryn had almost forgotten about that.

“I can’t wait for Thanksgiving.” Tom suddenly mumbled from under the biobed.

“How is the work coming, Lieutenant?” Kathryn gave Seven a wink before she turned to look at Tom’s feet, the only part of him that was still visible. 

“Very well, Captain. Thank you for asking.” He quickly replied. “We are almost done with Tuvok’s list.”

“Good.” Kathryn said and then turned back to the Doctor and Seven. “Let’s hope we will have a very quiet and boring Thanksgiving.”

“I don’t believe pranks are a part of the tradition, are they Captain?” The Doctor asked her as he took the tube of lotion back from Seven. 

“That depends on which family you ask but generally, no.” Kathryn replied.

She studied Seven and could see a small blush of excitement on her cheeks, her blue eyes were shining again. 

It had been quite amusing, watching the Doctor explain to Seven where it had all gone wrong with the lotion. She found it quite ironic that it had gone wrong because Seven had overlooked her human side. That was something she would tease her girlfriend with, at least for the coming days.

But for the most part she was happy for Seven that the lotion was fixed and she would support her in this endeavor from now on. 

Perhaps it had been their nap but her anger had mostly disappeared. She now saw with her own eyes how important this was to Seven and she was starting to understand why she had not told her before. Seven’s insecurities were still holding her back and Kathryn couldn’t really blame her for that, even though it had hurt that she kept it all to herself. 

She was also quite happy that the next trial with the lotion would take place in Sick Bay. She would not sleep a wink if Seven would test it again in her quarters, too afraid that she would find her bleeding again.

Anyway, she still had a full day to prepare herself for the next test and for the Thanksgiving party she had almost forgotten. Maybe she should talk to Neelix to make sure he wasn’t going overboard with the party. 

“Kathryn?” Seven’s voice startled her and she quickly focused her eyes on her girlfriend again. Apparently her ruminations had made her space out a little and Seven was watching her with a concerned look on her face. Perhaps she was afraid that she was not fully behind all of this.

“I’m sorry, I got lost thinking about Thanksgiving.” Kathryn quickly explained.

“Alright…” Seven hesitated. “I asked if you want to go have dinner in the Mess Hall. We missed lunch today, you must be starving.”

Kathryn blinked at her and then realized that she was, she hadn’t noticed that before. Maybe some good food and another cup of coffee would wake her up. “Sounds good.”

Seven smiled at her and then said goodbye to the Doctor before walking over to the biobed with Paris’ feet sticking out from underneath. “Goodbye, Lieutenant.”

“Bye, Seven. Enjoy the Mess Hall.” His voice sounded a little sad. 

Kathryn knew that Tom and Harry had had their meals with Tuvok over the past few weeks, separated from the rest of the ship. She was really starting to feel bad for them. At first she had wondered if the punishment was severe enough for what they had done but now she wondered if she hadn’t overdone it a little. Especially by giving Tuvok control over the execution. 

But then she remembered the effects the prank had had on Seven. The panic attack and then this rather desperate attempt to change her body. That made the punishment a little more justified, even though the two officers could never have predicted these consequences. Still, she hoped they had learned their lesson about how humor could backfire. She really wanted this Thanksgiving celebration to be as low key as possible.

“Are you alright?” Seven asked her as they stepped into the turbolift. 

“Yes, sorry I was just thinking about Tom and Harry and their punishment.” Kathryn replied.

“So, you are fine with me trying this new batch of the lotion?” Seven asked her while shifting from side to side a little, clearly nervous.

Kathryn quickly reached out and took Seven’s hand in her own. “I am. Really. I am happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Seven smiled at her and then squeezed her hand before pulling back as the doors opened. 

Kathryn knew that Seven was very careful not to show off their relationship to the rest of the crew but it had started to annoy Kathryn a little. Not that Seven was trying to protect her authority, that was very sweet. But the fact that they were still so concerned about this. 

Walking into the Mess Hall, Kathryn looked around and could not find any crewmember who would have objected to her walking in holding hands with Seven. Maybe it was time to reevaluate that part of their relationship.

 _Slow down, Kathryn._ She quickly told herself. Only this morning, she and Seven had been in a very big fight. Seven was preoccupied with the lotion right now. That would have to be _their_ priority, at least for the coming days. 

“Do you want a table for ourselves or would you like to join Icheb and B’Elanna over there?” Seven asked her as she subtly nodded her head at a table in a corner where Lieutenant Torres and Icheb were sitting. 

Kathryn smiled. Seven really had come a long way. “I don’t mind joining them. Have you told Icheb about the lotion?”

“I hadn’t even told you. So no, I didn’t tell anyone else.” Seven quickly assured her. 

“Then let’s change that.” Kathryn said as she walked over to the table with her tray of food in hand.

“Good evening, Captain. Seven.” B’Elanna greeted them. “Please, join us.”

Kathryn quickly thanked her and sat down next to her while Seven took a seat next to a frowning Icheb.

“Is it true you woke up in Sick Bay again this morning?” He asked her and Kathryn smiled at his reproachful tone.

“News really travels fast on this ship.” Seven grumbled while looking around at the other crewmembers in the Mess Hall.

“That’s not an answer.” Icheb said, clearly upset with her. 

Seven sighed and then started to explain what had happened. Kathryn just listened while she ate her food.

“It is hard to imagine you having an allergic reaction.” B’Elanna said when Seven neared the end of her tale. “I thought you were sort of indestructible. Did you swell up or something?”

“No, her skin was coming apart.” Kathryn answered before Seven could belittle what had happened. But then she saw the shocked look on Icheb’s face and she felt bad. “Sorry, it wasn’t that bad. She was just bleeding a lot.”

“Yikes.” B’Elanna just said. 

“It _really_ wasn’t that bad.” Seven said turning to Icheb after giving Kathryn a reproachful look. “The Captain got me to Sick Bay before it got worse.”

“But what if she hadn’t?” Icheb said, clearly not reassured. “What if you had been alone or what if she hadn’t woken up?”

“She did though.” Seven quickly said. “And it won’t happen again.”

“I never thought you cared that much about your looks, Seven.” B’Elanna said as she continued eating, clearly the story had not upset her appetite as it had Icheb’s.

“I wasn’t being vain, Lieutenant.” Seven said, clearly annoyed. “I just… I just don’t want to wear my biosuits anymore. I want to have normal skin.”

“I understand that.” Icheb suddenly said while he pulled on the jumper he was wearing. 

“Thank you, Icheb.” Seven said gratefully, picking up her own fork again, thinking that the conversation was over.

“That is still no excuse for experimenting with your own life.” Icheb continued and Kathryn smiled as she saw Seven close her eyes in frustration.

“Thank you, Icheb.” Kathryn echoed Seven’s words, grateful for the young man’s support.

Seven opened her eyes again and glared at Kathryn but she just stared back, defiantly. Both of them were unwilling to look away first so the silence stretched on for a while. From the corner of her eye, Kathryn saw B’Elanna and Icheb exchange an uncomfortable look.

Finally Kathryn caved. “However, I do understand Seven’s point of view better now. And like she said, it won’t happen again.”

“Thank you.” Seven said, clearly happy with her help and this small win. “But you are right, Icheb. It was reckless of me to experiment by myself. I am sorry.”

Icheb nodded at her. He looked a little uncomfortable, sensing that he had stepped into their fight somehow. So he quickly changed the topic of conversation to the Thanksgiving party Neelix was throwing the day after tomorrow.

Kathryn wanted to chime in but first she had to know that she had not made things worse between Seven and herself. She really did not want their fight to flare up again. They locked eyes and Kathryn gave her a weak smile which Seven thankfully returned. 

Then she felt Seven’s foot gently nudge her leg and Kathryn raised her eyebrow at her. Seven’s smile turned mischievous, her ocular implant arching up a little but then she dropped her foot before joining Icheb in his interrogation of B’Elanna about her experiences with celebrating Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving… Seven was right. It was a good holiday to celebrate. 

Kathryn looked around the Mess Hall, at her crew eating dinner. People were laughing and eating together. Neelix was handing out food while pointing to the decorations he had already finished. 

Suddenly, Kathryn was filled with a great sense of gratitude. They might still be stuck in the Delta Quadrant but she had a lot to be thankful for. Her crew, her ship, her friends, Neelix’s food and of course, Seven. 

She turned her attention back to her girlfriend and openly stared at her. She would have to find something to make Seven’s first Thanksgiving extra special. Then they could leave this whole fight behind them for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am not a doctor so don't pin me down on the details of Seven's allergic reaction. Of course her immune system with the nanoprobes is rather unique so I have some literary freedom there. ;)
> 
> If you have the time, let me know what you think!


	14. Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and a special thanks to those of you leaving comments, they always make my day.

After dinner, Kathryn walked Seven to the Cargo Bay. They were walking slowly, as if they didn’t want the evening to end. 

“I am curious, where did you find all the ingredients for the lotion? Did you replicate them?” Kathryn asked. 

“Most of them.” Seven answered her. “I used the replicator in the Mess Hall.”

“Did you cook up the lotion there too? Among Neelix’s pots and pans?” Kathryn teased her a little while she reached out to take Seven’s hand.

Seven arched her ocular implant at her. Both at the teasing and at the fact that the Captain was holding her hand in a corridor of the ship. She wasn’t going to object though. 

“No. I replicated some equipment so I could make it in the Cargo Bay.” Seven explained.

“You must have used quite a lot of your rations.” Kathryn turned serious.

“It was fine. I don’t use them a lot, except for my night coffee.” Seven smiled at her as she raised her daily cup of coffee in her other hand. 

They had reached the Cargo Bay and Kathryn walked in with her, looking around as if she was looking for the equipment. 

“Do you want to see my secret cooking material?” Seven asked her, feeling a little uncomfortable. She let go of Kathryn’s hand and walked up to the platform.

“No! You don’t need to show me that.” Kathryn quickly assured her. “I don’t want to invade your privacy. I was just trying to imagine it… you in here, all alone, trying to figure it all out…”

“It was my own choice.” Seven said as she put down the cup of coffee next to her alcove. “I could have asked for help. I _should_ have asked for help.”

“But you didn’t…” Kathryn said and Seven marveled at her tone. She did not sound angry, not as if she wanted to continue their fight. Instead she sounded sad.

Seven quickly hopped off the platform again and wrapped her arms around Kathryn’s waist. “I didn’t because I am stubborn.” She placed a kiss on Kathryn’s forehead. “Because I am a fool.” Another kiss on Kathryn’s nose. “Because I still have a lot to learn.” She finally placed a soft kiss on Kathryn’s lips. 

Kathryn smiled up at her while she wrapped her own arms around Seven’s shoulders. “We all make mistakes, we are _human_ after all. Even though some of us tend to forget that.”

Seven rolled her eyes at her, knowing full well that she would have to endure jokes about the fact that she forgot to calculate her human physiology into the equation of her lotion for quite some time. 

She couldn’t blame Kathryn though. Besides, she quite liked the mischievous sparkle in Kathryn’s gray eyes and the triumphant look on her face. 

Kathryn reached up to kiss her one more time and then they both stepped back. The evening had to end some time.

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn.” Seven smiled at her.

“Good night, Seven.” Kathryn said before she walked towards the doors. “See you at breakfast.”

Every time Kathryn left the Cargo Bay, it seemed as if the lights had dimmed a little. Seven looked around at the familiar equipment and tried to hold on to the warmth her girlfriend had left behind. 

She quickly walked back to the platform, closer to the smell of the black coffee. Then she asked the Computer to start the track of rain sounds. 

She closed her eyes. Taking deep breaths, smelling the coffee and listening to the rain. She went over the next day in her head. Normally a very soothing exercise. She would wake up, have breakfast with Kathryn, work in Engineering with B’Elanna and then at the end of the day she would go to Sick Bay.

Butterflies burst forth in her stomach at that last thought. The lotion was fixed. It would work. A small part of her knew that it could still go wrong. The Doctor might have overlooked something, just as she had. But she was a lot more certain this time than before. It would work and then she wouldn’t need to wear her suits anymore…

The excitement she felt made it hard to start her regeneration but it was a better distraction than her usual feelings of hopelessness and desperation. Scrunching her eyes closed, she changed her train of thought. She wouldn’t think about tomorrow but about all the days after that. The future, her future with Kathryn, her heaven.

“Good morning, Neelix.” Kathryn greeted her Morale Officer as she walked into the Mess Hall.

It was rather quiet because it was still very early. However, Neelix was already up on a ladder, hanging a garland of what seemed to be turkeys made out of handprints. 

“Good morning, Captain.” Neelix said happily as he jumped back down. “What do you think?”

“It is very… festive and quite authentic. We used to make those when I was little.” Kathryn smiled up at the turkeys.

“Thank you. As with Halloween, I did my research and even more crewmembers were willing to help out with Thanksgiving. So many great traditions to choose from.” Neelix almost jumped up and down on his feet. “You see these hands? They are actually made from handprints of every member of the crew. I used the medical database with the help of the Doctor and then Naomi and I made them into turkeys.”

Somehow that made the garland even better and Kathryn’s smile softened, looking at each turkey as she noticed the small differences between them. A few of them even seemed to have their feathers arranged in the Vulcan hand greeting. 

“You are right over here.” Neelix said as he pointed to one of the turkeys somewhere in the middle. “And right next to you is Seven, of course.”

“Thank you, Neelix.” Kathryn said, her voice suddenly quite small. “This is truly beautiful. Did you work all night to get this done?”

“I did. But don’t worry, I don’t need that much sleep.” Neelix said but he did not meet her gaze as he shuffled back behind his counter.

“Don’t overdo it Neelix. That is actually why I came in early, to check on you.” Kathryn’s voice had turned back to the Captain’s voice.

“That is very kind, Captain. But it will all be worth it in the end.” Neelix quickly assured her. “This is our first Thanksgiving as a family after all.”

Kathryn smile returned. Voyager’s first Thanksgiving. Then she looked back up at the turkey made from Seven’s handprint. Seven’s first Thanksgiving. She decided to confide in her Morale Officer. “Actually Neelix, that is another thing I want to talk to you about.”

“Regeneration cycle, incomplete.” The Computer’s voice warned her but Seven’s patience had run out. She was going to meet Kathryn for breakfast soon, the few hours of regeneration she had gotten would just have to do. 

She had been unable to contain her excitement and her body was still filled with a nervous energy. As she walked to the Mess Hall, she briefly wondered how she was going to get through the day.

When she stepped through the door, her eyes immediately landed on Kathryn. Her girlfriend was leaning over the counter, talking to Neelix but when she saw Seven, she quickly took a step back. “Good morning, Seven.”

“Ah yes, good morning, Seven!” Neelix’s voice was rather loud and Seven looked at him in surprise. He quickly turned away though, going back to his pans. Only then did Seven notice the decorations.

“Why are there birds everywhere?” She asked Kathryn.

“They are turkeys.” Kathryn explained while she handed Seven a tray of breakfast food. “They are very important to Thanksgiving.”

As Seven sat down, she felt her nervous energy spike with an overload of questions she wanted to ask about this Earth holiday. She had been so preoccupied with the lotion that she had forgotten to do her research like she had done with Halloween. The only information she had about Thanksgiving was what Lieutenant Torres had told her the night before.

Kathryn took a bite of her scrambled eggs and then looked up at Seven who hadn’t moved yet. She gave her a smile. “Go ahead, ask me about the turkeys.”

Seven gratefully returned her smile and then launched another barrage of questions at her girlfriend.

Before she knew it, they were both running late and they had to hurry to get to the Bridge and Engineering in time. As she walked to the turbolift, Seven’s head was still spinning with the stories Kathryn had told her. Something about pilgrims, corn and wish bones. 

Maybe she could ask B’Elanna some more questions as they worked on the engine together. Of course, that all depended on the Chief Engineer’s mood.

Thankfully, B’Elanna was already at work and she looked happy enough. “Good morning, Seven.”

“Good morning, Lieutenant. How are you?” Seven asked her and B’Elanna looked up in surprise at the question.

“I am fine. You?” She returned it.

“Good.” Seven quickly answered. “Lieutenant Paris told me that he and Ensign Kim are almost through with their list. Does that mean that we can continue our work on the engines?”

“We can.” B’Elanna smiled at her. “I already pulled up the schematics from where we left off the last time. I think we might be able to finish this today.”

“Good.” Seven repeated herself. “How are things between… you and your husband now that his punishment is almost over?”

“You want to know if I am still mad at him?” B’Elanna asked her with an arched eyebrow. “It is getting better. He actually replicated me some flowers yesterday. He said it is almost Thanksgiving and that we should focus on what we have to be thankful for.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Seven said carefully, not sure if she should agree with Tom.

“I guess. I just wondered… Are _you_ still angry about the prank?” B’Elanna asked her.

“Me?” Seven said surprised. “I was never that angry to begin with.”

“No, I know. Even though I still don’t fully understand why…” B’Elanna explained. “It is just, last night, you told me about the lotion and your allergic reaction. Would you have done all of that, the lotion and the experiments, if they hadn’t pulled off that prank?”

Seven didn’t reply right away. The Doctor had asked her the same thing when she had come to him for help the first time. “I don’t think so.”

B’Elanna nodded and her lips turned into a thin line. Seven knew her long enough to know that that was a sign of anger.

“But I am happy that I did. The Doctor fixed the lotion and I will be able to try it again tonight.” Seven quickly said. “If it wasn’t for their prank… I wouldn’t be able to. If everything works out, I won’t have to wear my suits any longer. If that is a direct result of their prank, then I should be grateful to them not angry… for pushing me to get this far.”

She felt a little unsure of her own explanation. It did not make a lot of sense but she really did not feel any anger towards the two tricksters.

B’Elanna just stared at her and then Seven was stunned to see tears well up in her dark eyes. “You really have come a long way, Seven.” She said with a smile. 

“Thank you.” Seven said, feeling extremely awkward. 

“I guess I should follow your example.” B’Elanna sighed. “I shouldn’t hold on to my anger and just enjoy this holiday with my husband and the rest of our messed up little Voyager family.”

Seven was happy that the Lieutenant was back to making jokes. She didn’t really know what to do with an emotional B’Elanna Torres.

Given that the Chief Engineer had brought up Thanksgiving again, she felt free now to ask her the questions she hadn’t been able to ask Kathryn at breakfast. While they worked, her knowledge of the holiday grew and she felt more and more confident that this was the perfect holiday for the crew to celebrate together.

“How are the adjustments going, Lieutenant?” Kathryn asked her Chief Engineer as she walked into Engineering by the end of the day. 

Seven and B’Elanna had still been hard at work and had not noticed her come in. At the sound of her voice though, Seven looked up and smiled at her. 

Kathryn quickly returned her smile and then placed her hand on Seven’s shoulder as B’Elanna started to bring her up to speed by telling her that the adjustments were done.

“We will need to drop out of warp to install them though.” B’Elanna finished.

“That won’t be a problem.” Kathryn said. “We are planning to drop out of warp tomorrow during the Thanksgiving celebration, that way as many crewmembers can join in as possible.”

“Good.” Torres said. “Then after the party we can install them and Voyager will be even faster than she already is.”

Kathryn followed B’Elanna’s gaze to the warp core. As a captain she loved her ship very much and that love was clearly shared by her Chief Engineer. 

“Will you join us for dinner?” Kathryn asked her before shooting a look in Seven’s direction.

Her girlfriend seemed a little distracted though and Kathryn could feel the tension in Seven’s muscles through her hand.

“No, thank you.” B’Elanna politely declined. “Tom is having dinner in our quarters again tonight and I… want to join him.”

She then shared a look with Seven and Kathryn wondered if the two of them had become such good friends that they now discussed their relationships together. Before she could wonder what Seven might have to say about her, she quickly moved on.

“Could I talk to you after dinner? I could use your help with something.” Kathryn asked.

“Of course.” B’Elanna said, surprised but willing.

Kathryn could feel Seven’s eyes trained on her now, clearly intrigued. She quickly arranged to meet B’Elanna at the Captain’s quarters at 8 pm and then she left Engineering with Seven. Kathryn did not meet her gaze until they were alone in the corridor outside of Engineering.

“What do you need B’Elanna’s help with?” Seven asked her.

“I can’t tell you. It is a surprise.” Kathryn teased her.

“The last time I wanted to surprise you… you told me not to keep secrets.” Seven mumbled.

Kathryn stopped in her tracks and turned Seven around to look at her. “This is different. This is completely safe.”

Seven was still pouting a little and Kathryn almost started to doubt herself. Her girlfriend generally did not like surprises after all.

“I think we can still surprise each other with… nice things.” Kathryn tried to explain.

“My lotion was supposed to be a nice thing.” Seven said as she started walking towards the turbolift again.

“I know.” Kathryn said as she hurried to match Seven’s strides. “But your underlying motivations for not telling me were a bit more complex than just wanting to surprise me.”

Seven did not respond right away and Kathryn could see her frown deepen. “I apologized for that. Why are you keeping secrets now?”

Kathryn quickly reached out and grabbed Seven’s hand. Stopping her again. “I know it is confusing. It is… a fine line I guess. Like with white lies, sometimes it is a good thing to keep things secret and hidden for a while to protect others or to surprise them with something nice.”

She looked into Seven’s blue eyes, pleading with her own for her to understand. Then Seven sighed. She pulled up Kathryn’s hand to place a soft kiss on it before letting it go. “I guess it is one of those human intricacies I still have to understand.”

“Don’t worry. You will find out what the surprise is soon enough.” Kathryn assured her as they stepped into the turbolift. “You just focus on your lotion for now.”

Seven nodded at her and then they were silent. 

Kathryn wondered if perhaps she should have asked B’Elanna for her help when Seven wasn’t around. But she didn’t want to sneak around. Seven was very perceptive, she might have found out anyway. Besides, now she at least knew that Kathryn was planning something so it wouldn’t be a complete secret.

Looking at her tense girlfriend again, Kathryn worried that she had made Seven’s nerves about the lotion even worse. But in the end, it would all be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning: this story (not the series!) is nearing its end but I guess you figured that out.  
> I won't make the same mistake as I did with Suppressive Fire and Wakeful Water, so I won't predict how many chapters are left. ;) But I still wanted to give you a little heads-up. 
> 
> Also, I'm not American so I did not grow up celebrating Thanksgiving. If I made any mistakes, let me know and if you have some great traditions you want to share, Neelix is eager to hear about them. :)


	15. Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I think this might be the longest chapter I have written so far. I hope it is still good, quality over quantity! I had fun writing it though and I hope you'll enjoy reading it.

With mixed emotions, Seven walked to Sick Bay after having dinner with Kathryn in her quarters. The excitement she had felt ever since the Doctor had told her he fixed the lotion had been replaced with dread. What if the lotion wasn’t really fixed? What if she had another allergic reaction or something else would go wrong? She wasn’t sure she could handle that disappointment again, especially now that Kathryn seemed to be on board.

Her girlfriend had acted very strange today. Seven was happy that she knew the reason why but she still really hated surprises. She also found it a little confusing that Kathryn was planning this surprise and could therefore be secretive about what she was doing but had asked Seven to be completely honest with her about her future research. 

She might have become more and more human over the past few years, having that failsafe in her cortical node disabled was a big step, but it was not all good and easy. Being human turned out to be very confusing. 

As she mulled this over, she reached the Sick Bay doors. Before going in she took one last deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose. Telling herself to focus and not to automatically assume the worst, she stepped inside. 

“Good evening, Seven!” The Doctor greeted her with a big smile on his face. “Are you ready for a good night’s sleep?”

“I think so.” She answered him, trying to reach his levels of excitement.

The Doctor’s smile faltered a little as he noticed her mood. “Don’t worry. I will monitor you closely throughout the night but I really don’t think anything can go wrong.”

“I am not doubting your work, Doctor.” Seven quickly assured him. “I am just… nervous. If this doesn’t work…”

“If it doesn’t work, we will keep trying.” The Doctor said as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

Seven smiled at him, feeling herself becoming calmer already. He was right, even if the lotion did not work this time around, they would keep working on it. Together. 

“Now, I have set up a bed for you.” The Doctor gestured towards a biobed which was surrounded by forcefields. A Sick Bay pajama was placed neatly on the foot of the bed, there was a big standing mirror next to it and there even were even flowers in a vase on the bedside table. 

“If you could just step inside the forcefield, apply the lotion and change into the pajamas.” He continued as he handed her the tube with the new version of the lotion. 

Seven looked at the tube and noticed that there was writing on it this time. ‘No. 7.’ She arched her ocular implant at him in surprise.

“I might have gone a little overboard.” The Doctor explained with a laugh. “You see this is actually the seventh batch of the lotion, taking into account the versions from your early experiments. I also found out that there was this custom on Earth with cosmetic companies to number their perfumes and other products so I thought… well because of your name…”

His voice trailed off uncertainly and Seven suddenly realized he was waiting for her to respond. “Very clever, Doctor.”

“Thank you.” He smiled. “It is also a precaution. No one else should use this lotion but you. If for instance the Captain would use it by accident… well I just don’t think that would end well.”

Seven frowned at the number. She had not thought about that. Perhaps it had been careless to put her own version of the lotion, the sixth one, in Kathryn’s bathroom. 

“But don’t worry it is perfectly safe for you to use.” The Doctor’s voice broke through her thoughts.

“Of course.” Seven said before stepping through the forcefield.

The Doctor walked up to the field and turned it opaque. “Just step out again when you’re ready.” 

Seven appreciated his discretion. She quickly put her combadge on the bedside table and then took off her biosuit, folding it neatly before placing it on a nearby chair. Then she opened the tube of No. 7 and sniffed it carefully. It still smelled nice, the changes the Doctor had made to it hadn’t changed the scent. 

She studied herself in the mirror for a moment. As if she was trying to remember what she looked like, even though the lotion would not change her appearance at all. She quickly shook her head in frustration, getting annoyed at herself. Then without another thought she started to apply the lotion to her skin. 

Finally she put on the pajamas, feeling a little strange in them but at least they were comfortable. They would be nice enough to sleep in. 

After looking at herself in the mirror one more time, she stepped through the forcefields again. 

“No problems, I expect?” The Doctor asked her as she put the tube back on the table next to his console. 

“No, not at all.” She said, still feeling nervous. She wondered if she would even be able to sleep here. 

“Now do you have any rituals before going to sleep? As you might imagine, I am no expert.” The Doctor smiled at her.

Seven blushed, thinking about what she usually did before going to sleep in the Captain’s quarters. Gliding her fingers through Kathryn’s hair, feeling her smooth skin on her fingertips, kissing her lips…

The Doctor was still looking at her expectantly so she quickly cleared her throat. “No I have no sleeping rituals. However… over the last few weeks I have used rain sounds to help with my regeneration.”

“How clever.” The Doctor said. “Like white-noise? More crewmembers do that.”

“It was Kathryn’s idea. I mean the Captain’s.” Seven corrected herself and she could feel her blush deepen. Why was talking about sleep so awkward? 

The Doctor gave a small chuckle but then turned serious again. “If you want, you can play those sounds here. I don’t mind. We could close off your forcefields to sound but I would rather be able to hear you if something goes wrong.”

“The noise wouldn’t bother you?” Seven asked him. She liked the idea of listening to the rain., it would help make her feel more at ease.

“I am not that easily bothered.” He answered with a wink. 

She nodded and then addressed the Computer to play the sound which she had stored in her personal database. 

The Doctor looked around a little, as if he was looking for the falling rain. “Fascinating. I am curious though… why rain? I can’t imagine you have experienced many rainstorms in your life.”

Again, Seven felt her cheeks heat up as she remembered lying in bed with Kathryn, listening to the rain fall on the roof of their cabin on the Holodeck. Then she remembered the falling water of the waterfall…

“Kathryn suggested it.” She spluttered and this time she didn’t even correct herself for using the Captain’s first name.

The Doctor noticed her discomfort though and quickly let it go. “Well, if you need anything else, another blanket or a different pillow, please do not hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you.” Seven said as she turned back to the forcefields. Eager to get this over with. 

“You don’t mind if we turn these transparent again?” The Doctor asked her before she could step through the fields.

“No, of course not.” Seven said as she quickly adjusted the settings herself.

“Very well, then.” He said as he dimmed the lights and then took a step back as if to give her some more space. “Sweet dreams, Seven.”

Seven sighed, mostly with relief that their conversation seemed to be over. Then she quickly walked over to the bed and got under the blanket. 

It felt strange sleeping in Sick Bay. Voluntarily no less. It felt even stranger sleeping alone, without Kathryn. 

She closed her eyes and just focused on the sound of the rain. She tried to imagine being back in the cabin but her hearing was advanced enough to pick up the small differences in the sound of the rain. She could also still hear the hum of the machines of Sick Bay and the Doctor’s silent footfalls as he moved around the room. 

Turning over to her side, she told both her body and mind to relax, impatiently waiting to fall asleep. 

When over an hour had passed, she had counted every second in her head, she opened her eyes again in frustration. She pushed the blanket away from her and got up.

From the corner of her eye she saw the Doctor look up from his work in his office but thankfully he did not make a move to come over to see what was wrong. She moved fast to the replicator in the room. Then like every night she regenerated, she replicated a cup of black coffee.

Picking up the coffee, feeling the heat warm her hands, she swiftly rushed back to her cubicle of forcefields. Bringing the cup up to her nose, she took a deep breath, letting the aroma fill her senses. Then she put the cup down on the bedside table and crawled back under the covers. 

The smell helped even better than the sound and she slowly felt her mind slip away to dreams of Kathryn. 

The Captain knew it was still early but she could not stay in bed any longer. She got out and got dressed in a hurry. Even if Seven was still asleep, the Doctor would be awake so she could ask him how the night had gone. 

She hoped Seven had slept better than she had but she doubted it. Her girlfriend had already been tense when she left the other night and Sick Bay was usually not the place where Seven relaxed. 

Kathryn quickly checked her reflection in the mirror of her bathroom and then left her quarters without even taking the time to drink a cup of coffee. 

The ship was quiet as the morning shift hadn’t started yet. Most of the crew would have a quiet day today as the Thanksgiving party was planned for this afternoon. Kathryn smiled to herself, thinking about the party. She really hoped Seven would enjoy it but that all depended on how the experiment with the lotion had gone. 

Stepping through the doors of Sick Bay, Kathryn’s eyes needed to adjust to the dimmed lights but then immediately landed on the sleeping form of Seven. She looked adorable all snuggled up under a blanket.

“Good morning, Captain.” The Doctor greeted her with a whisper, beckoning her to step into his office. She barely registered his voice over the rain sound that poured all over the room.

“Doctor.” She greeted him, whispering back on instinct but wondering why he was being so quiet. “How did it go?”

“The lotion did not cause any problems.” He eased her mind. “However, Seven’s hearing is so sensitive! She woke up a couple of times.”

Kathryn looked back at Seven through the window of the office. She had never noticed that Seven was a light sleeper but she guessed it made sense.

“So the lotion worked?” She asked with a smile.

“It did.” He said, smiling too. “I would like to run some tests when Seven wakes up but it looks really good so far. It is quite clever how she came up with this whole idea.”

“Well, she is very clever.” Kathryn couldn’t help but stare at Seven again.

“You got here quite early. She might not wake up for another hour or two.” He said, checking the time and the data from the biobed on his screen.

“I couldn’t sleep anymore. I wanted to know how she was doing.” Kathryn explained. “I’ll be quiet though.”

He nodded at her and then let her walk back into the main room of Sick Bay. Kathryn wondered if she should have taken off her shoes but Seven did not seem disturbed by her presence at all.

Quietly she made her way to the chair next to Seven’s bed. She carefully picked up the biosuit that was draped over the back and then sat down. She let the material of the suit, very familiar to her by now, run through her fingers as if she wanted to say goodbye to it.

She lost herself to thoughts of Seven in the suit, the first time she had seen Seven in the suit and before... How her skin had been patched together by the Doctor using tape but how it had slowly healed itself and had become very smooth…

After a while, movement from the corner of her eye woke her from her memories. She looked up and saw that Seven was beginning to stir. She seemed to reach out with her hand but it fell on empty air as the biobed was a lot smaller than the beds she was used to.

A frown appeared on Seven’s face and then her blue eyes blinked open. She looked confused at first but then she noticed Kathryn. “Hi.”

“Good morning.” Kathryn said softly. She got up from the chair and placed a kiss on her forehead. “How did you sleep?”

Seven woke up quickly and after realizing where she was, she sat up and immediately started to examine her arms. Then she flung back the blanket to study her legs. 

The lights in the room turned on in full intensity and the Doctor walked over to them with a smile on his face. “Good morning, Seven.”

“It worked…” Seven mumbled. “It really worked.”

The smile that broke out on her face made Kathryn’s heart throb. Seven kept looking back from the Doctor, to Kathryn, to her own body and she was actually laughing out loud by the end. 

“Everything does look good.” The Doctor told her with a grin. “I would like to run some tests, just to study the effects of the lotion in more detail. But I really think you did it, Seven.”

“We did it, Doctor.” Seven said, without looking away from her own arms. “I could not have done this without you.”

Kathryn had to swallow back her tears at the happiness radiating from the young woman in front of her. She brought up her hand to her eyes to quickly wipe them dry but Seven, even though she was distracted, noticed. 

She looked at her, a little puzzled and then swung her legs over the edge of the bed to stand up. Before she could though, Kathryn wrapped her in a hug, taking advantage of the difference in height.

“Congratulations, darling.” She whispered in Seven’s ear and she felt Seven hide her face in her shoulder for a minute. Not moving at all. 

When Kathryn pulled back at last, she could see tears in Seven’s eyes as well. Then they both laughed and Seven turned back to the Doctor to begin the tests.

He had to clear his throat before he could start his explanation and Kathryn could see that he was emotional too. They both knew how important this was to Seven.

While Seven meekly followed the Doctor’s instructions, Kathryn walked over to the replicator. She was ready for her first cup of coffee of the day.

The happiness Seven felt was almost overwhelming and she couldn’t help but smile throughout the Doctor’s tests and scans. From time to time, she glanced back at Kathryn and she noticed that the Captain was smiling too. 

“Well, that was all for today.” The Doctor finally said as he eagerly looked at the results on his tricorder. “It all looks good.”

“Great” Seven hopped down from the biobed.

“You are free to go.” He handed her the tube. “For now you should apply this every night. In a few weeks we can decide if we need to adjust the dosage. And remember… if you feel anything strange, anything at all, you come back here.”

“I will.” She said as she eagerly took the tube from him. Then she looked up at his very stern and serious face. “I promise.”

“Good.” He relaxed. “Then I guess… you can change out of those pajamas.”

Seven almost nodded but then she stopped. What was she going to change into? She had been so preoccupied with getting out of her suits that she hadn’t seriously considered what clothes she should wear from now on. There were still so many different options! Her head started to spin…

“How about for now, you change back into your suit.” Kathryn’s voice cut through the chaos in her head. Then she handed her her biosuit. “Just one last time.”

Seven gratefully accepted the suit and then turned the forcefields opaque again to chance. How could she have forgotten the fact that she needed clothes from now on? Looking at her suit, she wondered if it hadn’t been easier after all, having no choice. Maybe she would miss it one day. 

“Will we see you at the Thanksgiving party, Doctor?” Seven heard Kathryn ask the Doctor.

“Absolutely.” He replied. “Wouldn’t want to miss that.”

Fully dressed, feeling a little more like herself, Seven lowered the forcefields and joined them again.

“See you in the Mess Hall.” Kathryn told the Doctor and then she held out her hand to Seven.

Seven was grateful that Kathryn was taking charge because her own emotions had paralyzed her a little. Before they headed out the door, she turned back to the Doctor. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“You are welcome, Seven.” He smiled at her and then the doors closed behind them. 

Walking to the Captain’s quarters, Seven felt like she was walking on clouds. Her skin was tingling but maybe that was just because she was hyper aware of it now. Plus, she was holding Kathryn’s hand and Kathryn’s fingers were moving back and forth over her skin which caused all kinds of tingles to race up her arm. 

They were quiet until they stepped back into the privacy of Kathryn’s quarters. Then Kathryn turned around to face her. “Are you hungry? We could have breakfast first or if you want…”

Seven cut her off abruptly with a passionate kiss, pulling her in close. She was very pleased to feel her fire answered by her girlfriend after only a few heartbeats. 

When Seven pulled back, Kathryn was quite breathless. Seven grinned down at her, nudging her nose with her own. “I am not hungry…”

“Okay.” Kathryn panted and then recovered enough to pull her into the bedroom.

When they had reached the bed, Seven took hold of both of Kathryn’s hands. “I want you to take off this suit, for the last time.” 

She had meant to be playful but by the end of the sentence, her tone had turned serious. Kathryn seemed to understand as she stared deep into her eyes and then very slowly reached up to the button at the top of her suit. 

Before pressing it, Kathryn reached up for another kiss. At the very moment that their lips touched, Seven felt the tension in the suit give away. It opened up, freeing her skin from the clingy material. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could have been a nice ending to this story... :) But of course we still have the Thanksgiving party to attend and Kathryn still has to reveal her surprise.
> 
> If you have the time, let me know what you think.


	16. Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> The story picks up a where we left off except for a scene with a different rating that I left out. ;)

“Did it feel different? Me touching your skin?” Kathryn asked softly as her fingers danced up and down Seven’s arm. 

Seven stared up at the ceiling for a while before answering. “No… it did not feel different. It felt just as good as it always did.”

Kathryn gave her a lazy smile and then just resumed her exploration of Seven’s skin.

“Thank you.” Seven suddenly said, rolling on her side and hugging Kathryn even closer.

“For what?” Kathryn asked her surprised.

“For… all of this. For supporting me. For just being… you.” Seven blushed, she felt like she wasn’t saying what she wanted to say but she hoped that Kathryn understood nonetheless. 

Kathryn didn’t respond but she did lean in for another kiss. Seven sighed against her lips, feeling perfectly happy, lying in Kathryn’s bed and in her arms. 

“Are you hungry now?” Kathryn asked her after a few moments of silence. 

“Aren’t you?” Seven asked her in return. “I guess I made you miss a meal again.”

“That’s okay. It is Thanksgiving.” Her girlfriend said as she stretched herself a little. “I believe the dinner at the party is planned for around 4 o’clock so we should be okay if we just have a brunch.”

“Alright.” Seven said, eager to get up and show her appreciation by making some food for Kathryn.

But Kathryn’s hand on her shoulder stopped her from getting out of bed. “Or… do you want to have your surprise first?”

Seven blinked at her and then smiled as she saw the sparks in Kathryn’s gray eyes. Apparently she was really excited to reveal what she had been working on and Seven was very eager to get the suspense out of the way. 

“Of course! Does it have something to do with food?” Seven asked curiously.

“No.” Kathryn laughed, getting up herself and taking two robes off the pegs near her bathroom door. “Why don’t you take a seat on the couch and then I will be right out.”

Seven scanned Kathryn’s eager face, wanting to pick up some more clues as to what the surprise could entail but Kathryn had put her poker face in place. She just smiled at her and then handed her the robe with a shooing gesture to the door. 

Filled with a new nervous energy, Seven complied and walked into the living room while tying her robe. She sat down on the edge of the couch and kept her eyes trained on the bedroom door. 

Her ears picked up the opening and closing of a door and then Kathryn appeared, holding several items in her arms. She walked over to the couch and put a rather large box on the coffee table and then held up two garment bags. 

Seven arched her ocular implant at Kathryn, waiting for an explanation even though she had started to understand what the surprise was.

“I know you must have had some ideas about what you might want to wear from now on.” Kathryn started to explain and Seven was surprised to see that she was nervous too. “But in case you hadn’t… or you know, in case you might want some help… I replicated some things for you.”

“That is so sweet of you.” Seven said and excitedly stood up from the couch.

Kathryn held out one of the garment bags to her and Seven opened up the zipper to reveal a gorgeous blue dress. She gingerly moved her hands over the soft fluent material. It seemed almost unreal that she could wear something so pretty from now on. 

As she looked up at Kathryn’s face she saw that the Captain was nervously biting her bottom lip. “Do you like it?”

“Of course, I do! It is beautiful.” Seven smiled at her.

“Now this is just to give you some ideas.” Kathryn quickly said. “Don’t feel like you have to wear this for me.”

“Thank you. I think I would love to wear it.” Seven gave the dress one last look. Then she took it from Kathryn’s hand and draped it over the couch. Her first impulse was to change into the dress right away but she was too curious to see what was in the other garment bag and the box. 

Kathryn seemed to understand and held the remaining bag out to her with a smile. The zipper was open in a heartbeat and inside was a pair of blue jeans and an elegant black blouse. 

“I asked B’Elanna for help.” Kathryn reminded Seven. “I remembered that she helped you pick out an outfit for our first date on the Holodeck and well… I thought maybe she knew what you liked.”

Seven had to swallow a bit, feeling a little overwhelmed by the gratitude she felt towards her wonderful girlfriend. 

While Seven moved her hands over the buttons of the blouse, Kathryn bounced on the balls of her feet. “Again, these are just some ideas. Before you know it, you will have a whole wardrobe of your own.”

“I love these, Kathryn.” Seven said as she placed the second outfit next to the dress on the couch. Then she quickly hugged her nervous girlfriend. “Thank you. You are amazing.” 

Pulling back, Seven saw that Kathryn was smiling but the tension had not completely left her face. Kathryn was still nervous and it probably had something to do with the unopened box.

“One more thing.” Kathryn disentangled herself from Seven’s arms and then picked up the box from the table. She looked back up at Seven’s face and hesitated… but there was really no going back now. “This is something… different.”

Then she opened the lid of the box and let it drop to the floor so she could still balance the large box in her hands. Inside was a complete set of the Starfleet uniform. 

She kept her gaze trained on Seven’s face, eager to see her reaction. She seemed a little stunned as she reached out her hand and placed it on the blue uniform jacket but did not take it out.

“I know you don’t want to join Starfleet like Icheb.” Kathryn quickly said and then the words started to tumble out. “And that is completely okay! I can understand if you do not want to wear this. You don’t have to. It is your choice! I just thought… if you _do_ want to or maybe just on special occasions…”

Her voice trailed off as Seven at last picked up the uniform jacket from the box. She held it up, letting the light fall on the blue fabric. 

“I want to.” Seven said quietly. “I have wanted to wear this uniform for a while now.”

“Oh good.” Kathryn said as she let out a breath she had been holding. “I wasn’t sure and I did not want to make you feel like you had to. I mean, you don’t. You are not Starfleet but… you are a member of the crew of Voyager so you could...”

Her mind was screaming at her to calm down and just let Seven respond to the uniform. She put down the box on the table again and put her hands behind her back as she watched Seven examining the jacket. 

But she still felt like she should explain one more thing. Bending down she took out a smaller box. “I can’t give you an official Starfleet rank but you are my Astrometrics Officer.” She said as she took out the rank insignia the former members of the Maquis wore as well. Hoping that Seven would understand.

Seven picked it up from her hand and then turned it over and over before placing it on the uniform jacket. She did not say anything and Kathryn’s nerves were getting worse. Then suddenly Seven spoke up. “I want to try it on.”

“Of course!” Kathryn said with relief and then she quickly stepped back as Seven swooped down to pick up the large box with just one hand. 

Seven gave her a smile and then turned around. As she heard the bathroom door close, Kathryn sank down on the couch, careful not to sit on Seven’s new clothes. _That went well._ She thought and then jumped up again to finally get a cup of coffee.

Seven knew she could have just changed in front of Kathryn but she wanted her to see her for the first time with the full uniform in place.

She quickly took off Kathryn’s robe and hung it back on a hook before she started to rummage through the box to get to the undergarments. She still couldn’t believe that Kathryn had gone to such lenghts, to get her her first sets of clothing. 

Smiling at herself, she turned back to look in the mirror every time she put a piece of the uniform on. Watching herself slowly transform into a true member of the Voyager crew.

When she got to the gray undershirt, she had to pause for a minute. She had always loved this shirt on Kathryn. The Captain would often remove her jacket whenever she got home to her quarters and then she would sit across from Seven at the dinner table, wearing that gray shirt… How often, Seven had stared at it and now she was going to wear it herself. 

“You okay in there?” Kathryn’s voice pulled her from her thoughts but her girlfriend did not come in. “Let me know if you need any help.”

“Thank you but I got it.” Seven quickly replied. She had pulled off Kathryn’s uniform enough times to know where everything went. Besides, it wasn’t really that complicated.

She really enjoyed putting on the boots. They were black and looked like they could take a hit. One of the things Seven liked best about them, however, was that they were flat, no heels. She had never liked that about her biosuit shoes.

After she pulled up the zipper of the jacket, she clipped on the rank insignia and only then did she notice her hands were trembling. Ignoring this, she put on her combadge which she had snatched from the bedside table before going into the bathroom.

Then she reached up to do her hair but instead of pulling it up in her usual hairstyle, she opted for a pony tail. Wanting her hair to match her new clothes somehow. 

She stared at her own reflection in the mirror, unable to look away. Suddenly she felt tears fill her eyes and she quickly closed them and shook her head. She sternly told herself that she was being silly and vain. She should just step outside again, Kathryn was waiting for her.

Looking up from the clothes, Seven quickly checked her face. There was a blush of excitement on her cheeks but besides that, she looked very presentable. Giving her jacket one last pull to straighten it out, she opened the door. 

Quietly she peeked in the living room and saw Kathryn pacing back and forth, cup of coffee in hand. 

“Captain.” Seven greeted her, she walked closer and then stood at attention. 

The look on Kathryn’s face as she saw her in her uniform for the first time was priceless. Something Seven would never forget. 

The Captain carefully put her cup down on the table and then slowly made her way over to Seven. Seven felt a little self-conscious as Kathryn’s eyes swept over her uniform. Then her gray eyes landed on her own and Seven could see that they were moist too. 

“How do you feel?” Kathryn asked her as she reached out and stroked both her hands up Seven’s arms until her hands rested on Seven’s shoulders.

“I feel great.” Seven said. She wanted to say more but she couldn’t get the right words out. She was also distracted by Kathryn’s fingers, playing with her insignia. 

“You look great too.” Kathryn said with a shy smile. “I knew you would, of course, but I guess… I wasn’t completely prepared for the sight of you in an uniform.”

Seven chuckled but she thought she understood what Kathryn meant. She had stared at the Captain in her uniform for years after all. 

“Blue is definitely my favorite color.” Kathryn mumbled as her hand lowered to Seven’s combadge.

“Is that why I am wearing a blue uniform?” Seven asked her, knowing the answer but wanting to tease her girlfriend a little.

“No.” Kathryn smirked up at her. “But it is a happy coincidence that your department’s color is blue.” 

Her hands continued their journey down Seven’s side and then she hugged her close around her waist. “Blue for science, blue as the sky. But the most beautiful shade of blue, is the color of your eyes.”

“That was quite poetic.” Seven whispered as she leaned down and captured Kathryn’s red lips with her own while her hands glided over the silk of the rope the Captain was still wearing. 

Before they could get carried away, Kathryn pulled back from the kiss. “So you really like it?”

“I do.” Seven assured her as she took both of her hands in her own. “For me the biosuits… they made me feel different. They made me stand out. I came up with the lotion because I did not want to wear the suits anymore because they reminded me I had been Borg. But it was more than that…”

Seven paused for a minute wanting to find the right words to explain what she felt. Kathryn patiently waited for her. 

“I did not just want to be human, I wanted to be a part of this crew. The suits made me stand out but so would casual clothing. However, I thought you… you might not agree with me wearing the uniform.” Seven continued.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Kathryn asked surprised.

“I am not Starfleet, nor was I ever in the Academy like some of the former Maquis.” Seven continued. “Instead I was part of the Collective… an enemy of the Federation. I don’t know, I felt like I did not have the right to wear this uniform.”

“You do!” Kathryn put her hand on Seven’s face before she could look down. “You have as much right to wear that uniform as any other member of this crew. You are part of the Voyager family, Seven.”

“Now more than ever.” Seven gave her a brave smile as she looked down at her clothes despite Kathryn’s hand on her cheek.

“It does not matter what clothes you wear, Seven.” Kathryn turned serious. “You were always a member of this crew. I actually went to talk to Neelix about this.”

Seven looked back up, she wondered how many other people had been involved in the surprise.

“Just B’Elanna and Neelix.” Kathryn said as read the question in Seven’s eyes. “I asked Neelix because he does not wear his uniform most of the time. I wanted to ask him if he thought you might want one. Because I thought he would understand best.”

Frowning, Seven realized that Kathryn was right. Neelix wasn’t Starfleet either but he was a very important member of their crew. He usually did not wear his uniform though… only when he went on away missions or when he was working with Tuvok. 

“Neelix said that he thought you would want to have the option but that for him, it does not matter what clothes people wear.” Kathryn told her and then her hand landed on Seven’s combadge again. “What matters is how we feel inside, how we are connected with each other, as a family and as a crew.”

Swallowing hard, Seven knew that Neelix was right. She had always been part of the crew… but a part of her still felt better wearing the uniform. Somehow it felt more official that way. 

She smiled as Kathryn stood up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on her forehead. 

“So… what should I wear to the party? Did Neelix have any ideas about that?” Seven asked to lighten the mood again.

“No, we did not discuss that.” Kathryn smiled back at her.

“What are you going to wear?” Seven asked her. 

She did not want to change out of her uniform any time soon but if Kathryn was going to wear her casual clothes, then she wanted to fit in. 

“Let’s have something to eat first and then we can decide what to wear. Together.” Kathryn said and then tried to pull her along to the table. 

Seven stopped her though and spun her back in her arms. “Thank you… for all of this.”

“You are welcome.” Kathryn smiled. “Happy Thanksgiving, Seven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have the time, let me know what you think.
> 
> I know the whole Maquis insignia is a bit confusing sometimes so I left out how many bars Seven's insignia should have.  
> Still I liked dressing her in her Starfleet uniform. :) I hoped you liked Kathryn's surprise as well.  
> Only one more chapter to go!


	17. Exhale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience.
> 
> Letting go of a story is never easy and I used the past few days to go through all the chapters again so that I could really call this story complete once I posted this last chapter.
> 
> I hope you'll like this final chapter!

Seven noticed how Kathryn kept staring at her throughout their brunch. This wasn’t something new but Seven suspected that her new uniform was the real reason why today. 

“You really like the uniform too, don’t you?” She asked her girlfriend with a smirk. 

“I do.” Kathryn said with a blush. “But more importantly, I like seeing you happy.”

“ _You_ make me happy.” Seven said as she stood up to clear the table. 

Putting the plates and dishes back in the replicator felt different somehow. Her biosuits had come from the same machine of course, but it felt strange that she could now ask the Computer to replicate her whatever clothing she wanted. Within the limits of her rations of course. 

It was also a little dizzying because there were so many choices. That was another reason why she liked the uniform so much, she wouldn’t need to think about what to wear on most days. Of course, this Thanksgiving party and other social gatherings were something else. Thankfully she had Kathryn to help her out. 

“So this party is going to be a casual event, right?” Seven asked her girlfriend who was still wearing just her robe. 

“It is but no one would blame you for wanting to wear your uniform.” Kathryn smiled up at her. 

“No, I shouldn’t. I want to fit in and maybe… match with you.” Seven did not really understand what she was saying herself but somehow it was important. 

“That is a nice idea.” Kathryn said as she stood up from her chair. “Do you want to look in the Computer to get some ideas?”

“Actually…” Seven hesitated but her eyes were already darting back to the two outfits on the couch. “I would like to wear one of the two outfits you gave me.”

“You really don’t have to.” Kathryn said quickly. “You can wear whatever you want now!”

“I know.” Seven said as she took hold of Kathryn’s hand. “But what I want is to wear one of your gifts.”

“Okay.” Kathryn smiled. 

“So which one is more appropriate for the party?” Seven pressed on. 

“They are both appropriate really.” Kathryn moved back to the couch as if to look at them more closely. “Neelix didn’t set a dress code after all. Besides I think it is also very important for you to feel comfortable in whatever you are wearing.”

Seven pondered this for a minute. Whichever outfit she would wear, people were probably going to notice that she was wearing something other than her biosuits. That was something that would make her uncomfortable anyhow. She gingerly picked up the pretty blue dress.

“I think I’d like to wear this one.” She confessed. “I think it would be something my younger self would have liked to wear… Annika.”

It felt strange to talk about the girl she had been. Most of the time that girl seemed so far away, as if she was not really a part of her past at all. Saying her name felt… alien.

Looking back at Kathryn, she could see that her girlfriend did not really know what to say. Instead she just squeezed Seven’s hand a little tighter. 

“I could do your hair.” Kathryn said breaking the silence after a while.

Seven eagerly accepted the offer. If only to change the mood back to being festive. They then moved back to the bedroom and Seven, a little reluctant still, took of her uniform. But when she pulled on the dress, it was a whole new sensation. She felt… pretty.

Kathryn watched her carefully before moving around Seven to help her with the zipper. “You look stunning.” She said as she placed a kiss between Seven’s shoulder blades. 

Then Kathryn ordered her to sit down in a chair so she could start working on her hair. Seven closed her eyes as she felt Kathryn’s fingers move through the strands. It felt really nice and intimate somehow. She focused on the feeling and her own breathing, inhaling Kathryn’s scent and then slowly exhaling again with a sigh. 

“Done.” Kathryn’s voice suddenly brought her back to the present. “Now all you need are shoes and maybe some accessories.”

Seven felt herself start to get overwhelmed again so she quickly moved the focus to Kathryn. “ _You_ haven’t picked out clothes yet.”

Kathryn chuckled but she obediently moved back to her wardrobe. As she opened it, she looked back at Seven’s dress and then took out a blue blouse. “What about this?”

Seven simply nodded at her, not wanting to make any decisions for Kathryn considering how she could barely decide anything for herself, fashion wise. 

Changing rather quickly, Kathryn pulled on the blouse and black pants. Simple but very elegant and Seven caught herself staring at her. 

Then Kathryn reached out her hand. “Now we match.”

Kathryn’s wardrobe had a large mirror on the door and Kathryn pulled Seven close against her and then wrapped her arm around her waist. Seven stared at the reflection of them, standing perfectly together in matching colors. She couldn’t help but smile at Kathryn’s reflection. This was what she had wanted so badly. To look human, with Kathryn. 

Kathryn studied Seven in the mirror, watching the storm of emotions in those blue eyes. She hadn’t really contemplated how emotional the whole process of getting dressed would be for Seven. She definitely hadn’t expected her to bring up her past self… Annika. 

But she understood why she had and it seemed that Seven was not really sad… just happy that things were changing for the better now. That probably didn’t mean, however, that she wanted Kathryn to call her by her given name any time soon. 

“There was something else I wanted to talk to you about.” Kathryn said as she locked eyes with Seven through the mirror.

But as her tone had turned serious, Seven turned to look at her for real. Her brow a little frowned. 

“It is not really important.” Kathryn quickly assured her. “But… remember when you asked me if you should still call me Captain during the Halloween party?”

She waited for Seven to respond but all she did was nod. “Well… I have thought about it lately and I think it would be… okay for your to call me Kathryn when we are in public but off duty.”

“Are you sure?” Seven asked her. “I mean, I know I slip up sometimes but I am fine either way.”

“I know and I think it is very sweet of you that you want to protect my authority.” Kathryn reached out and twirled her fingers through the loose strands of Seven’s hair that still framed her face. “But… I don’t think _I_ am fine with it anymore.”

This only caused Seven’s frown to deepen and Kathryn knew she should start to explain it better real quick before Seven’s mind could start over think. 

“What I mean is… I want people to know that we are in a relationship.” She said as she took hold of both of Seven’s hands.

“Everyone on this ship knows that we are in a relationship, Kathryn.” Seven reminded her.

“Yes, of course.” Kathryn said. “I guess what I really mean is that I want us to act like it. That we won’t have to hide it anymore. Especially not for something as silly as my authority as Captain.”

“You will have to help me with that because… I am not good with social interactions.” Seven said, clearly still worried. “I am guessing you do not want me to start kissing you on the Bridge?”

Kathryn laughed, feeling more and more uncomfortable with this conversation. “No, I don’t. But I don’t know… you could call me by my first name when we’re off duty and we could hold hands without having to worry that someone might see us. Those little things, let’s start with them.”

“Okay.” Seven said and when Kathryn looked back up, she could see that the sparkles were back in Seven’s eyes. “Just tell me if I do something… inappropriate.”

“I will.” Kathryn promised her. 

A silence followed her words and Kathryn was not sure how to break it. But Seven was still smiling at her and then she leaned down to kiss her. A perfect way to end a conversation, Kathryn thought before she let herself sink into the kiss. 

“What did you mean with accessories?” Seven’s question made her open her eyes again. 

“Oh.” Kathryn wondered if she should start a whole explanation about jewelry but then her eyes fell on Seven’s graceful neck and glided lower down to her perfect collarbones. 

Without saying another word, she walked over to her jewelry box and pulled out a necklace she never wore herself. 

She turned back to Seven and felt her curious eyes on her when she put the necklace on. It was a simple silver collier but it had a sapphire in the pendant. It settled on Seven’s chest as if it was meant to be there.

They both turned back to the mirror to look at it and Seven’s hand reached up to gently touch it. “It is beautiful.”

“It used to be my grandmother’s.” Kathryn said, still staring at the necklace.

“Are you sure she would be alright with me wearing it?” Seven looked back at Kathryn. 

Kathryn wanted to tell her how perfect the necklace was for her. How it fit her elegant beauty and how the sapphire fit her stunning blue eyes. But somehow the words wouldn’t come. 

“Yes, she would.” She said instead. “Because I love you and you look… like perfection.”

The blush that spread across Seven’s cheeks was like a finishing touch and this time it was Kathryn who couldn’t refrain herself as she leaned in for another kiss. 

Walking to the Mess Hall, Seven felt very nervous. Social gatherings had never been her strong suit but now she felt even more anxious even though she loved her new look. 

Still, the whole process of dressing up had taken up quite a lot of time. Even choosing the right shoes, had turned out to be quite a task. She was very grateful for Kathryn’s help and she hoped this would all get easier for her over time. 

Reaching up with her free hand, she touched the pendant again. It felt strange to wear something so beautiful but she loved that it was connected to Kathryn and her family. Then she looked down at her other hand which was safe within Kathryn’s grasp.

The Captain smiled up at her and Seven wondered again how important the hand holding was for her girlfriend. Of course she wasn’t going to complain as she felt a lot better going forward with the warm support of Kathryn’s fingers. 

The door of the Mess Hall was closed when they arrived but Seven could already hear the sounds of the crowd through them. 

“Are you ready?” Kathryn asked her. “We could still have a quiet Thanksgiving with just the two of us.” 

“Don’t tempt me.” Seven chided her with a wry smile and then she was the one to step through the door first. 

Neelix was standing on the other side, welcoming everyone who came in with a drink. “Good afternoon Captain and… Oh my, Seven!”

Seven tightened her grip on Kathryn’s hand as she felt herself start to blush again.

“I almost didn’t recognize you.” Neelix said with a smile. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, Neelix.” Seven managed to say and then she quickly accepted her drink.

“Captain, will you give a speech before we start the festivities?” Neelix asked Kathryn and Seven was glad that at least his attention was diverted from her although she could see other crewmembers staring at her from the corner of her eye.

“I will, Neelix. Don’t worry this is going to be the best Thanksgiving any of us have every had.” Kathryn said while placing a hand on Neelix’s shoulder.

Seven envied Kathryn’s ability to maneuver through social interactions with such ease. But it was also very comforting to know that at least Kathryn knew what she was doing here. 

“Seven!” B’Elanna’s voice caused her to look up again and she watched the Chief Engineer make her way to them through the crowd with a big smile on her face.

“Wow, look at you!” B’Elanna said and shamelessly looked Seven up and down. “You look great.”

“You really do, Seven.” Tom told her. He had followed his wife through the crowd and even though Seven noticed that _they_ were not holding hands, they seemed to be back on good terms with each other. 

“Thank you.” Seven mumbled and looked at Kathryn for support as to what to do next but the Captain seemed very happy with the attention Seven was getting.

“Hello, Seven. Captain.” Icheb appeared at Seven’s side and she almost hugged him out of relief of seeing him. “Congratulations, Seven on the lotion.”

“Thank you, Icheb.” Seven smiled at him, grateful that he focused on the scientific breakthrough and not so much on her looks. 

“Did you see the turkey?” He asked her and then gestured to an enormous table with food. It was dominated with a giant cooked turkey and Seven briefly wondered how Neelix had pulled that off.

“What is that?” Kathryn asked while laughing. 

“We are not sure.” B’Elanna said. “Neelix says it really is a turkey but I think it could be some sort of dinosaur.”

“He wanted something that was big enough to feed the whole crew.” Icheb tried to explain.

Before they could continue to speculate about the origin of the bird, Neelix called for everyone’s attention. To be able to address the packed room, he had climbed on his counter with the help of Harry Kim. 

“Welcome, everyone to Voyager’s first Thanksgiving!” Neelix said while spreading his arms out wide.

Seven looked around with amusement as the crew started to cheer. Looking around at all of their laughing faces, she slowly felt herself relax. 

“Before we begin our delicious feast… And yes that really is a turkey, don’t you worry.” Neelix continued. “The Captain would like to say a few words.”

Seven turned to Kathryn, wanting to offer to hold her drink but before she could take the glass out of Kathryn’s hand, the Captain was already walking to the front of the crowd and she had not let go of Seven’s hand. 

So instead of losing herself in the crowd, Seven was now being pulled along. She looked around and saw a few crew members stare at her new outfit but most of them were smiling encouraging at her. Naomi Wildman waved at her before giving her the thumbs up. 

Kathryn turned around when she had reached Neelix’s counter. Seven gave her a questioning look but Kathryn just squeezed her hand and then addressed the whole crew. 

“First of all, I would like to thank our Morale Officer for organizing this great feast and Icheb and Naomi for helping him make these great decorations.” Kathryn started off and another round of applause sounded. 

“Thanksgiving has always been a very special holiday.” The Captain continued. “It gives us time to look back on the past year or years and think about what we have to be thankful for. It is very easy to forget, to focus on everything that has gone wrong instead. Getting thrown into the Delta Quadrant comes to mind.”

Seven looked around and saw some crewmembers chuckle at the Captain’s remark. All of them were looking at her with the trust they always showed her. Her heart throbbed a little with the love and pride she felt as she focused her attention back on her girlfriend. 

“But even though we are very far away from home, we still have a lot to be thankful for.” The Captain said. “I am thankful every day for each and every one of you. You are an amazing crew and I truly feel blessed to be your Captain.”

Seven felt Kathryn’s hand twitch a little in her grasp and she tightened her own fingers, wanting her to know that she was close and that Kathryn was doing a good job. 

But then Kathryn’s gray eyes landed on her and Seven felt a little self-conscious, feeling the eyes of the rest of the crew still on them. But she also felt a sense of peace that came over her every time Kathryn looked at her. 

“We will never give up on trying to get back to Earth.” Kathryn said and then she looked down at their joined hands. “But we already have come a long way and throughout our journey… we have made our own home here on Voyager. We have created our own family.”

Kathryn’s eyes looked back up at Seven’s face and Seven could see so much warmth and love in them that she had to swallow to contain her own emotions. 

Home… family. Kathryn was her home, Kathryn was her family. 

Then the Captain looked back out on the rest of the crew that Seven had almost forgotten were still there. She followed her gaze and her eyes landed on her friends. 

B’Elanna and Tom, arms wrapped around each other again. Chakotay and Harry, Naomi and Neelix, Tuvok and the Doctor. Then finally her eyes landed on Icheb. Her Voyager family. 

“Thank you all for making Voyager more than just a ship.” Kathryn’s voice caused Seven to look back her. “Thank you for making Voyager my home. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Kathryn raised her glass in a toast and the crew responded in kind. Seven heard some wish the Captain a happy Thanksgiving too, some thanked her for everything she had done for them but their voices disappeared to the background as Kathryn’s fingers started to move across the skin of the back of her hand. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Kathryn.” Seven said in a whisper. Not because she didn’t want anyone else to hear her call the Captain by her first name but because her emotions were choking up her voice. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Seven.” Kathryn said. Then the Captain of Voyager leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END... for now.
> 
> If you have the time, please, let me know what you think of this last chapter, the story as a whole or the entire series!
> 
> I still have 6 (or 7) stories planned for 'Braving the Elements' so if you liked it so far, please subscribe to my profile or the series so you'll be notified when the next part is posted. You can also follow me on Instagram where I post regular updates about my writing.
> 
> The next part will be an E-rated companion story to Compressed Air.


End file.
